Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Gone to seed

I haven't been coping, in fact I've had a few frightening break downs and haven't even been willing or able to visit the allotments recently. When I have been there it has been hell and I've been on sedatives and hating every minute of it. Ecotherapy is bunk. I am utterly disillusioned and hopeless. I get these totally fantastical ideas of being 'someone'; a photographer, selling my own works, a carpenter, a potter. I feel like, no, I have given up. Today is just another day in a long line were I am drugged up and in physical and mental pain, I couldn't care less about myself, I wish it was over. I'm so depressed I can't even feel the upset properly, I can't cry; I'm numb. So tired, which makes my double vision worse, leaving me with little I can do comfortably.
Forgive me. I shall be taking a little more time out for a while.
Enjoy your gardens, allotments, life....and think of me, please, I need help.


  1. Dear Carrie,
    STOP ! STOP ! STOP ! and give yourself time, you are someone! you are Andrew's lovely wife, for a start and he needs you. You know this is only another blip, you have said all of this before and it passes, so give yourself a break, take time out, let it all pass over your head, STOP trying to fight it and it will get better. In a week or so you will be on top form again.
    Oh I know it's easy for others to tell you this, but you know you will win, you always do. You are a much stronger person than you give yourself credit for. It's not only the drugs that help you it's your own personality and inner strength that pull you through in the end, and will again.
    lots of good wishes xxxx

  2. Oh Carrie, there are lots of us including Andrew who care very much and cheer for the good days and commiserate on the bad days. You are not alone. I hope you can find help to find peace to give your mind time to heal. It must be really horrible to feel like this. I don't know how you cope but you will. Please come back soon.

  3. Carrie, I can stop worrying about you now as I see you are working away there adding to your Etsy shop photo's, so you must be feeling better. Thank goodness for that.
    good luck with it. I sell my photography on greetings cards, and it's very rewarding knowing someone is willing to pay for them. I also do portrait photography, my favourite type of photography.
    take care. x

  4. P.S, sorry forgot to say the photography is great and I bet looks even better mounted and framed. I know a few blogger friends use Etsy and it is a good shop, so hope it all takes off for you soon.
    Think about the card angle too, that might make a bit of money for you, you could put them in packs of 6 mixed cards to sell,(that's what I do) and it's cheaper if you make your own cards to mount them on. just a thought that it might take your mind off everything else. x

  5. Hi Carrie, when you write all of those feelings down does it help at all? I don't believe that you don't care, I know you do. I hear you crying out--I know it is so miserable for you. I hope you can talk with someone, and not be alone. Even if you don't feel like it, try to interact with others...somehow. I know all you want to do is crawl out of your body--but in time, I know you'll feel better; just hang in there, ok?

  6. Maureen, allot of veg and Jan - thank you. Truly, from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't even face reading your comments until today and they, along with some private e-mails really gave me that extra encouragement to get back on the proverbial horse. Thank you x


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