Wabi-Sabi

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Life, I just don't 'get' it, why is it so hard, so painful, so full of angst and disappointment? There's something in me that constantly wants it to change; the struggles are too great (and as my personal troubles are in my brain, no one can truly free me from that consistent fight), and the beauty, hard to find. I need a break, I think we all do.

The allotment called to me last Saturday and I answered; longing to find answers, peace, anywhere I may find it. Andrew and Maggie were happy to have me around and I took things slow, even stopping for tea and a snack along the way.

24a - left side and right :)

wild flowers from the hedgerow and time for a break

I couldn't help but tackle some of the worst areas. Yes, you know where....14b. I spent an hour clearing big weeds, some taller than me and many stronger too. It did feel good to make a difference and now the little squashes are going to get more light and room and nutrients. They best taste good!

before and after - squash patch 14b

Sad thing is I know that the next time I go back there is much more of this battle with nature to come. It just keeps coming, I just keep ultimately losing. Oh and of course there's the anxiety and depression to continue fighting whilst I'm there. It feels like I live life as though I'm walking on paper thin tissue paper; always the fear of the fall through and the fall out.

Good things did happen. Andrew pruned the gooseberry patch and the Echlinville apples were finally tided up; the espaliered nature of them is so pleasing to the eye. I know for certain that I felt good being useful for a while. And there was no one else there, just lots of birds, some sweetly singing, many squawking.

Consulting the Dr. and getting the espaliers done right!

I got to harvest the first of our blueberries, and red gooseberries, ha! - All for us and not one for those pesky pilfering, no good birds. Years, it's been years since we had any but the fruit cage has worked wonders and it's almost too much, haha.
Anxiety did take over, naturally. Strong feelings of paranoia and of just shear embarrassment at being me and outside of the house. That saw me going home but Andrew soldiered on :)

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I don't know where I am in this world, a seed poorly nurtured, grown up deficient in what it needed and now, an imperfect plant with so many problems that if you had me in your garden or plot, you'd have no hesitation in ripping me out.
Thank goodness Andrew sees through that, maybe he loves the challenge of growing and helping me, maybe he sees beauty in the ugly. I'm just so thankful for him (and the delicious harvests). xx

Yours
Carrie x

Something inside so strong...

...(or maybe in my case, just stubborn and foolhardy)

I was out again, yesterday, with Maggie at a much later and busy time (2pm), with workmen all about and many cars on the road. Oh and there appeared to be a startling amount of people in the car park at the allotments too. We walked up to 'that sign' and then in a haze of terror, we walked on a few 100s of metres to the community centre. My goodness I was sweating profusely and in a not ladylike manner at all! I was so terrified I barely remember coming home. I think having a good smartphone with a camera and music saved me - it distracted me.

With me it's all push, push, push! And now I am exhausted, scared and slightly scarred. I think it shall be a while before I attempt it again.

BUT ~

What a glorious day it was! Sunshine and blue skies and washing hanging outdoors. I went out into the garden (after a shower and smelling pretty again) to take these photographs of our newest purchases, seedlings doing really well and potatoes chitting like there shall be no tomorrow :)

Broad Beans (Aquadulce Claudia), there are 5 beautiful shoots so far. Two new Dahlias - 'Bishop of Llandaff' and 'Mary Evelyn'

And lastly those spuds (we added a new one too)

(Left to right) Kestrel,  Saxon, Pentland Javelin 

Well my lovelies, that's all for now. I must go now and cut Maggie's hair - she will probably hate me for the rest of the day, or until she gets a few biscuits :)

Hugs

Gooseberries and Goosepimples

You would not believe me if I didn't have photographic evidence, in fact I would not believe me unless I had taken my camera but today I went to the allotment on my own! I can barely explain the feeling other than terror at being out by myself, paranoia about all the people that passed me, unquenchable stubbornness and focused on the now when I was picking fruit and weeding. It's an odd mix.

Here is our beautiful plot 24a

and with a few highlights I noticed....

Over on 14b I got my hands ripped to pieces as I fought the sawfly caterpillars for my Gooseberries. It was war out there and I have wounds oh yes, I was bleeding as they pushed the thorns into my hands (they are small but a mighty force) but I got MY fruit!! Plus, although I should have, I didn't kill any of the blighters....

Arrrrghhh, tell me please, how am I meant to cope with all these abandoned plots around me!! My hay fever has reached fever pitch even with medication from the Dr. Oh Zeus Almighty, my eyes are on fire, the roof of my mouth is so itchy and down inside my ear canals! Why there, I can't get to there and have a satisfying scratch!!?? Why :'(

Home with a little posey of Sweet Peas, so many gooseberries I seriously don't know what I'm going to do with them and a happy smile  :D

Happ(bee) Weekend

Berry Boastful :)

Looking back on the photos for this post I can't help but feel a little down. It was 2 Saturday's ago when these were taken and we had the best day at the lottie - look at the sunshine so apparent in the pictures (though often it was very overcast); today is the 1st of August and it has done nought but rain and rain heavy all day today. Anyway - I do have some hope that we shall get our Indian Summer. Hope, we must grab on it with both hands!

So here is my boasting bit. Oh yes, behold and feast your eyes upon these fantastic statistics, the weight of fruit I harvested:

Raspberries ~ just a small bag half full
Red Gooseberries ~ 1kg 600g
Green Gooseberries ~ 200g
Blackcurrants ~ 2kg 50g

Darn it all to heck though, as we haven't done a darn thing with it all, bar eating the raspberries, it merely sits in the crisper drawer in the fridge - so really I have no reason upon which to boast ~ shameful!

I took this particular photo because I was really scraped to bits all up my arms and through my gloves by these thorns. I thought there was a great proverb just waiting to be written about this, you know, how the sweetest rewards come only through getting hurt along the way, but I can't think of how to say it all posh, I'm not that clever but the lesson stands..... :)

We lifted the last of the early potatoes as well and cut the artichoke heads off - a nice wee gift for Mamma G, I hate them and she loves them = good swap for a homebaked wheaten, yummmmmmm.

We also got the 1st of our peas - look how carefully they were carried by Andrew - we love fresh peas.

Funny though, so does someone else and the smell of them was driving her crazy - leave alone with them for a minute in the back seat (our own stupid fault) and this was the result. Oh she knew she had been bold, hahahaha.

One of the most beautiful things on the allotment (in my humble opinion) are tendrels on pea plants, I just love them.

Utter Allotment Shame

A summery day, we had 1 ~ hoorah! The 12th of July was a stunner and Andrew, Maggie and I took ourselves off up the coastline of Co.Antrim. I may be biased but that is one of the best drives in the world and it's right here on our doorstep. It's perfect, just stopping at little beaches along the way and letting Maggie run whilst we chased her and also looked for cool beachy treasures.

The fair I was at last weekend was brilliant, there were lovely and friendly stall holders, it was really well organised and then loads of lovely people came and they had their shopping heads on :) It was a real buzz.

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The rest of our time off was spent in the back garden or just loafing around. We did want to go to the allotment a lot but well, it's such an unholy mess that we simply couldn't face it. The Council isn't keeping the paths clear and the grass and weeds are knee height, a significant number of plot holders haven't bothered their asses over the past year and those disastrous messes are full to the brim with more flowering grass, weeds and diseases. I am furious, so angry at the lack of any care and the complete unenforcement of the rules ~ the council is failing us and ought to be kicking these people out! For goodness sake, we have a 2 year waiting list with people desperate to try growing their own.


pretty, yes, but this is suppose to be cultivated and growing lovely food!! (The plot next door)

So it's now been a whole week since I was anywhere near my plots. My hay fever has been very severe this year and with the afore mentioned mess of the plots in general I have been so bad I couldn't breathe last Friday night and ended up retching so much, gasping for air, that I threw up twice on the footpath. It was truly very frightening and reminded me of those asthma attacks when I was little; I thought I was going to die. I didn't die :)
I was put on different meds though and they nearly killed me again! I had to come off them after 3 days; 3 days which are lost to me, I either slept or was dizzy and very confused, those were my options :) But hey - I ditched them and I'm still here fighting away with a runny nose and itchy eyes. Thank goodness we live by the sea - last night's visit to the beach was a joy!

Andrew has been and collected the last of our broad beans :( It was fabulous while it lasted. We have kept some, blanched and frozen - a nice treat for those winter months. I don't know if it was just us but we had to skin our beans this year as they were quite tough otherwise. Must be something to do with the weather... He also brought home a load of spuds - boy those plants are doing us proud, it just never seems to end.

I shall be going to the plot tonight; fingers crossed I survive. We know (Andrew has seen) that the raspberries and currant bushes and gooseberries have been going mad with production so we need to fight off the birds and actually get some this year! As I write this I am just thinking I have most likely jinxed us simply by saying that out loud. Tut tut, I ought to know better.

I leave you with a photo of our raspberry+ harvest from 2 years ago - an image that sold well at the fair :) Oh I get so proud when people ohh and ahhh over photos of our produce :)

Hugs. I'll be back on form soon!

Gooseberry and Ginger Compote

I thought it would be a good idea, I thought I was doing the right thing and not being wasteful, I thought it would a lovely surprise.... I can not cook, I am not a domestic goddess but I am truthful and so here goes...

Carrie's Gooseberry and Ginger Compote.
Ingredients:

Loads of gooseberries

Some ginger in syrup

A liberal sprinkling of granulated sugar

Water

No shame.

I don't think there are many occasions in this world were a recipe comes with a disclaimer, well in this case I am breaking the mould - following this recipe could make you sad and feel like you have wasted an afternoon. There, you have been forewarned...
Originally the recipe came from a good place but then I didn't quite have the right ingredients or the right frame of mind or patience or natural ability.

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To begin with I had these gooseberries, which I have already shown you when I plucked them fresh from the lottie bushes. Well here is that photo again and a much more down to earth one...

I took these promising little babes and washed them, topped and tailed them and put them all snug in a bowl together. Me, using a knife is a miracle in itself, I must say I was nervous but I had classical music on and it became really rather meditative. I was listening to the fantastic Camille Saint-Saens and the best piece of music in the world 'The Swan' from 'Carnival of the Animals'. You may not agree that this is the most fabulous piece of music out there, but I can't help you if you're wrong....

Then I chopped up the ginger (definitely not fine enough, though that is a macro photo!). Now if you have looked at the highlighted recipe above you will see that it required 'crystallised ginger', well I couldn't blasted well get hold of any so I was using Ginger in Syrup and it wasn't the same thing at all but I fought on gallantly.

So you add all this into a saucepan and plonk some sugar in (to taste - I added more later on) and just about nearly cover it with water.

Let it bubble and simmer for 10 mins (At this stage it's super burny hot so be careful, don't go saying I didn't warn you! If you decide to be an eejit I would recommend having an ambulance and a trusted plastic surgeon; preferably one whom you went to school with and who will help you out for free, on standby) then turn the heat down. Or it will burn (don't ask me how I know that, I just do!)

Then you are meant to let it gently simmer away until it is reduced by roughly half. My Nana always put a dollop on a dish and then ran her finger through it, if it staid parted by that finger furrow it was almost done. This did happen with mine but it still wasn't getting to the magical finger furrow AND wrinkle stage and I got bored and smelt burning......

So then off the heat and into jars to cool down and set more (or not) and there you have it Jam Compote!

Andrew tried some and his face was a picture. First of all he got a big chunk of ginger in his mouth which he wasn't expecting and then it wasn't sweet enough and he stuck out his tongue and there was some mild coughing...he took a drink and ate some crisps and that fixed it...

So Yay me! I'll not be doing that again in a hurry; or if I do I may follow the recipe.

Good night xxx

A happy explosion of growth at the lotties

Though I wasn't at the lottie too long on Tuesday (it's still blasted well cold here!), I did run around like a huge friendly burglar with my camera, capturing hope filled photos; bundling them up in my swag bag and running off home to enjoy and share :)

So here my lovely partners in hope pilfering (a new classification of crime, haha), I share.....

So many Blueberry flowers

Cherry Blossom and some tiny fruits

Garlic

potatoes doing well but we still need fleece on hand for frosty nights

peas being planted

baby broad bean



first green gooseberries

the mint plant that never dies :)

first red gooseberries

so many redcurrant flowers

just a little of the Jersualuem Artichoke plants

Honeysuckle

tiny alpine flowers - such joy

succulent and babies

Baby Scallions

Baby lettuce






Hope you like it - I am finding these photos and a few new ones of Andrew's potting shed seedlings quite uplifting - especially as there were many that Andrew feared weren't going to do anything and now they're flourishing. I'll post more photos but as for tonight - I am being looked at by a lovely bottle of Red Wine - yum ;)

And tomorrow we are off to the Garden Ireland Show - hurrah - first time for us :)