Monday, 9 April 2012

the caged bird sings

I may as well have a large gaping hole in my chest were a blunt knife (or maybe a spoon) is slowly being twisted round and round in my heart. Chronic Depression and acute anxiety are constant sources of deep pain but recently life has been throwing in a handful of salt every now and then just for kicks. I haven't been well at all and though it almost kills me to write that I know I must life my life in truth.

Was I a terrible person in another life? Everyday that I have wanted to go to the Allotment over the past weeks it has been freezing or raining, or both. When I am in my own private hell, the sun is dancing in the sky and the birds are twice as chirpy; everything begging to be seen in its spring glory but I am in a world of darkness. Oh and add to that the sleepless nights and subsequent unmanageable double vision and you have the perfect cocktail for a fun filled day ahead, wishing you were dead.

So the plots are behind this year. I haven't planted a single flower seed and in reality I don't even care. I am cheating this year and anything I really want will have to bought at a comparatively ridiculous price as a plug plant. Andrew is behind in the sowing of everything else so at least we're in this together, plus any time we're down there it's a ghost town anyway. What's wrong with everyone this year? There appears to be what can only be described as an atmosphere of general malaise or 'a no one bloody well gives a hoot'.

Oh pish posh!! Backed into this corner I shall not lash out nor shall I cower. Instead I am forcing my wonky eyes to look at the fresh green that abounds and bashing my senses with the taste of fresh Purple Sprouting Broccoli, the sensual feeling of tulip petals, the songs those optimistic birds send forth and the smell of cut grass.

On the 14th of this month we shall be celebrating the arrival of that confirmation letter through the letter box, telling us we owned a brand spanking new allotment plot. That was 2008! so it will be our 4th Birthday on Saturday. To cheer myself up I am giving a wee present to a lovely reader, a person picked at random from amongst those who leave a little message here this week. I have been so blessed by the support and encouragement, the friendships and the fun exchanges I have had since starting this blog and I would love to take the time to say a huge and hearty THANK YOU to every single person who has ever glanced at this, my humble home in the online community.

And on top of that the front garden was started over this Easter Break so I do have much to show and tell ....

later my lovelies!


  1. Hey Carrie, great to see you back - great photos in the last post. And don't forget there's still time to sow... they'll always catch up. Take care. Steve, Liverpool.

  2. hang in there Carrie - if it's any consolation I'm way behind this year with my garden too this year ;(

  3. Hi Carrie - I haven't been leaving comments alas - due to not being able to see properly - but have one good eye now! Yehhh Haaa.

    I feel your 'pain' at the moment - and hope that when the better weather arrives it brings some joy.

    Our allotments site too has been devoid of humans for months, - the winter has been a bad one - so that must have something to do with it.

    We've ventured up there and been amazed at the lack of folks too.

    I have to stay in when it's sunny, or can venture out looking like Worzle Gummdige covered from head toe and with a white ghostly mask like Miss Haversham - of thick sunscreen.

    Like you I am behind with any flowering plants - or seeds for cut flowers, and I might invest in soome plug plants too for the first time - but with a hosepipe ban here - will it be worth the expense I ask myself.

    Off to cook up some home made soup for lunch.

    Sending you warm and positive thoughts.


  4. The birds and sunshine know your down and are trying to lift your spirits Carrie.

    For the past year or so we have noticed that it is quiet when we are on our plot too. That is whenever we go there. I think the allotment fairies do the work but for some reason ignore our plot!

  5. The weather will change so you'll feel better and get to the allotment where you'll soon catch up.
    I'm often the only person on my site with just the birds for company, which truth be told I don't mind at all.
    A few months time and there'll be lush foliage, plenty of colourful blooms and lots to harvest and eat.
    I sometimes wish that this roller coaster called life was calmer, quieter and nicer.
    Take care, and hugs. Flighty xx

  6. Allotment fairies - there's a thought! I look forward to seeing your front garden (and the back again?)

  7. Hope you can get out to the allotment soon Carrie and happy anniversary for Saturday.

  8. Carrie, I was just thinking that I hadn't heard from you in a while, please keep looking for the positive, and know that there are alot of us, even clear across the pond, that are thinking of you and wishing warm thoughts your way!

  9. Sorry you have been feeling bad hopefully things will improve soon. All the best Bev

  10. Pish posh? Love it! Thank you for your post. xx

  11. All i can say is i so understand how your feeling, but its not much help eh .... although i have been feeling much brighter since the sun began to shine. I visit my plot normally on high alert with the anxiety, but just having my hands and feet in the soil soon calms me down. My plot too far behind this year, pish posh lol so from me to you hang in there girl, it will pass over soon and once you beging to see some sunshine and crops busting into life it will put a wee smile on ya face x x x

  12. It could be just as well that you are behind in your seed planting, as it happens. I took advantage of the freak sunny weather in March to sow lots of seeds, both veg and flowers, and the subsequent cold, dark, damp spell has caused some seedlings to keel over. Lots of stuff has failed to germinate because the nights are so cold. Glad you managed to focus your gozzy eyes enough to blog - I get anxious if I don't hear from you for a while. Keep your lovely chin up. Lynda xxxxxx


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