Three Good Days

As anyone with a chronic illness will testify, good days are hard to come by; like trains they are often nowhere in sight and instead you must take the crappy alternative bus service and make do with getting through the journey of the day. A lot of the time, it can even be a little scary to feel 'good' as you just keep wondering when it's going to be pulled from under you and in my case, a good day is often followed by many bad ones.

Well, let's just look at Saturday and Sunday forget Monday (yesterday, it sucked) and move straight onto today.

OK how you look at a good day may differ from mine. On Saturday I went outside! That was a great thing in itself -  I was able to go to IKEA, that haven of flat-pack and very clever ideas and then on to my favourite cafe/art gallery.

On Sunday afternoon and early evening I spent the day working in the back garden with my hubby. In fact I was in the hubby's shed, potting up more colourful flowers, re-potting a bit of mint that I saved and is growing really well and tidying a little, haha.

My tiered garden and some details of flowers in bloom below
That space at the bottom is for the mixed leaves mix I have germinating

Andrew cut back the hedges and wall coverage - it's looking good out there :) The secret Japanese tea room is beautifully sheltered and very calming.

Today I read and I cleaned. I got the downstairs vacuumed and tidied and I scrubbed my kitchen floor and cleaned the surfaces and did washing (it's drying on the line) and dishes and played with Toby. And I felt able to think straight enough to write this blog, it's a miracle! 😀

Hugs
Carrie xx

900th blog post

I'm starting to feel stronger, just a little and I know it's fragile but (and maybe this is the wine talking) I want to enjoy the small victories.

In with that in mind - it's my 900th blog post and that ROCKS for someone who battles each and every day to get up and even brush her teeth, never mind get dressed, or ever put make up on. I fight with myself and I think that so far, with help, I am winning - I'm still here and I'm not self harming 😇.

So I am going to allow a moment of celebrating myself - I have put up the WEGO health awards endorsement badge, they made me one, so... If you can be bothered, you can vote for me as a new comer to the patient helper category..... *wink wink*

This is just a quick hello, a reminder to you and myself that I WILL keep fighting and I WILL do what's right for me and not be ashamed that I don't live up to others' or my own true expectations.

Best wishes and love, hopefully I will soon share some awesome photos of my recent Ecotherapy experiences...

Carrie
x

When you've lost your way

My mental health has taken a downward spiral and I'm really not coping this days, these weeks, these months... I want so much to be 'normal' to enjoy the great experiences I've been having recently with Andrew (and Toby) but depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder aren't things you can just forget to pack. I need to remember that, I need to recognise my illness and I need to stop, take off all the pressures and accept help.

I am of the opinion that all of us are slowly eroding away who we really are. I mean it; it's not just those of us suffering poor mental health. I believe we are all caught up in an EVERYTHING NOW way of living. It's got to stop or at least we need to become more aware of it.

Let me explain...

I was recently nominated for a WEGO Health Award, under the 'Patient Leaders' category for this very blog. I was nominated last year too but to be honest this time, it mattered. I haven't even a clue who WEGO is but good God, I was thrilled to be nominated and now the endorsements have opened up, it seems so very important that I get at least one backer. Quite frankly it's pathetic and embarrassing but it's raised a huge mirror up and taught me to look deeper at myself.

* Do you live life with a smart phone within your reach all the time?
* Do you hate it when you can't get online for a period?

Networking Icons from Freepik.com

I'm placing my worth in other peoples' hands. I've always done it; I have such a low opinion of myself that even as a child, I wanted to be perfect. Now that I haven't succeeded in finishing my tertiary education or have a job, that need to be valued is sort of, very poorly, being met by strangers 'hearting' an Instagram photo or a Tweet, or this blog. Constant little boosts of my ego and I'M HORRIFIED.

Ironically our bodies and minds know exactly what is best for us - those hikes and picnics in the middle of nowhere, reading a great book, naps, simply laying on the beach and being with loved ones and friends.

More sweet little victories

single rose from 14b

I can't quite put into words that which this little scene it brought up within me, but there was something so beautiful about such a sweet and delicate bloom surrounded by harsh dead wood; twigs that will surely trip and tear at the fragile petals as it opens...

I spent a while looking for quotes on roses and they were all about thorns and such. Well I have news for you, news for the great and good writers of the past -- roses don't have thorns they have prickles!

The only other rose alive (barely) on 14b has been stolen, along with my huge and beautiful red oriental poppy. I knew I had to stop thinking of those plants left behind as no longer mine but boy, it hurt. It seems there has been a spate of pilfering going on, actual plants and trees tripped from the ground! It beggars belief and one particular friend has had a terrible time.

*****

Anyway MORE sweet little victories from the plots last weekend....

This is the 1st bed as you walk into our plot and at the moment it's my favourite. Here we have our legumes and first up are these beautiful tepee-ed climbing beans which are romping away. I simply adore the way they wind their way up the poles. As you can see, the plot next door is truly abandoned now - that grass is hell to my hay-fever, even with the medication. 

Beside the tepee are the Dwarf French Beans which are all doing great, bar one. No idea what has happened to it but losing only one is fine. (Unlike the courgettes seeds which had zero germination this year! No glut for us, which is strangely upsetting, haha). 

In the background you can see the Keter Eden bench is still going strong and we love it! The storage is full up of sheets, netting and Toby's necessaries. I'd say it was a great investment but I remember now I was given it for free, haha. Our water butt was full again and gave us enough water to do almost everywhere - they are great, couldn't not have one.

Last in this bed is the broad beans, two sowings, a few weeks apart; you can't have enough of them in our opinion! I love seeing the baby beans arriving on the first batch but yet also have the stunning like flowers next door - best of both worlds when you like to take photos and study the details. 

So the second bed is all full up now too....

Here we have the beetroot which is growing so well, too well; I think it maybe time to thin some out but in comparison too the carrots, of which there are only 4, I'm reluctant to remove anything just yet, haha. The parsnips just gave up the fight, there was one I think and Andrew put it out of it's misery and replaced the row with some very happy spring onions. Then at the weekend he planted the leeks out. Then had been sown in a pot at home and had some very feisty roots trying to escape and plant themselves by the time he put them in these sweet rows. I see there is a piece of slate there, I'm hoping that is going to be a future etched 'Leeks' sign - nudge nudge Andrew..

So that's pretty darn good for two beds 😊 

* Today's blog was brought to you by coffee, sweet coffee and the musical jams of Mr Stevie Wonder. Sadly my coffee buzz has worn off now so I shall leave it there for now. 

* I am hoping to harvest the red gooseberries tonight and do something with them.. I'll let you know how it goes

Much love and happy July - where is this year going!?

Carrie