Friday, 26 August 2011

Missing in Action

Well the title is a little bit of a lie to start with, sorry. I've been Missing in Inaction. I haven't been doing too well at all and that even includes having a lovely birthday and a lovely garden party and getting some commission photography work. I go for life like a sprint when I feel ok, everything done at once and then, because it is meant to be a marathon or lets be more realistic, a nice enjoyable walk, I end up exhausted and out of the journey for days.

Here are some super lovely photos of my Birthday and the birthday party/welcome to our (very nearly) finished garden party.

At the pond with Eimear for a lovely Birthday walk - look enough wishes for everyone and the swans have recovered after the male was killed a couple of years ago :)

 
 I put the candle in myself, no one else was here!

out for dinner at Wagamamma :)

 










the party -
 Courgette and lemon cake and balloons with bunting - hurrah :)




 Hanging lanterns and a fire pit to keep us warm - plus some of my favourite people *blush*

But things at the allotment have been ignored, apart from Andrew going up and collecting dinner. I have only seen it once since I last wrote and the experience was a little upsetting as there are weeds everywhere and plants that have gone over and some lovely berries have been eaten by insects and birds. I got a little upset and then angry with myself and we had to leave.
I do have this - my 1st apple from the James Grieve tree... I shall consume it later :)
For most of this week I was going through a nervous breakdown and on Tuesday I felt suicidal. I'm only telling you this because I want to share the fact that a Suicide Prevention website (I don't know which one, I was in a pretty bad state) recommended (amongst other things) getting out into Nature. Ecotherapy saves the day yet again. I pulled some clothes on, grabbed Maggie and went out, luckily I had already spoken to Andrew on the phone and thus remembered to take my keys and take a Valium.

I don't remember much about it apart from the route I took and the panic I felt, the bag I flung over my shoulder had a camera in it (as always) and I managed to take this walking back home -
It made me smile and I think I'll make it my flavicon.
Okay, so the walk didn't exactly make the world seem like a better place and suddenly I wasn't depressed but I did feel a little stronger and a lot more tired = I fought the voice in my head, snuggled up on the sofa  in fresh cosy clothes (not soaking with panic sweat) and give myself the grace I needed. I slept until Andrew came home. It was not the finest day of my life but I made it through.

This Saturday (and if the bloody rain would stop for 5mins, tonight as well) we shall go to the lottie for a while and really try to get it into some shape. The bag of berries Andrew bought home for me at the start of the week give me a wake up call - a spider in a raspberry I was just about to eat, a caterpillar on another and a maggot, oh dear god, a maggot in a blackberry!!!!! = my lottie needs me and I shall answer her call.

***Today I shall hopefully finish the Turkish Delight company's promo photos and then once the owner sees the files I can share with you a little of what I was up to these past days when I was well enough. I swear this stuff looks and smells gorgeous but I do not like it. It's that jelly texture, so at least I haven't been found in a corner rocking and in sweats with a massive sugar overdose and a lifetimes worth of shame. I have eaten a quarter of one piece out of hundreds. Now if a chocolate shop was to ask me to do promo pics, well, I may really have to go AWOL, hahaha.***

Love and hugs to you all, don't listen to those people who say the summer is over - they lie! ;)
And a hearty THANK YOU for all the comments on the previous post, they really helped me feel connected to the world through this latest bad spell xxx

12 comments:

  1. Poor you - you really have been through it haven't you but I'm sure you are strong enough to get through the fog!

    The cake loves lovely too

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  2. I have been a bit rubbish on my Blog commenting recently.
    Sorry.
    Happy BIrthday to you. Bravo on not eating all the Turkish Delight or getting icing sugar in your hair.
    Garden looks good.

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  3. Hi Carrie,a belated Happy Birthday, and I am so sorry to read you are going through a tough patch again. Don't feel guilty about your allotment ! I swear almost all the plots were ours is have been run down and a bit neglected this year (including ours, a bit ! ) I think it's the weather as even the tidiest of plots are looking shabby this year.

    I have been reading your blog long enough to know that you are a tough girl and you always pull yourself through the bad times.

    I hope you feel happier soon.

    Maureen xxxxxxxx

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  4. (never mind the allotment) your favicon is an utter delight ;~)) I shall smile each time you come up 'smiling' on my blog roll.

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  5. So glad your birthday party was fun, but I'm sorry you have had such a hard time since. Your ability to pull through and give yourself some grace is terrific.

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  6. Hi Carrie, a belated happy birthday and sorry to hear you've had a bad time since and hope you are feeling better now. Your courgette and lemon cake looks exactly like the one Rachel entered into our Summer show. It tasted lovely and she got a 2nd prize and won the overall cup! Hope you enjoyed eating it as much as I did!!

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  7. Love the leaf picture! Lauran xx

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  8. Sorry to hear of your latest troubles. It sounds like you had a tough time, but you got through it!

    Congrats on the birthday and the Turkish Delight commission. Don't worry about the allotment, it's that time of year when everything goes mad. I get down there several times a week at the moment at it doesn't stop me having plenty of weeds and letting me broad beans get 'away from me'.

    And I haven't updated my blog for ages now either...

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  9. Thinking of you Pinkie! Hugs, Flighty xx

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  10. Pleased you had a good birthday :) I love your firepit and I want one. We were supposed to be making on this year but it's still on the list.
    Take care. Mo

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  11. Sweetie I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time(HUGS)
    I have been absent from here because it is a bit of a tough time for me too .. BUT .. it is so true about connecting with nature to rock in its arms and feel so much better .. the little leaf is magnificient : ) Turkish Delight is another kind over here .. it comes in a chocolate covered candy bar .. so it is a good thing that isn't what you werwe working with?LOL .. remember that feelings do pass eventually, we just have to hang on till they do and you are a fighter sweetie !
    Feel better soon!
    Joy

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  12. You are so srtong, to have gotten yourself to the computer to find some help, and even stronger to gave gotten yourself out of the house--with camera-- for a little ecotherapy. I hope you realize what a huge deal that is! Not many people can see through the fog enough to help themselves like that. Makes me feel like you are always going to be just fine.
    (and that leaf? it's perfect! I REALLY dont think it is a coincidence that you saw that when you did)

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