I may as well have a large gaping hole in my chest were a blunt knife (or maybe a spoon) is slowly being twisted round and round in my heart. Chronic Depression and acute anxiety are constant sources of deep pain but recently life has been throwing in a handful of salt every now and then just for kicks. I haven't been well at all and though it almost kills me to write that I know I must life my life in truth.
Was I a terrible person in another life? Everyday that I have wanted to go to the Allotment over the past weeks it has been freezing or raining, or both. When I am in my own private hell, the sun is dancing in the sky and the birds are twice as chirpy; everything begging to be seen in its spring glory but I am in a world of darkness. Oh and add to that the sleepless nights and subsequent unmanageable double vision and you have the perfect cocktail for a fun filled day ahead, wishing you were dead.
So the plots are behind this year. I haven't planted a single flower seed and in reality I don't even care. I am cheating this year and anything I really want will have to bought at a comparatively ridiculous price as a plug plant. Andrew is behind in the sowing of everything else so at least we're in this together, plus any time we're down there it's a ghost town anyway. What's wrong with everyone this year? There appears to be what can only be described as an atmosphere of general malaise or 'a no one bloody well gives a hoot'.
Oh pish posh!! Backed into this corner I shall not lash out nor shall I cower. Instead I am forcing my wonky eyes to look at the fresh green that abounds and bashing my senses with the taste of fresh Purple Sprouting Broccoli, the sensual feeling of tulip petals, the songs those optimistic birds send forth and the smell of cut grass.
On the 14th of this month we shall be celebrating the arrival of that confirmation letter through the letter box, telling us we owned a brand spanking new allotment plot. That was 2008! so it will be our 4th Birthday on Saturday. To cheer myself up I am giving a wee present to a lovely reader, a person picked at random from amongst those who leave a little message here this week. I have been so blessed by the support and encouragement, the friendships and the fun exchanges I have had since starting this blog and I would love to take the time to say a huge and hearty THANK YOU to every single person who has ever glanced at this, my humble home in the online community.
And on top of that the front garden was started over this Easter Break so I do have much to show and tell ....
later my lovelies!