Sunday, 12 April 2015

Honestly...

My levels of anxiety are at fever pitch these days. It's pretty much continuous until I fall asleep, exhausted. I do take sedatives but they only make it slighter easier, in that I don't scream or punch things (myself included).


So the very fact that I was at the allotment at all this past week is somewhat a testament to my bloodymindedness, my grit, my moxie. I have worked every day and though my contributions may pale in the sight of Andrew's, in a way they are that much greater.

I am free and easy to write about having chronic depression and acute chronic anxiety. But did you know that if you were sitting here beside me I wouldn't be able to speak at all? If I even tried it would be so quiet, so mumbled you wouldn't hear me. On those rare days like today when I can write, I can express myself and feel like I am actually talking to someone, it feels a little less of a lonely life. But you don't see the fear in my eyes, you don't see me shaking as I type.... 

But enough, I am a fighter and you shall metaphorically 'hear' me roar this coming catch up week.....

Oh, I have stories from this Easter week, my friends! Stories of great progress made on both the two half plots (24a and 14b), that there are loads of seedlings in the greenhouse, that we have been eating produce we've grown, of Maggie's continued cuteness and the revelation that I built a bench! 

I shall write about them all with joy in my heart and I do hope you can spare a moment to share in the journey with us.

Love and hugs
Carrie

4 comments:

  1. I'm glad you can talk through your blog Carrie. It's occurred to me before that when someone is quiet (as I am) it doesn't come through on a blog - there I'm talking all the time! Well done on all of your hard work at the plots. I'm very impressed that you've made a bench, I shall look forward to seeing it. Wishing you a good week. CJ xx

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  2. I can't imagine what it's like to feel that way. I have several friends that have depression and through our friendships I have learned a lot. And I have also been to several benefits with these friends to raise awareness for people who suffer from this. You are strong....and brave to share your story as there needs to be more support for people who with depression. Keep up the hard work friend!!! You are inspiring! Nicole xoxo

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  3. There does seem to be more and more people suffering like you - I think it is more because now people can talk about it rather than hide it as they did in the past. I'm sure many physical ailments have anxiety ad a root cause too. It's good that writing gives you an outlet - when I was younger I told my French penpal more about how I was feeling than anyone I was in touch with face to face,

    I look forward to hearing about your bench,

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  4. Goodness you are having a time of it lately. Let's hope that forthcoming better weather will help. Take care, Flighty xx

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