An Invisible Spring

The fire has been quashed in the belly by the ever present suffocating dense layer of white cloud I see everyday. We are lucky in terms of no snow or floods here but still this coldness never recedes the sky is only occasionally blue in tiny blotches and I feel so terribly empty inside.

It's a daily battle with myself to try and inject some hope that the better weather will come around. We don't see a point to planting seeds and why go to the plot when it is so sodden and I freeze in next to no time. Mother Nature and Ecotherapy are really toying with me these past weeks and the feeling is like that of being winded by a punch to the torso.

Then of course I feel guilty for being so pathetic when there are millions of people worse off than me sitting here in my warm home, safe and with access to all the water and food I need. I guess this is just how depression works, right?

We have broad beans, lettuce and sweet peas in our potting shed (kept warmer or at least frost free by a church candle burning inside it).  I know the garlic is ready to go as are the potatoes which are always planted on St Patrick's Day but not this year. We should have beetroot sown and leeks and lots more including flowers but what's the point; the weatherman said this cold and damp will probably last until the end of April.

My Spring is hiding and I need her. 

This was us last year, look at all that sun and the nice dry soil *sigh* .....

I hope for you at the weather is treating your area better and you still have that glow I so long for, that flicker of joy in the new life that is appearing, that tinge of hope for a great year now winter has passed. I am making more arty things these days instead and trying hard to connect with people in the flesh - keep the hope alive my friends!

Hugs

St Patrick's Day

Oh what a let down, it was all going so well until yesterday when it rained, then there was sleet then snow and rain all day, all night :( St Patrick's Day is our traditional day for planting the spuds but no, when we arrived at the allotment (bright and early - go us!) the paths were enough of a giveaway - the ground was sodden. If you are into rotten potatoes, fine go ahead but I kind of like them to be edible.

 *****

So I would like to share with you our back garden instead :)  There have been some improvements and the swelling of buds and bulbs has been bring joy and loads of birds. Oh yes! we are officially on the map as the place to get your seeds and fat balls.

The hard landscaping

I am so lucky in my 'catch'; my hubby can lift his hand to anything and does each and every thing he puts his mind to with perfection. It's actually a little bit annoying at times that he can be so awesome, ggrrrr BUT he does remind me of my Big Papa in this way and that causes me to love him even more!  Our main trees and bamboos are finally settled and starting to grow; I feel this summer will be luscious.

He made this >

A super fab screen to stop over-looking

And we have further plans to make this area fabulous. Number one is getting rid of that umbrella.

Plus look at how happy our Christmas boxes and beech hedge is looking; happy and healthy and if I could use my nostrils....supposedly the Christmas box smelt wondrous.

The Acer buds, beech hedge bud profusion and cherry blossoms

The pretties that bring joy

Look at the joy, the yellow shiny bright joy that is the glorious tete-a-tete, on mass it is a happy pill that works through you merely seeing them. Of course the tulips are coming too and I am really looking forward to that. In the photo below the black pot has some long forgotten tete-a-tetes that had sprouted in the shed :) And those terracotta pots are going to be full of tulips.

Then over in the tea garden haven the snow drops are slowly giving way to the colourful crocuses. 

Garden accessories (very necessary for maximum enjoyment!)

We finally bought ourselves a little bistro set for the tea garden, it's only taken what feels like forever! We got this little marvel for a steal in a huge Scandinavian shop whose colours are blue and yellow and they love their meatballs....I hope you get my drift.

I was also very fortunate to be sent these little beauties from the lovely people at Jo Alexander. And yes, they were a gift in turn for a wee name drop but oh I do so love them. This is my style - simple, elegant and timeless. I look forward to long lazy nights outside, with wine at our bistro set with candle light; I already have quite a number that hang down from the pergola but I am a fan of lights dotted in the foliage.

Hugs, more soon,

Under a rock somewhere

I haven't seen much of the world at all since I last wrote, never mind do any gardening. I have a myriad of reasons for this, none of them exciting :

• The weather has been terrible
• I threw myself into my crafty works like a maniac
• I had a whopping 3 day Migraine
• I've had the Flu for over 4 days now
• My depression has deepened

My eyes have literally been closed (migraines totally suck) but also, figuratively my depression has closed my eyes to hope.

Usually in these dark, shadowy passages I find solace in dreaming of better days, of looking at stunning photographs and thinking of beautiful new springy days and long summer evenings. But this week I have been too ill and these thoughts and images merely mock me; instead I have been only looking to sleep to save my self from harm; to pass the time. 

I had written a good few posts here but they all ended up getting deleted. However in seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday it was made clear to me that this very blog is important and I should keep writing, not just for me but for others. My psychiatrist is very interested in gardening (and asks for tips after sessions) but as usual hadn't heard of Ecotherapy, though he believes in it wholeheartedly.

He told me I really ought to be true, write about my illness and how the lottie helps but also how it isn't a panacea,  just another useful tool (or weapon). He said that maybe this was my role in life - to do my bit to lift stigma, to be honest.

So here I am doing just that - telling the truth. I am a human/slug hybrid. Yep, that can be the only real explanation for all this slime coming out my nose and being coughed up, the nasty cold sweat on my forehead and my slow movements. The enemy has attacked. And the thing with enemies (and slugs in general) is that they are tricksy and catch you out when you least expect it - search, lift, clear everything in sight and there will still be one or two under a rock somewhere, just waiting, silently plotting.... 

Constant high alert is futile and exhausting, sometimes life just throws a few juicy slugs in our faces and stuffs one down our throats. It's disgusting, demoralising, depressing - but it isn't poisonous and I will be back!

Spring time = smiles

I can barely believe March is here, but the birds are singing so sweetly, the newsman said it was Spring now and so many flowers and trees are coming back to life >
to the allotment we go !!! :)

Hugs galore and may happiness be in your heart