Under a rock somewhere

I haven't seen much of the world at all since I last wrote, never mind do any gardening. I have a myriad of reasons for this, none of them exciting :

• The weather has been terrible
• I threw myself into my crafty works like a maniac
• I had a whopping 3 day Migraine
• I've had the Flu for over 4 days now
• My depression has deepened

My eyes have literally been closed (migraines totally suck) but also, figuratively my depression has closed my eyes to hope.

Usually in these dark, shadowy passages I find solace in dreaming of better days, of looking at stunning photographs and thinking of beautiful new springy days and long summer evenings. But this week I have been too ill and these thoughts and images merely mock me; instead I have been only looking to sleep to save my self from harm; to pass the time. 

I had written a good few posts here but they all ended up getting deleted. However in seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday it was made clear to me that this very blog is important and I should keep writing, not just for me but for others. My psychiatrist is very interested in gardening (and asks for tips after sessions) but as usual hadn't heard of Ecotherapy, though he believes in it wholeheartedly.

He told me I really ought to be true, write about my illness and how the lottie helps but also how it isn't a panacea,  just another useful tool (or weapon). He said that maybe this was my role in life - to do my bit to lift stigma, to be honest.

So here I am doing just that - telling the truth. I am a human/slug hybrid. Yep, that can be the only real explanation for all this slime coming out my nose and being coughed up, the nasty cold sweat on my forehead and my slow movements. The enemy has attacked. And the thing with enemies (and slugs in general) is that they are tricksy and catch you out when you least expect it - search, lift, clear everything in sight and there will still be one or two under a rock somewhere, just waiting, silently plotting.... 

Constant high alert is futile and exhausting, sometimes life just throws a few juicy slugs in our faces and stuffs one down our throats. It's disgusting, demoralising, depressing - but it isn't poisonous and I will be back!