Photo update from last weekend

'Things' have not been good inside the head of your exhausted writer, my dear friends. The debilitation of Depression, Anxiety and BPD is real, really real and I have been in my own personal Hades for quite some times now. I rarely talk to anyone or go outside and life without Maggie is still almost unbearable. So forgive me for the lack of blog posts or comments in fact, if you have a blog yourself, I just haven't been able to think properly - I am experiencing a moment of clarity and am devoting it to this space. Little dialogue but lots of photos....these were the plots last Sunday.

24a is the real producer and it was time for some constructive deconstruction (you know I love that), as the courgettes, sweetcorn and climbing french beans are all finished now and needed composting. Sadly all our leeks had bolted too so 'goodbye' (the plot smelt like soup all afternoon!)

14b is the embarrassing little sister, going through her grunge teenage years and so unkempt but beautiful underneath it all. It gifted us some lovely squashes that we are eating now and loving. Here's Andrew's gorgeous photo of them.

https://www.instagram.com/andrewgault_/

Anyway we focused, as I said on the finished veggie beds on 24a and got as much done as we could before I just couldn't take anymore....

I tackled the bean wigwam and weeded the whole bed .I was so happy to find this little fellow/lady? ladybird which I put in a cosy spot on it's leaf. I LOVE ladybirds!

By that stage we stopped for tea and listened to the crazy lady pheasants running and squawking about. Andrew had by this time cleared the last courgette plants (one last wee harvest first!) and all those sweetcorn stalks. The sweetcorn this year was amazing - Swift F1 as always but a great year!

Back to it and the leeks were lifted (sadly) and composted whilst I did some really quite pointless weeding of the paths which had gotten grassy and slippy up by the arch.  I also noted that the broccoli and even the purple sprouting broccoli  had bolted! What the heck!! The carrots had carrot fly *sad face*, but the companion plants were very happy...


















Andrew prepared the #1 bed for mulching with our glorious well rotted horse manure, look dear friend, I know you, as a true plotter will appreciate the wonder of our manure bin....

How lovely to watch such hard work, hahaa.

Sadly we didn't get to finish the #2 bed as I needed home but! it was fabulous to be there once again (bar seeing Maggie everywhere and her bowl sitting out for her). I am thankful for the good times and my amazing hubby who never gives up on me. Let's hope we have another nice wee time to treasure this weekend.

Best wishes to you all,
Hugs
Carrie xx

P.S. Apologises for the poor photos at times, these are all unedited and from my phone (apart from Andrew's one - it's perfect) x

Playing Catch Up ~ 1

It's been a while dear friends, can you tell my heart just isn't in it these days?

The allotment is a foreign place to me now even though it is but a moments drive away. Andrew is soldiering on but even he is feeling downhearted about the place, for example last night he had things to do but instead spent an hour mowing paths that the council neglect to do; what a waste of his time.

We've had some serious talks about giving up; about only keeping 24a and stopping 14b; of whether we would care if it all burned down one day.... and the answers, well, we would care. We don't need to put so much mental and psychical effort in but we are keeping it and are going to start reigning back the time and efforts spent therein.

24a - looking good if you ask me ( I can't show you the disappointing bits, too upsetting)

So much time, energy (psychical and mental), money and love has been poured into those little slices of 'Eden' and so little has been received in turn. Plus now the plots are truly in their worst states in the A field at least, many friends have left, there is absolutely no community atmosphere and the barren ground, diseases and weeds are really taking their toll.

Recent produce (plus potatoes) and the garlic lifted

'Be the change you wish to see in the world', has long been a motto of mine, but let me tell you, there is only so much an already mentally ill girl can take and I am saturated.

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So - this blog shall continue to log our allotment efforts and gains but now I shall be talking about Ecotherapy as a whole in my life and not limiting it to Allotmentherapy alone. I/We have 'refound' camping and hiking and life is looking like one of adventure and exploration as only last week showed in glorious (almost blinding) technicolor.

We camped out in a tent for the first time in years last week and I journalled, talked to strangers and took photographs (ones to prove I was camping, hahaa, AND fine art ones), a part of me coming back to life! It was scary, it was noisy but Andrew and Maggie were there and all was well.

Then we also hiked for 8 miles on Friday with amazing friends. Up in the Mourne Mountains, I still can't believe I did it but we have photos to prove it! With my double vision, it was more of challenge than one would imagine, plus I fainted about a quarter of the way in, but my stubbornness pushed me forward and, what?, I walked from the Trassey Trail to Bloody Bridge (Walk 16 in the book The Mournes Walks).

Lunch time :)

I've been asleep ever since and only today am I starting to feel human again but I think I may have caught the bug. This ecotherapy is passive and yes you give A LOT but boy do you receive A LOT in return.

Anyway, my love to you all as always,
We shall still 'Grow Our Own' but now we shall also be just generally 'Growing'
Your
Carrie

Day 2- Ecotherapy and anxiety

Lo and behold my friend! I went back to the plots for round two on Sunday, which was another fabulously blue sky, super dry day. Two days in a row at the allotments after 6+ months of absence and boy did I put my nose to the grindstone, toil in the mud and ultimately... bedazzled!

Before and After of the two large asparagus beds - check out the wee box hedging plants; on day they will be a wee hedge

Both half plots are looking transformed and if only there had been a few more hours in the day, they would be looking perfect right now. We worked so hard I marred my back, knee, neck and hand, hahaha. But hey, we were out working with and surrounded by nature, plus Maggie was there :)

Zen Maggie at the Plots for the first time in 6 months :)

Andrew's incredible transformation of 24a has been captured in a flip book style of photos (he's very clever!) Bask in his glory by clicking the link to his Instagram :)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCTDi2MsGIU/?taken-by=gaulta

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OK. A lot of what I say about my time at the plots is bravado. I do not find it in any way easy and take sedatives before I go and sometimes even when I am there as well. I am constantly checking my back, checking on where Andrew is and am always aware of who else my be on site and hence alert to every noise they may make. If a person walks in the direction of our plots I am the one suddenly needing to get something from the shed, whilst muttering under my breath for the ground to please swallow me up.

At home the panic sets in for a while, the exhaustion and anxiety spilling out and accordingly I end up be-swaddled in my blanket on the sofa.... It doesn't get easier the more I do it, I'm just a determined fighter and know there will be good times for the memory banks.

Really, I abhor talking about myself in so personal a manner but I want to make sure no one confuses the messages I'm sending out. Yes I am an advocate for ecotherapy BUT it is not a panacea, the illnesses don't go away.

The true joy comes when I look back on my disaster-free time there and that's why I revel in my before and after photos, those little notes I take and the hugs and kisses from my amazing hubby and my cute-as-a-button wonder-dog.

Anyway, I'm off to read a book...

Happy St. David's Day!

baby daffodils for St David's Day :)

Love
Carrie

All about those Bs

In good old fashioned 'Sesame Street' style, this post is brought to you with by the letter B....

All I am about to tell you what happened on Saturday, a rare day in my life when I was able to cope and more than that, actually enjoy being at the plots!

This year, (as it is for everyone on our allotments) hasn't been going too well; we have been plagued by birds and the weather has been terrible. Thus it was that I found myself, on arrival, pulling out all our diseased and pigeon decimated broad beans. They were still in the flush of fruiting, some had flowers still to mature, but we had to say goodbye, even to the baby successional ones planted in a wee triangle further along the bed.

Beside them, the mangetout are starting to look in a bad state too, though there is plenty of flowers and pods on them. The birds have been nipping off the tops of each plant and every growing tip, they've been tugging at them hard too as quite a few plants were barely in the soil at all and had started to crisp up and crumble away from the bottom up. It really could get you down but I wasn't having any of that.

Pretty much all and I mean all (we had about 6 berries left) of our gorgeous blackcurrants were gone on Saturday. Only a day, one blasted night, after the bush had been full and gloriously bursting. Boy was I looking forward to a dark, juicy harvest only to have it snatched away from me by - you guessed it, the bloody birds. They ate every ripe one and took those on the verge of perfection and ripped them off and left them on the ground :( Such sad times.

I weeded wildly, fuelled by my annoyance for a while but soon calmed down. Andrew was off again to Gleno village for more wood - by goodness there was a netted fruit cage to be built this day! Damnation - thou shall not pilfer our blueberries! *shakes fist at sky*

the fruit cage has been working!

But, I mean look  - bird beaks have gotten to our Kale and the Pak Choi. Plus the Kohl Rabi  and PSB looks so sad. At this rate we would seriously need to consider netting our whole plot; one great big fruit cage!

So I turned my back and focused my attention on the beetroot, which amazingly Andrew had forgotten about. But then he has been doing everything else and was on Saturday building us a lovely gravelled parterre path on 14b. We really wanted a big tonne bag of the stuff but had to be happy with some smaller bags as the deliveries were over for the day at the depot. However he did a fabulous job.

Plus the Blackberries or as I like to call them Bramble berries are fruiting like crazy over there, it really does the heart good to see that one bush so big and healthy this year when so much else is a little disappointing.

Anyway, back to the beetroot, both yellow and red varieties had been sown direct and forgotten about so I thinned them all out, put the really tiny ones straight into the compost and the rest into our harvest bags. Oh did we have a feast! Now the rest will have more room to grow and become big and beautiful.

Lastly, I missed my own Blog Birthday. It was on Monday and it passed me by in a whirlwind. So happy belated 7th blogiversary to me - yay! I must remember to eat cake at some time :)

More photos to come from that day and some from Sunday too when Andrew made a quick visit :)
Love and Hugs
Carrie

My timing isn't so great

The stars aligned today, the medication kicked in, that fabled golden orb shone in the blue sky and I felt good.

I saw the bench, my cosy hideaway and couldn't help but giggle, it's perfect. Rustic, handmade by the man I love, with a gravelled area and with two healthy climbers to help shelter me. Maggie of course had to nosey but funnily wasn't so interested in it than the exceptionally tiny dog that just wandered on to the plot :)

I got to work and suddenly (because today I care about such things) I noticed half finished jobs and the real state of my flower beds, which I have simply been ignoring bar some weeding. Oh they were meant to be my project this year but so far I haven't had the best 2015 and boy does it show here. Half the lovely seeds I ordered haven't been planted and I never did get round to buying another permanent flowering bushy plant.

I start with the roses. Dead heading is pleasant and fragrant but then the black-spot is more noticeable and I realise why Andrew bought me a pair of secateurs a few months ago and encouraged me to garden.....most of both rose bushes need cut away, including lots of sweet buds too. The plants look great, well, healthy at least once I'm done; I'm scratched and bleeding (which is only fair after their neglect) and set an intention to look after them better.

Then on Monty's advice I cut back the two oriental poppies that I missed in their fabulous moment of flowering and cross my fingers that they may come back for a little flush again. It's so weird to think about it, I didn't really do anything this year, I simply couldn't care less and not one seed or bulb has been planted by my own fair hand. It has been all about the therapy of simply being outside in the air and getting my hands dirty weeding and creating pathways. I really miss the sunflowers this year :(

I finished the evil weeding between the two flower beds and we plan to get a ton more gravel delivered soon so we can have proper paths for once on 14b. It looks ok and though I'm tired (Andrew so lovingly telling me I look like I am about to collapse - thanks) I want to do more,  put my mark on the place but it's time to go. It's bloody rotten timing as I actually want to be here and get suck in, not something I can admit to that often. Plus the very first cosmos and dahlia are blooming, both are white and I think of new hope, new beginnings.

A quick harvest of some broccoli, great broad beans and 4 mangetout, a sit down on the new bench and then off we go. I realise *blush* this post is completely about me but I shall chronicle as much of Andrew's day as I can in the next post.

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And then when I came home I had a panic attack thinking of how utterly crap I have been and am. I was a mess whilst Andrew calmly cooked some dinner (with our wee harvest). But later, once I'd settled a bit I read my own 'Allotmentherapy' essay and rediscovered the reason I go there at all, seems I do talk sense sometimes :)

Love and hugs
Carrie

P.S. Our Instagram accounts are great for on the spot photos which are sometimes better than these I put up!

Shrub rose pruning / All or nothing

So as it is with the world, after Saturday came Sunday and we returned to the plots. See once I get started on a topic I get rather excited and there is so much to be done on 14b; work were I can feel useful and productive, even it is mainly clearing away at the moment.

But to start the afternoon off I did some proper gardening, I learnt how to prune a shrub rose bush. Oh boy you can't possibly understand how great it felt to learn and then be left to do the pruning and mulching. Generally I'm too nervous to do things like that, terrified I'll mess it up, but I didn't and the bush looks happy and healthy again!! Eek!

Main points I remember:

* Make sure secateurs are sharp and cut at a slight diagonal
* Get rid of dead branches and tips
* Prune away all blackspot infected branches
* Prune to an outwards facing bud keeping the centre open (so air can circulate through bush)
* Remove branches that are crossing, as rubbing will lead to infections
* Cut back long spindly growth to encourage new growth from base.
* Lift up all dead leaves (they may harbour disease)

rose pruning

I don't believe I have ever deceived anyone into thinking I'm a 'real gardener', Andrew is the head gardener, I'm the helper\ photographer\ the one who is there for therapy. Dare I say it though...I felt so proud of myself; I'm growing.

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We worked for 3 hrs straight and left exhausted! Andrew planted lots of blackthorn and whitethorn hedging plants and prepared for edible forest area. More about that later... Plus he lifted all the dahlia tubers and put them trays to dry out in the shed.

half of the dahlia tubers lifted

I wrestled with the clearing of the long raspberry bed (which shall become one of my flower beds. Aarggh the roots of those blasted devils are a nightmare to get out, if I hadn't been for the laboured panting I would have been cursing them so loudly!!

clearing the raspberry bed

However, I received a reprieve as the sun went down and the temperature dramatically dropped; we packed up, lifted a sleepy Maggie and left for home.

fave sights - especially Maggie eating a biscuit

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Sadly it has turned out I pushed myself too hard. I didn't know how bad until Monday when I couldn't think straight,walk or talk. I slept most of the day and yesterday was better but still poor. Today I think frustration is pushing me on but I certainly have limits. Luckily it's dark, snowing and cold and we got our new sofa delivered yesterday...it's embracing me...so comfy...it ought to be easy to drift off and sleep\ heal.

Hugs and love to you all
Carrie x

Three day weekend - thanks St Patrick (pt1)

Saturday 15th March -

We visited Mamma G and Maggie got a cuddle and kisses. Those are her daffs too and look at that sky = gardening weather!

Then we went and got a few bits and bobs, such as these new flowers for 14b (and much more than this photo shows) and a new kettle for the shed - hurrah!! Hot drinks are back :) Now we can warm ourselves up after facing the N. Irish winds - bbbrrr.

* I strongly believe in buying flowers and even some vegetable seeds in these discount shops. Not everything has to come from a great nursery or a named supplier. We regularly get things for next to nothing and they turn out to be just as good. If you aren't looking for a certain type - I say go cheap and you may be very surprised. For example our spuds last year came from a nursery and some from a pound shop, different types but both extremely abundant when harvest time came.

Look how happy Maggie is and how shiny our new wee kettle is :) The sky was blue but there's usually a nip in the air, hence the jumper and need for tea. Earl Gray for Andrew and Three Mint tea for me...you are always welcome by the way and sometimes we even do coffee, plus you'll always find a biscuit or two :)

Okay, ready to go. These are the weekend's 'Before' photos. The 24a one will not shock anyone but I have until now, resisted showing you the unbearable shame of 14b. Maybe I should explain? Blush! Last year we decided were going to give up this plot and just sort of forgot about it, thinking we shouldn't waste anymore time there. The plots around it are so terribly neglected that the weeds from them had invaded ours and simply - we were miserable. But, during the winter we had ideas flowing and not enough room in one half plot to accommodate them, so.... It's an ugly duckling ready to bloom :)

Andrew kept going on 24a, getting rid of the last of the chard and mooli which had gone over and mulching everywhere liberally with horse manure. There were a great deal of times that I could have sworn that he was just standing there, doing nought, but I am assured in my heart that he was planning, always planning ;) Haha. 

Though it is true.... Had there been anyone else down there they may have thought he was a slave driver, but there wasn't, not a one in our field and the others looked empty too, to be frank. Kind of makes you mad...

Yes! I tackled and sort of conquered/ made a dent in 14b; got rid of the dead raspberry canes and I honestly don't know how many massive thistles and dandelion plants, not to mention the grass that had conquered the beds. Is there much better than getting the whole root of a weed out in one swift movement? :)

I did enough work to get really excited about and even lament home time; though I was exhausted and sleeping standing up. It's been a long time since I felt that strongly about the place and how we (Nature and I) were nurturing one another. I felt such love for my plots, my wee pieces (literally) of Eden.

The Allotment Gardens as a whole are a damnable shame and to my eyes, a failure. Poor infrastructure, lack of commitment, still poor access and a real need for strong leadership and rule reinforcement! I could rant for days but I shan't, instead here are the 'After' photos for Day 1 - I believe Maggie was quite happy with our progress :)

Hugs and love
LOADS more to come :)
Your

Carrie x

Okay, the truth

I hope I have made it really clear that I try to do my gardening as a form of therapy (which I call allotmentherapy and my Dr's have started calling it that too; next stop the Oxford English Dictionary! hehehe); it's a way in which to connect with nature and overcome my depression and anxiety even for a little while. However it is not a panacea! and hasn't been working for me at all recently.

That's why on this blog, you don't get an awful lot of super useful advice about when and how to do this or that, and what varieties of fruit or vegetables are the best (I think that would be very impertinent of me anyway, as you're soil and climate conditions would be different to mine). The joy is finding out what works for you and sharing our trials and tribulations and indeed our successes!

Well the last time I wrote I indicated that I was having problems and since then those problems have gotten worse. Our allotment gardens are so neglected, so huge, wind swept and honestly, just depressing. That is, they are to me and have been for a few good weeks or, let's be truly honest here...months. I haven't even been reading other blogs on gardening never mind thinking about this one for which I have so much love. Andrew has been the one going and trying to stay on top of harvest gluts and bolting veg whilst also trying to guide me through this deeper period of depression. Poor guy.

So today I went. It was damp and empty and we just about got some jobs done before the sky starting crying (lol). Harvesting, composting the sweetcorn, now finished, and a general tidy up. I think that hour was enough for me and I could not cope being on 14b, the sooner we move things out of there and just train our focus on one half plot, the better.

Super quick update
Our kidney bean shaped bench had been stolen :( But the Green Beans are still going strong (I'll talk about them in another post), the parsnips look really healthy, the amount of squashes is smashing, we are getting blueberries (praise be to Zeus, finally) and raspberries and our apples, plums and pears are all....weird (like secret underground layer genetic experiment kind of weird!) Everything else is just ticking along super-ly apart from some of the chard which is bolting but c'est la vie....

I really need to take many more photos but, I guess it will take time...

I've been through these periods many times before and I bounce back so I hope you will stay around and maybe even say hello. A huge thank you to those of you who have sent private emails too! I have been waiting for the right things to say but as each day goes by and I still don't feel quite myself, I fear I have become rude...

Namaste friends and may you be having a better time than me and fond memories of the summer just passed.