You are going to be so proud of me :)

I WENT TO THE LOTTIE ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!

More to come after I have a much needed shower and a warm drink and a think about what I have just done! Eeekk - this is so huge. So look out for part 2 were there will be photos to prove it ;) and have a drink on me tonight everyone xxxxx

LATER...

So you want proof? Course you do, no one believes anything these days and I need to have a record of this myself to save forever. The nerves have really kicked in now and I can't quite believe I am writing this post either. I just seemed to do it, without thinking. I still had the t-shirt on that I had worn to bed, threw on my jeans, old trainers that were in the kitchen and my fleece and plonked my headphones on. Maybe I owe a debt of gratitude to Adele and her album 21 - seems she got me there and back.

Let's upload those few photos I remembered to take....

I remember stopping here where I do in my dreams - I never get further than this in my dreams - and thinking 'sod it' and walking on, my legs shaking and making me meander a good bit (god people may have thought me drunk *blush*).  There were people dear goodness, there were people, a whole family right there at the first plot, Adele kindly sang away to me and I just concentrated on the pot holed road, trying to stay balanced. I guess that means I looked drunk and very anti-social *double blushes*
 
It took an age to get to my shed and then the camera came out again....

In my bag I had a Mason jar and a pair of scissors and I cut one of the stems of my dusky pink/peach rose - a trophy.

Then took a few photos, quickly mind you..... First Oriental Poppy, first Purple Poppy opening and ohhhh some lovely Ranunculus.

Then home, my legs like jelly, as my stomach is now. I had done it and didn't get run over either on that crazy Beltoy Road where people just go mad and stomp the foot down on the accelerator.
 
I think I'm honestly in shock at the moment - but I know I am happy too :) I've definitely taken a massive nose dive and feel so depressed I could cry and so panicky I could, well, I could, I can't finish this sentence properly - THAT panicky.

oh yes, this is my lottie :)

Can you handle the wonderfulness of 24a??
Well, I've only shown you a little bit cause I don't think you could - hahaha

 The glorious sight as you walk into the plot via the Fruit Arch (I'm not showing you the Asparagus patch that it in the fore front) Strawberries and our Autumn Rapberries in the back.
.....And I can't trust anyone who doesn't revel in the beauty and usefulness of marigolds.

A friend didn't want this wheelbarrow - he said it was rusty - hahahaha. Compared to our last one this one is so shiny and new :)

We had some of these first early Sharpe's Express Spuds tonight - yummmy and the Cherries are looking fab, I swear Ronnie and I have estimated there are at least 100 on it - I just hope I get them all, hehehe.

Our extremely beautiful Honeysuckle in full bloom and then the excitement is building over my Oriental Poppies, I'll just show this tiny portion of the plant - it's huge and there are a zillion buds ;)

 Our beautiful Climbing Rose, you'll remember all that time ago when it was a baby and couldn't reach the support of the bottom gate. Now it's up at the top one :)

Alan guarding the Blackcurrants (terrible saw fly problem with the leaves obviously, he's limited in his abilites, but he tries)

Our lovely little hanging basket, well, part of it :)

It did it an I'm okay :)

This is just a quick little note to say that although Andrew being away for the weekend was very hard, I managed. With the suppport of said Hubby through texts and little cards he had left me (he's so romantic!!) and my super duper bestest friend Wendy who kept 'crazy' at bay and was a star.

It will take a while to fully recover and I am exhausted fighting myself but I did it, it's Monday and the weekend is now over. Dare I say there were even parts that were nice, catching up with my best bud.

I'll write more soon, I have photos to share of 24a of course :) Things are well, or at least they have been up til now - we're getting 70mph winds, rain, hail and periods of sunshine (!??).

P.S. Thank you for the messages of support xxxx

Oh it's beautiful!!

Yesterday Andrew had the day off - yipppee. We had to visit my psychiatrist - boo hisss but after that (which to be fair was very helpful this time) we were somewhat free. Andrew is on a stag do (oh. dear. god! I hear you cry, but don't worry they are all good guys) and so we needed to get him last minute things to take and food for me for the weekend.

It's all really stressful already and he's only gone from dinner time yesterday; I'm not used to being on my own and fighting the depression and anxiety and bad thoughts by myself and Mamma G is on holiday too. My best friend is busy all day but she's coming here this evening and will be with me tomorrow.

Anyway, enough about that, I have a timetable written out for myself to keep me busy and calm (hahahahahaha, calm!!!?) and this is blog writing time - yay!  So in preparation I went to the lottie yesterday and took lots of photos. It was lovely, no one else was there and the bird song - oh, it was delightful - are birds ever sad? I like to think all their songs are about love and peace and happiness - wow I'm a total hippie :)

At the very top of 14b these are delicious Jerusalem Artichokes all growing and getting fat and juicy ready for me to eat later in the year, yumm - good start to the visit. Then inside the plot we are at the nursery section where I must say (whilst touching the wooden coffee table with my foot) everything looks fabulous! The carpet is a sophisticated touch don't you think? And look at the strip behind the cold frames - these are our chives in flower and I may blow your mind away with the following news...... Andrew has been using the petals scattered in amongst the carrot seedlings. Carrot fly hate the smell of onion (so do I) so we're hoping this will help - I'll keep you updated ;) Cool huh?

 

So then there are gooseberries that have survived the sawfly attack - I have hope we'll still get a nice wee amount, there's 5 plants so there is a good chance, right?? Stay hopeful. I'll not put up a photo though, it looks a little on the pathetic side.

 This is my special flower bed and I am so happy with how it's been going - daffs, tulips and now perisan buttercups, roses  and guems :) Plus loads of other in bud - eek!

The whole point of this bed was of course to bring in the happy friendly bugs like the bees and the ladybirds but also to make little old me happy, having beautiful fresh flowers in the house. Thing is I haven't been cutting them - hahahaha. They look so pretty. I really need to toughen up :)

Lastly for today (I'll show you a24a tomorrow - tease aren't I?) Is an overview of the lettuces, carrots, beets, parsnips and glorious beans and peas. Nothing quite as exciting as the tippee going up is there?

Hugs and best wishes for a lovely weekend xxxxx
Thanks for all the comments on the last post - you're the nicest followers ever - mwaugh!

I can't think of a title for this

I'm really confused, I have been for a good while now, words aren't coming easily, it takes ages to form a sentence and whilst I am doing that I am filled with frustration and anger at myself. I haven't been to the lottie, well yesterday I got as far as the car park and just had to sit there. I'm working from one sedative to the next and am desperately hoping that my psychiatrist will have some answers on Friday. I am freaking out right now - what I thought was a sudden burst of energy wasn't, it was a panic attack (I should know better), at least the en suite got a good cleaning..

So to be honest I don't know what is going on a the lottie. I haven't been reading blogs much. I know the asparagus is going to have to be lifted in the Autumn and we'll have to start again. I guess this should have been our own food we had for dinner a couple of nights ago - but at least it was British, in season and it was GOOD.

I know there was a heck of a lot of blossom everywhere and super tiny baby cherries, apples and pears etc are appearing. I have been told the cold frames are full to bursting. I watched with joy as these beautiful climbing beans germinated and got bigger everyday on the kitchen table and  these lovely Sweetcorn seedlings are the most lovely green  :) That grey blurry background is Maggie giving them a sniff before they left.

It's extremely windy and I did take a photo of the Queen of the Night Tulips but it doesn't do them justice, we need to get that wall painted and now Andrew has them all cut down anyway. We have loads of Rhubarb in the fridge (yay - Andrew is going to make more compote) and I had a couple of very sweet Ranunculus in the hall. Oh and the Nematodes are on their way it WAR my friends :)

I hope you are all well, I'll try to catch up with you soon. Hugs xx

pink flamingos

I live with the perpetual sense that I am just not good enough, ever. I fight it every single hour of every single day. But the 'me' who is fighting to just be okay with myself never wins. I never win. And now this......


The allotment has gooseberry sawfly, aphids, slugs (and millions of slug eggs), snails, mildew, big red moth pupae, cabbage white caterpillars, wireworms, flippin' pigeons and the bast*rding leatherjackets (and there's probably other stuff too, like flatworms - we had them last year). Plus hayfever has returned. What?! the whole world of sentient beings have turned their evil hatred against me now - is that how the game is being played??  

f-ing leatherjeacket that destroyed one of our asparagus crowns

Andrew is not a happy gardener - he talks in terms of EVERYTHING is crap and what's the point. The wind is so bloody annoying and the weather is just unpredictable and unhelpful. So there - today I just want to blasted well concrete over everything and put down plastic turf, fake flowers, a tramopline and some deck chairs, pink flamingos and some very stylish gnomes.

pink flamingos — aug 23, a photo by theogeo on Flickr.

Deep breath - I shall resume normal lottie based blogging next time and not be such a grump xx

The seductiveness of those two lips...

I couldn't resist, tingling, I was drawn in by the mere mention of them. The sun was shining, my arms bare, the heat making me drowsy and the light wind blowing sensuously in my hair like the whispers of a lover; I was undone. How could I not let myself be swept away....

The Glenarm Castle Tulip Festival was on last weekend and we just had to go and see it. At only £6 in Andrew and I had a great full afternoon walking around the walled gardens taking in the tulips, the pleached hedges, the perfect un-slug touched hostas, the last of the daffodils and all the apple and pear trees in full bloom. Plus there was cake, I am a sucker for good home made cake with a little cream on the side :)

Shall I just bombard you with photos? I think I shall...... oh and sorry about the tulip/two lip confusion ;)

The gardens are doing well and really starting to mature. Everything we saw looked to be in great health and the pleached trees made me excited at the prospect of our own pleached hedge in the back garden. Which I must add are now in leaf and looking more settled.

There were other people there, which is always disappointing, hahahha. I love to visit grand gardens and pretend I am a private visitor, the whole place to myself. But no. We dandered all around of course but my favourite place was laying under the wall staring up at the apple trees and watching the bees at work. The rill was just in front of us and the gentle trickle of the water could well have sent me off to slept had the Mount not been close by too, with kids running up and down it's spiral walkway and pretending to be knights :) (you can see the Mount in the collage)

 

We had to go over and check out the new sculpture - an obelisk on a plinth all carved out of the one piece of wood. We hummmmed and aahhhhhhedd and decided (along with another lovely visitor) that we hated it. We're quite black and white when it comes to our decisions; I mean in a way I can appreciate it and the work gone into its creation but ultimately it did nothing for me or the setting, oh and it was wobbly. Here is Andrew trying his hardest to love it in one aspect at least - the smell - but no, it was stinky with whatever preserving coat was on it. All in all - I say take it down!

I also smelt the flower of the Meddler tree for the first time.... oh yes it is undeniably pretty to look at but OH MY GOODNESS, it smells like an old, uncleaned Victorian era public toilet! And that is no word of a lie - foul, heinous - why, why was I not warned. I gave it a darn good full sniff and thought I was going to die!

Twas a lovely afternoon though - thoroughly enjoyed being surrounded by my favourite bulbs all in bloom -  constantly saying 'this is my favourite... or no, maybe this one, or this one?'........

I'll tell you one thing though  - this was my least favourite (you know, just in case you were thinking of sending me a big bunch)...

A little May Day gift

I have been touched by so many lovely comments recently and I will get back to you and promise I will catch up on your blogs too - I love you all big time xxx

Yesterday we went to the Annual Glenarm Castle Tulip Festival so you know I have photos for you ;) Today we're at the lottie and tomorrow we're hoping to go off to Rowallane Gardens - lovely relaxed times in beautiful surroundings :)

But my gift to you is a vase of my very own lottie grown Red Tulips. Well a photo of them anyway. Stunning eh? Enjoy the rest of your day - hope you have sunshine galore like us - I'm off back to the lottie! xx