Sunday, 10 March 2013

Under a rock somewhere

I haven't seen much of the world at all since I last wrote, never mind do any gardening. I have a myriad of reasons for this, none of them exciting :

  • The weather has been terrible
  • I threw myself into my crafty works like a maniac
  • I had a whopping 3 day Migraine
  • I've had the Flu for over 4 days now
  • My depression has deepened
My eyes have literally been closed (migraines totally suck) but also, figuratively my depression has closed my eyes to hope.

Usually in these dark, shadowy passages I find solace in dreaming of better days, of looking at stunning photographs and thinking of beautiful new springy days and long summer evenings. But this week I have been too ill and these thoughts and images merely mock me; instead I have been only looking to sleep to save my self from harm; to pass the time. 

I had written a good few posts here but they all ended up getting deleted. However in seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday it was made clear to me that this very blog is important and I should keep writing, not just for me but for others. My psychiatrist is very interested in gardening (and asks for tips after sessions) but as usual hadn't heard of Ecotherapy, though he believes in it wholeheartedly.

He told me I really ought to be true, write about my illness and how the lottie helps but also how it isn't a panacea,  just another useful tool (or weapon). He said that maybe this was my role in life - to do my bit to lift stigma, to be honest.

So here I am doing just that - telling the truth. I am a human/slug hybrid. Yep, that can be the only real explanation for all this slime coming out my nose and being coughed up, the nasty cold sweat on my forehead and my slow movements. The enemy has attacked. And the thing with enemies (and slugs in general) is that they are tricksy and catch you out when you least expect it - search, lift, clear everything in sight and there will still be one or two under a rock somewhere, just waiting, silently plotting.... 

Constant high alert is futile and exhausting, sometimes life just throws a few juicy slugs in our faces and stuffs one down our throats. It's disgusting, demoralising, depressing - but it isn't poisonous and I will be back!

7 comments:

  1. Hi Carrie,
    I'm a recent follower of your blog, and enjoying it very much.
    Sorry to hear you have migraines as I used to be a sufferer myself until I gave up caffeine, cheese, wine and (most)chocolate.It wasn't difficult and my health improve so much. Regards, Val :)

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  2. Carrie, my sweet Carrie, I do admire your ability to write and describe your feelings in such a clear and honest way, I really DO! Writing about the way you feel when everything seems dark inside and out isn't easy at all, and you do it in such an amazingly sharp, clear way. Not-so-sunny days here either (both in and out), but we'll be back!!! :)
    xxxx

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  3. Migraines really don't help do they, they take over every part of your body (the headache is the least of the worry with those!). The weather hasn't helped especially when you have plans for your lottie and can't do them. The sun will be out soon and then you can plunge yourself into this. By that time you will no longer be a human/slug hybrid, full of health, ideas and plenty to do. Keep going, you're not the only one! Take care. Chel x

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  4. Oh goodness I had wondered where you had been! I hope you feel better my friend :)

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  5. Carrie I see you are fighting back and winning! because of the way you are posting.... You'll be better very soon.... I can tell by your post.

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  6. Feel better, friend.

    I think you should blog about whatever you want. As one who has suffered from depression in the past, I know sometimes it can be hard to explain -- how it knocks you down with little warning and how difficult getting back up is...

    However, that's one thing I know about you...you get back up! You take pictures, you visit the lottie and you share yourself and your garden with us.

    Hey, one thing about migraines. My daughter gets them. Consider getting your magnesium levels checked. Evidently, low levels are associated with migraines. Well, enough of my no license doctoring:~)

    Take good care of yourself and write when you want. BTW I liked the analogy about slugs -- it's a good visual:~)

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  7. Carrie, thinking of you and hoping you are feeling better very soon.

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