Wabi-Sabi

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Life, I just don't 'get' it, why is it so hard, so painful, so full of angst and disappointment? There's something in me that constantly wants it to change; the struggles are too great (and as my personal troubles are in my brain, no one can truly free me from that consistent fight), and the beauty, hard to find. I need a break, I think we all do.

The allotment called to me last Saturday and I answered; longing to find answers, peace, anywhere I may find it. Andrew and Maggie were happy to have me around and I took things slow, even stopping for tea and a snack along the way.

24a - left side and right :)

wild flowers from the hedgerow and time for a break

I couldn't help but tackle some of the worst areas. Yes, you know where....14b. I spent an hour clearing big weeds, some taller than me and many stronger too. It did feel good to make a difference and now the little squashes are going to get more light and room and nutrients. They best taste good!

before and after - squash patch 14b

Sad thing is I know that the next time I go back there is much more of this battle with nature to come. It just keeps coming, I just keep ultimately losing. Oh and of course there's the anxiety and depression to continue fighting whilst I'm there. It feels like I live life as though I'm walking on paper thin tissue paper; always the fear of the fall through and the fall out.

Good things did happen. Andrew pruned the gooseberry patch and the Echlinville apples were finally tided up; the espaliered nature of them is so pleasing to the eye. I know for certain that I felt good being useful for a while. And there was no one else there, just lots of birds, some sweetly singing, many squawking.

Consulting the Dr. and getting the espaliers done right!

I got to harvest the first of our blueberries, and red gooseberries, ha! - All for us and not one for those pesky pilfering, no good birds. Years, it's been years since we had any but the fruit cage has worked wonders and it's almost too much, haha.
Anxiety did take over, naturally. Strong feelings of paranoia and of just shear embarrassment at being me and outside of the house. That saw me going home but Andrew soldiered on :)

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I don't know where I am in this world, a seed poorly nurtured, grown up deficient in what it needed and now, an imperfect plant with so many problems that if you had me in your garden or plot, you'd have no hesitation in ripping me out.
Thank goodness Andrew sees through that, maybe he loves the challenge of growing and helping me, maybe he sees beauty in the ugly. I'm just so thankful for him (and the delicious harvests). xx

Yours
Carrie x

I weep to no avail....

I am cloaked in hysteria, saddled with despair.   My apple is gone.

Look do you see it in this photo?

No.  All because some greedy little bugger of a bird ate the most of it and left the rest on the ground. He (I am sure it was a he) didn't even do my prized Ecklinville the decency of being savoured at all; he didn't take it home and make a miniature French style 'tarte tatin', so carefully, without wasting a juicy morsel. That was my dream.

memories of my apple

I eye each bird now with suspicion, any one of them could be my nemesis. Damn them all - I shake my fist at the sky. Why?? You heartless winged demon!

We did have 2 gloriously bountiful red gooseberry bushes but the birds took those too. every. last. one.

And last, but not least, my ornithology related tears continue to fall as I gaze upon the mangetouts. Is nothing sacred? The tops are all nibbled away despite Andrew stringing up some mildly annoying pots and bottles to deter such villainy.

I must rest now. Happier news shall come soon...
Carrie
xx

My bank holiday work (part 3 of 3)

I worked on 14b over this lovely elongated time off with my Hubby. We have been thinking again about keeping it *sigh, everyone rolls their eyes*. We've realised that without it we wouldn't have our pumpkin bed, or the rhubarb, blackberries, all the cut flowers we've invested in or room for that potager garden Andrew really wants now that the back garden here is finished etc.

So...
Tuesday 15th July
We still only really touch the lower half of the plot as the top half has the pumpkin patch and not much else to worry about. There had of course been some work done already but as I said yesterday, I didn't have my camera with me only my phone and the battery was hanging on for dear life. Hence, there are no photos of my work until Tuesday, which is fine by me as when you see the before and afters I do have here you may need a cup of tea to calm down :)

* My first task on Tuesday was to clear the poor roses and dahlias; I hadn't been over there in weeks and WOW! it was a disaster. All that lush green wasn't new happy growth on the plants as I thought, admittedly from a far, it was a weed infestation!

There is still more work to do along the left hand side but Andrew weedkiller-ed the rest of the back patch - I mean look what is right on the other side of the divide! It's simply a wild meadow over there and I just can't keep on top of all those seeds and weeds coming through! Arrgh. I hope this half plot gets a new owner soon.

* The next job was to tackle the very much failed summer raspberry bed. What a disaster - the newest canes didn't take and whatever disease they had attacked the other older summer raspberries and now we have just one plant and a few offshoots :(

then 

Utterly back breaking work but so worth it I hope, if nothing else it looks better than it did :) Those paths have weedkiller on them too, the grass and dandelions and thistles are so deeply rooted under the black membrane it would be impossible to ever be rid of them otherwise! I'm pretty sure it's organic weed killer so don't go writing nasty comments, ;)

* I also picked more, yes more, red gooseberries and made another batch of jam/jelly/ to put away. These plants are just givers alright, though I had to frighten a bird away from this one, he was only scavenging on the ground but I had things to do :)

I have lots of pretty pictures to show you of the flowers in the plots and stuff just around the place but maybe I've said enough over the past few days ~ don't want you getting too bored with me!

Love and hugs

Your

Carrie

Hi ho, Hi ho...Bank holiday weekend work

I wish you could hear the bird song going on outside in the back garden. It's beautiful. Do they sing because they are happy to be alive or because they need to or is it for my pleasure - today it's hard to tell.

So I'm standing here in the corner of the kitchen which looks out to all those shades of green and brown and red in the little oasis Andrew has built me; I picked a good one there :) I'm making more red gooseberry jam, only really it sets like a jelly. It's so calming to just be at the point where the kitchen has been tidied up, dishes done and all I have to do is watch over this saucepan, stirring it often and marvelling my apothecary skills :)

Yesterday was a truly awful day, and that doesn't even include my visit to the dentist (I deserved a sticker for my dental hygiene, why is it only kids get them, haha); today is still bad but at least I'm off the sofa and not constantly sleeping. I count that as a good thing and the start of another batch of good days to come soon.

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There are many a photo and tales to tell from our extended weekend. In case you were unaware, Northern Ireland just had the 12th parades which takes over the weekend, thus people get Monday off  too and in some cases even the Tuesday (Andrew is one of those lucky latter ones). We had plans to attack the allotment and visit a beautiful National Trust property but in the end is was all Lottie and watching films :)

The first few days I didn't even take my camera - I was there to work. But I had my phone and grabbed some important moments :) The first of which you all know is my favourite - digging up the spud harvest. How kind of Andrew to let me enjoy the magic furtling alone.

12th July 2014
Saxon potatoes out. We're eating these now and they are beautiful. Taste rather like Pentland Javelin but slightly waxy, they hold their shape really well. Andrew has been making Patatas Bravas with them - yum!)

Kestrel potatoes out. My goodness the yield on this variety is insane but sadly I had to throw a lot out too, they same a little more prone to green patches and invertebrates eating away at them). We have yet to try them.

Some of both that show the problems of inconstant watering... rain makes them swell and then suddenly it gets warm and they dry out a good bit and spilt :(

Andrew took the last mangetout harvest and removed the peas and the frame altogether. Those were excellent mangetout; I think we have a little tiny bag left now. We've been much better at only growing what we need and not getting gluts this year, successional sowing is the key!

The perpetual spinach was thinned out by Andrew too and all the stuff in that bed look great; really healthy. I must say I am rather excited by the sweetcorn and we have even eaten a mini courgette already :)

* Maggie simply wasn't in the mood for all this work, hahaha *

Bees all over the new batch of broad beans; love the big pollen lump on his leg. Bees really do love a good pea flower, at any one time there will be at least 2 or 3 bees doing their thing on this little patch.

And that's enough for one day I think, plenty more to share though...
Your
Carrie xxx