Sunday, 12 April 2009

Cotton wool for brains

The world is a quiet and lonely place.

I'm sitting here at 4am with nothing more than an inanimate object for company; a flashing cursor willing me to talk to myself. It's my 2nd night of insomnia.

I haven't the concentration for this; I can barely face trying to read other blogs, articles from the News websites or the book I started earlier in the night. Listening to the television makes me feel even lonelier at these times and I've already listened to and hour and a half of music. I'm all philosophical and I know that's dangerous - really, there is no point to the world, get over it! Plus, who cares at what point a 'pile' of feathers becomes large enough to be called a 'heap'??!!!

I'm tired. Thing is, apart from not getting sleep I've also been having panic attacks and taking medication - I've been working hard at the Allotment and making myself talk to people and try to be 'normal' - I'm not just in search of slumber, it's imperative. Without it my depression gets even worse, I have no energy to fight on and my double vision goes haywire.

I know my time on this Earth is limited but right now it feels like it's dragging by and will never end; I'll be exhausted and weepy for eternity. (Silly aren't I? There are people out there with real problems right now.)

What do you do when you can't sleep???? Do not say 'count sheep', I will track you down and give you a slap with a wet lettuce!

8 comments:

  1. Hi Carrie, all I can say at the moment is that if I were there.... I'd give you a big, warm hug. Insomnia sucks. Yeah, I turn the light on and read some more, and then turn it off, and work on quieting my brain through muscular relaxation. But sometimes nothing seems to work.

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  2. Yes, a wee read and some muscular relaxation is what I usually do!! And it works a treat. Why oh why not now? Arrggghh, the dawn chrous has started.
    I'll take that hug, thank you

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  3. I know it doesn't help...but things usually get better..the world brighter..sometime..
    It's not easy to sleep when the brain is spinning...such nights I used to try to see my own hand in a pitchblack room...(that's silly)...but it made my eyes get very tired and I usually fell to sleep after a while...

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  4. p.s. I didn't realize you had 3 blogs.....

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  5. If you watched the recent BBC series 'Grow Your Own Drugs' James Wong made an insomnia pillow from dried hops and lavender. All the people who tried it said it was fantastic.

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  6. Tesa - thank you, the world seems brighter today! So you were right, if only i could remember that when times are bad.

    Alice Joyce - yep but i have neglected 1 and the other is only a monthly thing. This is a baby.

    Matron - you know my cousin (a pharmacist)talks about that show - she loves it.

    I SLEPT ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT!! YIPPEE!

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  7. Yippeeeeee!!! :D

    Sorry - no kids around - i am spending a lot of time doing photography and not much else!

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  8. I name cakes and biscuits in alphabetical order and have yet to reach the end of the alphabet. A is for Arrowroot. B is for Bourbon, C is for Cupcakes. D is for Doughnut .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
    (it also works with Scottish towns or American states)

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