|Just a little selection of our gardening books|
|I have too much time on my hands!|
Weirdly, I also like to be told what to do; what's happening with this section of the plot and what I can do to help. Basically Andrew is the Allotmenteer- I'm there to take photos, do manual labour and then write about it so we can see and fully appreciate what we have been able to do, working with nature.
Well that's not entirely true. The allotment is therapy for me and just like physical therapy, it is bloody hard work and takes a lot of drive and courage. I do feel good clearing a bed, getting it ready for the real gardening to get cracking; I feel good with the sun on my back and my hands in the soil; I love bird song (butterflies terrify me - go figure that one out!) and the sound of distant chat and laughter.
But for me personally, there is the fear of having to socialise, of being asked advice or for help. I get myself so worked up at the very thought of having a panic attack there and embarrassing myself and Andrew that they inevitably happen. I cry a little every time I go and blame the wind in my eyes or my hay fever, often I want to hurt myself with the tools. Ecotherapy isn't easy! Yes, if no one else is there, I can sometimes really enjoy it and it feels right, so right, to be working with my hands, back to basics.
But either way - gardener or dog's body, panicky or not..
'In the Spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt'
~ Margaret Wood
and we both have been :)
Love and hugs