Monday, 23 March 2009

Apathy

Today, I give up.

The sun may well be shining but I don't care. The seedlings are outside and upstairs, they can rot. The house needs a lot of attention, still, after the windows being put in - if this place fell down around me today, I doubt I'd notice (bar the rain and wind). Ecotherapy is a load of cow manure, blogging is silly - who cares about my plot and my life; I have nothing new to bring to the table and probably know much less than you do about growing our own fruit and veg.

I give up. Under my blanket, in this quiet, empty space is where I am staying today, maybe I'll sleep once this particular panic attack (over nothing) dies sown. There world - you happy? You've won.

9 comments:

  1. DON'T GIVE UP! I've been there myself; what kept me going is thinking about how I want to be around to see what good things life will bring. And the good things WILL come! Is there a friend or family member that you can talk to? Pick up the phone and call them! It's spring, take a walk and see how everything seems to be coming alive!

    If you want to talk, leave a message on my blog: lauram314.blogspot.com

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  2. Ecotherapy may be a load of old cow manure but at least it is both well rotted and full of earthy goodness!

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  3. Ecotheraphy here is watching the sky, and whisper "when rain is going to stop" and looking at shadows and wonder "why the sun is so bright today" .... ~ Bangchik, Putrajaya, MALAYSIA.

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  4. It's OK to give up once in a while.

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  5. Oh Carrie I hope your blanket is warm and snuggly, but don't stay there too long. We miss you and the lottie will too.

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  6. Oh Carrie,bless, you know deep down that you haven't really given up, you are just having a bad day. Tomorrow is a new beginning and although the weather isn't going to be as good this week, you can still tend your seedlings and read back through your blog and see how inspired you have been on your good days.
    Life is short so seize the day, that's my motto and it works. sometimes a day in bed does wonders.
    hugs
    maureen:)

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  7. Oh Carrie - I am so sorry you are feeling down. Now, where is it ......? Here we go ..... I've opened a new box of {{{Hugs}}} just for you. And the world hasn't won, it's just waiting patiently for you to feel better.

    Rosie x

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  8. Thank you so much for you kind and comforting words. You didn't have to write anything yet you reached out to someone you don't know and gave them (me) a lifeline to hold on to. Somewhere inside me there is a VERY stubborn girl who will keep fighting, I can't help it, even though I do feel doomed to be like this until the end of my days.
    Thanks again xx

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  9. This sounds way too familiar, except I'd never have managed the humor when I was in the throes. Last time I felt that bad I dragged myself to my doctor's and got a different prescription. (I was a real hold-out against medication; ten years of feeling like someone was sawing off my leg without anaesthetic before I said, Enough is enough.) I hope you've got all sorts of help and sympathy.
    --Kate

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