Wednesday 16 October 2013

Not the day I planned

I'm exhausted, and as I sit here and write that I realise just how true it is. I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes and my sore and stiff shoulders sag a little as the truth comes to the surface and I haven't meant it to. I truly am sick and tired. It has made itself known as I've sat waiting for the laptop to whirr into action, listening to Maggie sleep, watching the leaves blow down the road.

Why? Goodness only knows. I have no children, no job, no worries. But I do have Depression etc and at the weekend I bashed my head and have had concussion. I'm not sleeping well at nights anymore and I just feel a sense of detachment from the world and unease and I can't think why.

I won't lie, Autumn is not filling me with joy as I look as the beautiful golden, orange and red tones - to me it's all deathly brown tones and everywhere the sky is white; I am living inside a cloud today and I can feel the pressure bearing down. Unlike other days were the change in season reminds me to slow down and take it easy I look about me and see decay, detritus and plants simply giving up, going to bed and locking the door. I want my blanket and a good black and white film on the tv, preferably a sad, other worldly story to match my mood, maybe 'Brief Encounters'...

I have photos of the back garden I wished to share that I took yesterday. Ahh, yesterday, when the sun was shining and I wasn't feeling like this. Yesterday, when things got done and was happier and fully occupied.

Oh dear, this really hasn't gone to plan today. Forgive the indulgence of me posting this anyway - sometimes I need to tell the world the truth in my own quiet way...I am unhappy and exhausted. Some people get grumpy, some turn to drink, some push the world away, me? I write it out and let that act as a good cry, a scream of frustration, a virtual binge on ice cream...

With love

Wednesday 2 October 2013

One small step at a time

I went to the allotment. Maggie came too and we stayed an hour and took some photos, weeded a good wee bit for all the time we were there and came home before I was panicky, tired, overwhelmed or indeed had to engage with anyone. It was a success :)
She looks miserable but she wasn't really
Boy has the season turned. Maybe it's due to my not being there so often but I really saw a difference in the air, in the texture of the soil;  the summer was gone and a sleepy Autumn has come to claim her time. This is the best time of the year to truly start becoming aware that we humans push ourselves a little too hard. I feel that Mother Nature is asking me to slow down a bit, to reflect and the cuddle up; she even turns the lights out earlier, lol. I'm not into the stodgy foods, gloves and hat, or the steamed up glasses phase yet but we did need that extra jacket and though it didn't stay on whilst I dug, that light scarf was a must have - there is at least a chill though not a nip in the air.
How it stands as of now - plus my wee bit of weeding
The sneaky  Sharp's Express spuds I found whilst digging over that strip - yum
It's time to begin thinking about what we will grow where next year, what crops did well in our conditions this year and to tend to the paths, the storage, the rubbish, the soil, the compost... We now have our last crops in and they look amazing, I tell what we have next post; in no way is the growing year over!
YES!! The paths are bark mulched :) 

The leaves are just about turning here in dreary Carrick, on one or two parsnips I could see browning leaves, on the blueberries, wow, there was red; in the garden now we are getting to witness our Virginia Creeper go purple. It's still mild enough for the geraniums, dahlias and roses and the colour they bring is a welcome distriction from the grey clouds. The beans (of all types) are gone now and the squashes are cut and sitting out on the back window sill. I can see the most perfect 'Turks Turban' from right here on the red sofa, too big for the sill, it sits alone on the wall.  Really must get some photos of them before we eat them all - oh they are so good! 'Uchiki Kuri' was the one we grew most of and I simply love them, the batch we have left won't last long :)
some colour left on the plots

Namaste friends,