Ummm, don't compliment me, I will not be held responsible for my actions...

I got yet another compliment today on being 'inspirational' and you know what? It made it mad. Mad, like fuming - there may well have been smoke raising from the top of my noggin but I didn't have a mirror, so I'll never know. It's a weird response I can see that but I do not think of myself as inspirational, not at all, not one bit. In fact I think I fit the role of the anti-hero very well - read by blog, look at the world through my (wonky) eyes and I swear, you would do so much better doing the opposite to me at all times.

Maybe that's how I can be an inspiration - do the opposite of Carrie! :)

Well thanks to that friend I was so pent up that as soon as I read it, I was on my feet and dashing up those stairs. I got dressed (yep, I am gross - I didn't even wash) and grabbed my hiking bag, stuffed 'necessities' in it and grabbed Maggie. I didn't even ring Andrew and tell him what I was doing. I was off, earphones on and Jonie Mitchell drowning out the noise of the traffic. I didn't even have time to be nervous - I was on the way to the Lottie and I was going to do something that could actually made me feel proud, grant me a teeny tiny bit of inspiration from myself.

Let me tell you one thing that this 30 something girl knows for sure - no one can inspire you more than that reflection in the mirror or that self portrait. Look at yourself, are you happy with who you see? If not, bloody change it, do everything you can to become what you are inside. For one day show yourself what you can be.

Personally and this is very personal indeed, I went from this; when the panic did hit me sitting on the bench by the shed....

to this

licks and a little cuddle from Maggie at the end of the work.

One and half hours of solid hard work at the empty allotments and I felt... Well I don't actually know what I felt, it wasn't the usual hatred, saddness or anxitey so it was umm, weird and kind of okay.

I have a heck of a lot to tell you about the work we have done at the lotties over tha last week and all the seeds we've planted etc but for now I am knackered and want that coffee I can smell brewing and a night of tv with my 2  best friends. xx