Photo update from last weekend

'Things' have not been good inside the head of your exhausted writer, my dear friends. The debilitation of Depression, Anxiety and BPD is real, really real and I have been in my own personal Hades for quite some times now. I rarely talk to anyone or go outside and life without Maggie is still almost unbearable. So forgive me for the lack of blog posts or comments in fact, if you have a blog yourself, I just haven't been able to think properly - I am experiencing a moment of clarity and am devoting it to this space. Little dialogue but lots of photos....these were the plots last Sunday.

24a is the real producer and it was time for some constructive deconstruction (you know I love that), as the courgettes, sweetcorn and climbing french beans are all finished now and needed composting. Sadly all our leeks had bolted too so 'goodbye' (the plot smelt like soup all afternoon!)

14b is the embarrassing little sister, going through her grunge teenage years and so unkempt but beautiful underneath it all. It gifted us some lovely squashes that we are eating now and loving. Here's Andrew's gorgeous photo of them.

https://www.instagram.com/andrewgault_/

Anyway we focused, as I said on the finished veggie beds on 24a and got as much done as we could before I just couldn't take anymore....

I tackled the bean wigwam and weeded the whole bed .I was so happy to find this little fellow/lady? ladybird which I put in a cosy spot on it's leaf. I LOVE ladybirds!

By that stage we stopped for tea and listened to the crazy lady pheasants running and squawking about. Andrew had by this time cleared the last courgette plants (one last wee harvest first!) and all those sweetcorn stalks. The sweetcorn this year was amazing - Swift F1 as always but a great year!

Back to it and the leeks were lifted (sadly) and composted whilst I did some really quite pointless weeding of the paths which had gotten grassy and slippy up by the arch.  I also noted that the broccoli and even the purple sprouting broccoli  had bolted! What the heck!! The carrots had carrot fly *sad face*, but the companion plants were very happy...


















Andrew prepared the #1 bed for mulching with our glorious well rotted horse manure, look dear friend, I know you, as a true plotter will appreciate the wonder of our manure bin....

How lovely to watch such hard work, hahaa.

Sadly we didn't get to finish the #2 bed as I needed home but! it was fabulous to be there once again (bar seeing Maggie everywhere and her bowl sitting out for her). I am thankful for the good times and my amazing hubby who never gives up on me. Let's hope we have another nice wee time to treasure this weekend.

Best wishes to you all,
Hugs
Carrie xx

P.S. Apologises for the poor photos at times, these are all unedited and from my phone (apart from Andrew's one - it's perfect) x

Wabi-Sabi

**********

Life, I just don't 'get' it, why is it so hard, so painful, so full of angst and disappointment? There's something in me that constantly wants it to change; the struggles are too great (and as my personal troubles are in my brain, no one can truly free me from that consistent fight), and the beauty, hard to find. I need a break, I think we all do.

The allotment called to me last Saturday and I answered; longing to find answers, peace, anywhere I may find it. Andrew and Maggie were happy to have me around and I took things slow, even stopping for tea and a snack along the way.

24a - left side and right :)

wild flowers from the hedgerow and time for a break

I couldn't help but tackle some of the worst areas. Yes, you know where....14b. I spent an hour clearing big weeds, some taller than me and many stronger too. It did feel good to make a difference and now the little squashes are going to get more light and room and nutrients. They best taste good!

before and after - squash patch 14b

Sad thing is I know that the next time I go back there is much more of this battle with nature to come. It just keeps coming, I just keep ultimately losing. Oh and of course there's the anxiety and depression to continue fighting whilst I'm there. It feels like I live life as though I'm walking on paper thin tissue paper; always the fear of the fall through and the fall out.

Good things did happen. Andrew pruned the gooseberry patch and the Echlinville apples were finally tided up; the espaliered nature of them is so pleasing to the eye. I know for certain that I felt good being useful for a while. And there was no one else there, just lots of birds, some sweetly singing, many squawking.

Consulting the Dr. and getting the espaliers done right!

I got to harvest the first of our blueberries, and red gooseberries, ha! - All for us and not one for those pesky pilfering, no good birds. Years, it's been years since we had any but the fruit cage has worked wonders and it's almost too much, haha.
Anxiety did take over, naturally. Strong feelings of paranoia and of just shear embarrassment at being me and outside of the house. That saw me going home but Andrew soldiered on :)

**************

I don't know where I am in this world, a seed poorly nurtured, grown up deficient in what it needed and now, an imperfect plant with so many problems that if you had me in your garden or plot, you'd have no hesitation in ripping me out.
Thank goodness Andrew sees through that, maybe he loves the challenge of growing and helping me, maybe he sees beauty in the ugly. I'm just so thankful for him (and the delicious harvests). xx

Yours
Carrie x

Playing Catch Up ~ 1

It's been a while dear friends, can you tell my heart just isn't in it these days?

The allotment is a foreign place to me now even though it is but a moments drive away. Andrew is soldiering on but even he is feeling downhearted about the place, for example last night he had things to do but instead spent an hour mowing paths that the council neglect to do; what a waste of his time.

We've had some serious talks about giving up; about only keeping 24a and stopping 14b; of whether we would care if it all burned down one day.... and the answers, well, we would care. We don't need to put so much mental and psychical effort in but we are keeping it and are going to start reigning back the time and efforts spent therein.

24a - looking good if you ask me ( I can't show you the disappointing bits, too upsetting)

So much time, energy (psychical and mental), money and love has been poured into those little slices of 'Eden' and so little has been received in turn. Plus now the plots are truly in their worst states in the A field at least, many friends have left, there is absolutely no community atmosphere and the barren ground, diseases and weeds are really taking their toll.

Recent produce (plus potatoes) and the garlic lifted

'Be the change you wish to see in the world', has long been a motto of mine, but let me tell you, there is only so much an already mentally ill girl can take and I am saturated.

*******************

So - this blog shall continue to log our allotment efforts and gains but now I shall be talking about Ecotherapy as a whole in my life and not limiting it to Allotmentherapy alone. I/We have 'refound' camping and hiking and life is looking like one of adventure and exploration as only last week showed in glorious (almost blinding) technicolor.

We camped out in a tent for the first time in years last week and I journalled, talked to strangers and took photographs (ones to prove I was camping, hahaa, AND fine art ones), a part of me coming back to life! It was scary, it was noisy but Andrew and Maggie were there and all was well.

Then we also hiked for 8 miles on Friday with amazing friends. Up in the Mourne Mountains, I still can't believe I did it but we have photos to prove it! With my double vision, it was more of challenge than one would imagine, plus I fainted about a quarter of the way in, but my stubbornness pushed me forward and, what?, I walked from the Trassey Trail to Bloody Bridge (Walk 16 in the book The Mournes Walks).

Lunch time :)

I've been asleep ever since and only today am I starting to feel human again but I think I may have caught the bug. This ecotherapy is passive and yes you give A LOT but boy do you receive A LOT in return.

Anyway, my love to you all as always,
We shall still 'Grow Our Own' but now we shall also be just generally 'Growing'
Your
Carrie

The allotment without me

This is a super huge catch up post and boy does it make me feel all the feels. I'm embarrassed and ashamed as Andrew has done everything himself, I'm proud of him, I'm sad that it doesn't interest me and actually being there causes panic, and I'm amazed that the plots around us are in such a wild state that it feels so pointless to even try - is this all a waste of time?!

plot just before ours - ggrrrr

So Andrew and I were coming home from a trip to Belfast on Sunday and he needed to go in to the plots to get some food for us. Ahh, sneaky - that got me there off guard for the first time in months. I could have stayed in the car but I walked down, just with my phone and had a wee look. Here, this is proof that I was in fact, literally there -

24a
OK so this is the first born plot, the original and the best. The one that once won 'Best Allotment Garden' and which this blog was all about for a long time. It still feels like the important one; there sits the shed, the benches, the compost bins, the soil there has my blood, sweat, tears and adrenaline in it from those first exciting months of allotmenteering.

what you can see here: (with thanks to Andrew typing these lists!)
* left side - courgettes, sweetcorn, broad beans, french beans, mangetout
* right side - kale, kohlrabi, purple sprouting broccoli, garlic, beetroot, parsnips, carrots, spring onions, turnips.

standing at the entrance to 24a

14b
Okay, so it's ours too; in fact is was gotten under my name. However, the blackberry, rhubarb, poppies and roses are the only things I ever feel a connection with. Andrew has worked so damn hard over there but the asparagus has failed (I saw one frond) and I have been too ill to use the rhubarb this year or look after any flowers.

Good new is the woodland area trees are looking good and there is a nice wee under planting of herbs. I forgot to take a photo but hey, these are all terrible phone photos anyway :)

back half of 14b

a tidy up and this would show some nice flowers and many to come

We have thought often about giving this half plot up but when you think of the money pit it has been and the hours of work to get it to this stage were food is growing it breaks your heart. Plus 3 sides of it are coming down with weeds up to my thigh height with mostly grasses, nettles, dandelions and other unwanted seeds constantly floating over - arrghhhh.

I only managed about 5 mins there this first time and then I had a panic attack and had to run to the safety of the car. Thank goodness I have been taking my hayfever medication though, it could have been deadly!

* So far this year we have been eating *

rhubarb

mangetout

broad beans

spring onions
lettuce

potatoes (grown in big pots)

courgettes

mini carrots

gooseberries

With much love and hopes for more blog posts (and much better photography) to come,
Your Carrie xx

First Contact

I feel I have been so long away from my once cherished blog. I was held back, denied the access to think straight or care about the lottie by the deepest, darkest, depths of depression and consistent anxiety; I'm still fighting it, who am I trying to kid. It will be with me all my days and learning to cope and continue to fight is my only way forward. So forward we go.....

** Yesterday The head gardener took a day off work and we had a great wee time together; I love those sort of days, they feel stolen and thus more fun. We decided that our National Trust membership, which had lapsed, need renewing and we did it so easily online and then, went off to Rowallane Gardens.

Sadly the weather turned on us and flipped into heavy rain, so no garden explorations :(  However, when you have a really talented potter on site (Mark) and a cafe, you can cope, believe us! Retail therapy...

Matt's (the resident potter) studio AND the items we have that he artfully created

*****

And now, the allotment! - my first visit since sometime last September.

So I did it, I bloomin' did it! Here, a photo to prove it to myself and the world; if you follow me on Instagram you'll have seen this posted in real time, as soon as I got there. I was so nervous/excited.

There was much to be done and still much more, haha. We are doing the Charles Dowding 'No dig' approach this year so there was very little hand forking even (it's my favourite hand tool, weep).  If you have an exceptional memory you'll remember I reviewed his book on the topic in 2014 and now we're converts.

I write this as I lay blanket swaddled on the sofa exhausted from hard work and anxiety. Andrew dropped me off and then back for a little more! and to tidy up but wow, we got a lot of clearing done in those 2+ hrs. Pictures speak louder than words as they say :)

We had the whole place to ourselves which was great for me but also criminal! It's been THE day we've all been waiting for - the perfect Lottie day with no rain or wind though it quickly got frickin' freezing once it turn 4.30!

Andrew has been working away on this plot every now and then (proud wife) and the well rotted horse manure that he is mulching with is glorious, sexy stuff :)

Two wheelbarrows and two trugs of clearing done (that's just me) and a traditional subway sandwich - it looks like we're back! Next time I'll take my 'proper camera' and not just rely on my phone *blush*

Happy plotting, love
Carrie

Saving our sanity

Arrrghhh! 14b is really messing with our heads and it's all just a bit much. We finally broke last week and had to make a decision...we are covering half of it in plastic or some such material and focusing only on the cut flowers, raspberries and gooseberries this year. So well play 14b, well played.

The darn gon' freaking weeds are just too much to handle and I swear that plot is the major breeding ground for, oh let's say, half the known slugs in the world! We are miserable every time we look at it and I just seem to waste hours every weekend in there battling with some really stubborn mutant dandelions the size of my head and grass, grass growing everywhere. It's cleared one day and they're back the next. On top of this the soil is terrible no matter how much we improve it with compost, manure, grit etc.

****** Its a freaking money pit! ******

So more love and attention is going to given to 24a and I think in the end we won't renew our ownership of the other half plot when spring comes around again in 2015. That's just how we feel right now. 14b I think we shall have to part next year, you take up too emotional and physical energy from us.

To be honest we are having differences in our lookout on the allotment means to us. This year particularly,
* Andrew is NOT enjoying the plot, he believes himself to be so far behind with everything, complains about the soil, the weather the way the seedlings aren't growing right, the fact that we have every pest there is and the pigeons, do not get him started on the pigeons! Then again he is the gardener and does the majority of the work.

* Me, I'm proud of it. I am proud that we are in this for the long game and aren't thinking along the same paths as so many young people today - we don't need to have it now, it's not like some video game, we aren't doing this to gain fame and fortune. I have wanted to be there more often this year than the last 3 years put together, I've even been by myself! I can work for an hour or so alone as Andrew drives off to collect supplies and guess what - I haven't completely freaked out. It's pretty much been the only consistent thing that gets me out of the house.

Yes I see all the problems and I do lament the loss of seedlings and 10, 10! marigold plants over night. I don't like slugs, aphids or cheeky birds eating my food. It's hard work for me to get myself there, I often don't enjoy it and feel often like giving up bar the fact we have spent so much money on it and of, lordy,..so much time.

But it feels meaningful to be growing our food. I don't know that I would have anything to do with my life if I didn't have those days of taking photos and working the day away, putting what energy I have into this blog... It helps save my sanity.

It's Friday, we ought to be happy, sorry..

I did this last Saturday on 14b all  by hand as we don't have any petrol strimmers or lawnmowers....

saved the blackberry and rhubarb from so much grass

Beautiful produce - chives, gooseberries, blackcurrants plus new dahlias and roses in place

Much love and best wishes to your plots and gardens friends!
Carrie xx

France's never ending growing season

Something that Lawerence, the owner of our Gite in the North of Brittany, told us somewhat surprised me. He said that they don't really have a winter where they are and he cuts the grass every 2 weeks all year round! Many years there are just a few weeks were the frost comes and then it's the eternal growing season again. So that made sense of the fact that everywhere you look in Brittany there are artichokes and maize and cabbage etc in large fields, all at different stages of growth.

I fell in love with the artichoke flowers that were for sale in the florists and were often to be found in abundance in large vases outside resturants. (Far better this than eating them - yuck, personally I HATE them).

It's also no wonder that most private gardens have their own vegetable area and everything looks fabulous even though up here at home, they would be over by now. Even caravans on holiday resorts have there own tomato plants growing outside - it's inspirational.

Of course there was no getting away from the fact that it was September and thus it was apple season and cidre making time. All along the sides of roads were apples of all varieties and the supermarkets were no different. Such pride in the apple was lovely and every apple I ate was a delight (even the ones we stole!) Yep, Andrew went scrumping as it was just a shame to see so many apples potentially going to waste, especially when we were pretty sure they were Royal Gala.

Usually on holidays we love going into the local markets to see all the vegetable and fruit varieties and this time was no exception, though to be fair, the supermarkets are amazing as well in their variety and freshness. Here are a couple of gorgous displays from Quimper town market, that is one thing you will always see when it is a personal stall - attention to detail and everything lovingly displayed...it was also the cool place to hang out if you were a student!

Don't want to bore you so I shall write another French piece later in the week, hugs for now xx

Andrew's solo lottie sojourn with a camera

Well as you know I haven't been the best (thank you everyone for your lovely comments - I have the most bestest followers ever!) so Andrew took the camera at my request when he went to check up on the lottie on night. Here is the joy he brought back.....it was great to feel up to date with pictures, not only a brief summary.

Firstly Andrew visited our 14b plot  :)

looks productive and quite tidy!



beautiful sweet williams








 

climbing brolitti beans and runner beans

broad beans grown well



Then over to 24a :)

the salad bar and a sneaky blueberry pot



the 2 sister approach to sweetcorn and squash growning





 

the main crop spuds



 autumn raspberries and the friut tree sromping away :)



 

Then he crossed over to the other side of the field were a small gathering of men were cooking their amazing catch of mackrel, plucked from the sea at Whitehead. Well done boys! With a master butcher on hand they were gutted with precision and smoked  - Andrew had a little and said it was good, this little pup would no doubt agree :)

To me this is exactly what allotment commaraderie is all about - forging friendships, hanging out together and eating good fresh food you have grown and as in this occasion caught yourself. What a great little party.