Missing in Action

Well the title is a little bit of a lie to start with, sorry. I've been Missing in Inaction. I haven't been doing too well at all and that even includes having a lovely birthday and a lovely garden party and getting some commission photography work. I go for life like a sprint when I feel ok, everything done at once and then, because it is meant to be a marathon or lets be more realistic, a nice enjoyable walk, I end up exhausted and out of the journey for days.

Here are some super lovely photos of my Birthday and the birthday party/welcome to our (very nearly) finished garden party.

At the pond with Eimear for a lovely Birthday walk - look enough wishes for everyone and the swans have recovered after the male was killed a couple of years ago :)

 

 I put the candle in myself, no one else was here!



out for dinner at Wagamamma :)



 



the party -

 Courgette and lemon cake and balloons with bunting - hurrah :)

 Hanging lanterns and a fire pit to keep us warm - plus some of my favourite people *blush*

But things at the allotment have been ignored, apart from Andrew going up and collecting dinner. I have only seen it once since I last wrote and the experience was a little upsetting as there are weeds everywhere and plants that have gone over and some lovely berries have been eaten by insects and birds. I got a little upset and then angry with myself and we had to leave.

I do have this - my 1st apple from the James Grieve tree... I shall consume it later :)

For most of this week I was going through a nervous breakdown and on Tuesday I felt suicidal. I'm only telling you this because I want to share the fact that a Suicide Prevention website (I don't know which one, I was in a pretty bad state) recommended (amongst other things) getting out into Nature. Ecotherapy saves the day yet again. I pulled some clothes on, grabbed Maggie and went out, luckily I had already spoken to Andrew on the phone and thus remembered to take my keys and take a Valium.

I don't remember much about it apart from the route I took and the panic I felt, the bag I flung over my shoulder had a camera in it (as always) and I managed to take this walking back home -
It made me smile and I think I'll make it my flavicon.

Okay, so the walk didn't exactly make the world seem like a better place and suddenly I wasn't depressed but I did feel a little stronger and a lot more tired = I fought the voice in my head, snuggled up on the sofa  in fresh cosy clothes (not soaking with panic sweat) and give myself the grace I needed. I slept until Andrew came home. It was not the finest day of my life but I made it through.

This Saturday (and if the bloody rain would stop for 5mins, tonight as well) we shall go to the lottie for a while and really try to get it into some shape. The bag of berries Andrew bought home for me at the start of the week give me a wake up call - a spider in a raspberry I was just about to eat, a caterpillar on another and a maggot, oh dear god, a maggot in a blackberry!!!!! = my lottie needs me and I shall answer her call.

***Today I shall hopefully finish the Turkish Delight company's promo photos and then once the owner sees the files I can share with you a little of what I was up to these past days when I was well enough. I swear this stuff looks and smells gorgeous but I do not like it. It's that jelly texture, so at least I haven't been found in a corner rocking and in sweats with a massive sugar overdose and a lifetimes worth of shame. I have eaten a quarter of one piece out of hundreds. Now if a chocolate shop was to ask me to do promo pics, well, I may really have to go AWOL, hahaha.***

Love and hugs to you all, don't listen to those people who say the summer is over - they lie! ;)
And a hearty THANK YOU for all the comments on the previous post, they really helped me feel connected to the world through this latest bad spell xxx