Monday, 17 July 2017

When you've lost your way

My mental health has taken a downward spiral and I'm really not coping this days, these weeks, these months... I want so much to be 'normal' to enjoy the great experiences I've been having recently with Andrew (and Toby) but depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder aren't things you can just forget to pack. I need to remember that, I need to recognise my illness and I need to stop, take off all the pressures and accept help.

Our tent in Donegal - www.growourown.com

I am of the opinion that all of us are slowly eroding away who we really are. I mean it; it's not just those of us suffering poor mental health. I believe we are all caught up in an EVERYTHING NOW way of living. It's got to stop or at least we need to become more aware of it.

Let me explain...

I was recently nominated for a WEGO Health Award, under the 'Patient Leaders' category for this very blog. I was nominated last year too but to be honest this time, it mattered. I haven't even a clue who WEGO is but good God, I was thrilled to be nominated and now the endorsements have opened up, it seems so very important that I get at least one backer. Quite frankly it's pathetic and embarrassing but it's raised a huge mirror up and taught me to look deeper at myself.

* Do you live life with a smart phone within your reach all the time?
* Do you hate it when you can't get online for a period?

social media icons -  www.growourown.com
Networking Icons from Freepik.com

I'm placing my worth in other peoples' hands. I've always done it; I have such a low opinion of myself that even as a child, I wanted to be perfect. Now that I haven't succeeded in finishing my tertiary education or have a job, that need to be valued is sort of, very poorly, being met by strangers 'hearting' an Instagram photo or a Tweet, or this blog. Constant little boosts of my ego and I'M HORRIFIED.

Ironically our bodies and minds know exactly what is best for us - those hikes and picnics in the middle of nowhere, reading a great book, naps, simply laying on the beach and being with loved ones and friends.

Toby on the beach (Donegal) - www.growourown.com

14 comments:

  1. Yesineede, and I'm sending you this ��in the hope it makes you smile xx

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    1. I have received 2 question marks inside black diamonds Debbie! = that made me smile :) xxx

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  2. I think there are more people out there than we imagine who question their worth which is one reason why we should all tell them that we value them. It's something that we are poor at in person. It's easier to wear your heart on your sleeve in the relatively anonymous virtual world.

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    1. You make a very good point. I am in real life what I am on here but I understand that for many people that just isn't the case. Some anonymity always helps xxx

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  3. Ah, my dear Carrie, I'm sorry you're down that road again. Your constant fight is an inspiration to me, even as you examine the delicate balance of doing social media. It's too easy to lean too far and link "likes" with "worth". Don't give up.

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    1. Thank you so much Nikkipolani; I do so like you. I'm replying to this a good few days after I wrote it and in those days I have slept a lot = feeling stronger. But it is always a delicate balance, I guess I just didn't realise how powerful it was before. I won't give up xxx

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  4. I agree with you Carrie, I think we all do it. (Having a degree or a job doesn't make much difference, I can confirm!). Getting out in nature and unplugging v therapeutic. Lauran xx

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    1. Lauran! You are awesome, hard to think you would ever get caught up in it, but you know the answer anyway - unplugging! So right! xxx

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  5. I'm sorry to read that you're feeling as you are and hope that better days will soon be here. Take care. xx

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    1. Reading your comment (and everyone else's) gave me that little boost to believe in myself and do the right thing - sleep. I'm feeling better today though I know it's fragile. xxx

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  6. Carrie, I feel every word you are saying. The world is fast and is expecting us to somewhat adjust, have this, have that, be like this and like certain things. But those walks and picnics and books you are describing are so much better. You are a lovely person and I am sorry you are not feeling well but remember that it always gets better eventually. I hope that eventually will come very soon for you. Hugs, x

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    1. Thank you so much - you understand too! I'm so glad I wrote about this.
      an analogue life is much more rewarding but I guess we are all drawn to the potential that lies behind the internet and 'meeting' people who understand us. Thank you for your well wishes, I feel stronger xxx

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  7. Each Like is an endorphin hit? We all fall for that, it is addictive.
    Dog on a beach is a picture of happiness.

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    1. I helps to hear that so many people fall for that 'like' boost. It is addictive and even with my insight into how it makes me feel, I still want more 'likes' as they are pretty hard to get in the real world.
      Toby is so very wonderful xxx

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I love to have visitors but LOVE it even more when they leave a little nugget of happiness behind in the form of a comment. I thank you for taking the time to send a little joy my way xx