Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Distraction and Strawberry Jam

Depression ~ summarizing the concept in a single word may give you the misguided illusion that you can have a hint of a notion of it's enormity, of it's power. A single, overused word to describe this pain, uncertainity, isolation, fear and longing!

I have the black cloud over my head but also experience a sense of suffocation, of throttling by strong hands around my throat, around my heart. My hands. I want the pain to end, I want to breathe but I am caught between the two worlds. I cry for peace; the light of hope is being snuffed out. I am too small to fight this.

What can an ant do against the might of a tank???
Distract itself until the fear goes away....


Last night Andrew made the first batch of sweet, delicious Strawberry jam from our own lottie. Joy heaped upon joy; the sight of those perfect, rich red babies, their smell and all that sugar (naughty). It all bubbled away in the pot whilst I sat post-shower-calm in front of this laptop. Later, much later, I got to try some still warm out of the jar - oh it was good. We discussed it's merits in between - uummmm sounds.

It was a fabulous colour
The smell was divine
Andrew had left it very whole fruity so you got bite and body to the perserve.
It was warm, which was lovely in itself.
Not too sweet but as Goldilocks would say: 'just right'.
The consistanty is a little runny, but all the more sensous for it as it drips off the spoon.
There's lots of it!!
And there's more to come :)


  1. I thought I am the only male around trying my hands at making jam (roselle jam, months ago). Haha.. congrats Andrew. Lucky you Carrie.

  2. I love strawberry jam. I usually make freezer jam as it is easy, and I like the fresh taste.

  3. I've been there, Carrie, and agree that it is nearly impossible to describe the pain and struggle and despair to those who have not experienced it. It sometimes seems a Herculean task just to keep breathing. It sounds cliche, but I feel your pain -- and I send you the energy of understanding, of healing, and of release.

    You are loved... and surrounded by sweetness. Andrew's jam looks so delicious with those whole berries. Here's to using it all up, bite by glorious bite!

  4. Yummy!!! I love strawberry jam! Nothing like comfort food to soothe the soul. I wish my hubby could make stuff like that.

  5. Remember this, as I know where you are:
    When thoughts and fears start to envelop you..
    S-Stop the thought. Delete it from your mind.

    R-Refocus on something right in front of you. Get busy w/ laundry, cleaning , a walk is perfect. Get moving.

    B- Breathe, take long , slow breaths for about 4 minutes.

    Cut back on caffeine, sugar, get more sleep, exercise. be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself. be confident in yourself, tell yourself you can conquer this. You can get better sweetie.

    Finally, get close to God, He can heal serious depression, anxiety, panic. Ask Him to help you daily, best of luck , take care, Gina

  6. Nice going Andrew! That strawberry jam looks scrumptious!

  7. Sounds lovely. My husband is the jam maker too buthe has strated to make low sugar options - sort of compote. It's great for fruiting yoghurt and adding to porridge - Goldilocks (me) loves it!

    Won't spread on home made bread though so there you have the edge.

    Hope that the jam works its magic and cheers.

  8. We're still munching through strawberries au naturel too quickly for them to get to the jam making stage yet.

    So I made rhubarb and ginger jam yesterday instead.

    I might sneak back here for some of yours later though ;)


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