Make Our Own (then scoff the lot) part 2

Can you darn well blasted believe it!??? After the last number of weeks with the flu I was finally getting back on my feet. First there was the tree surprise (that was truly wonderful) and then yesterday I surprised my hubby again by making gingerbread for the first time in this new house - the first time I had really used the kitchen in a creative flurry : ) Those of you who have been with me a while shall know the terrible shame that I am not the cook in this house - my hubby is. But boy I can bake! :)

Anywho before I show you the joy that was gingerbread making I must inform you that I have been struck down again. Blasted, accursed, bloody, confounded, damnable, despicable, detestable, doggone, execrable,  infernal, loathsome,  lousy reprobate of a this flu (NO 3 little letters is not enough to describe this beast)  Influenza has attacked once more without fair warning.  I am merely an unarmed pacifist!  Have pity on me dear reader - I feel like a beached whale (odd comparison but true)...  

Okay, the gingerbread..... :)

I have a secret ingredient but no amount of tickling will ever get it out of me and don't come looking for my recipe book - like a cheeky monkey I haven't written it down either, hahahahahahahahhahahahaha *cough*

tilling the soul part 2

Okay after a couple of sedatives a scone and a good cry I felt better. Many thanks to Lynda, Mo and Andrea for their comments too - it did help to let it all out.

My support worker came today to take me out and I did two things that have made me feel more positive, I know it won't last long and that isn't me being a pessimist; I can already feel the exhaustion kicking in and the anger at the mess of the house now I have returned. But I must write now - I have to share these ok moments too. It's strange really when you think about it, it can take just one small action (an e-mail from an angel who shares her story and gives you strength, Maggie sneezing, a text from Andrew..) that changes your lookout just long enough to plant a seed of hope and let you know, deep down, that you will make it to this evening, that you aren't going to fall into that bottomless pit of despair, that you shall live.

Number One - Eimear and I went into Carrick and I put another £10 of lose change into the bank - that's another tenner closer to France in September and something tangible that I can look forward too as I see the little pot of holiday money grow fatter :)

Number Two - I bought Andrew the winter flowering Cherry tree he has wanted from the local nursery and got a big ribbon put on it as a surprise. Here it is:

 

Maybe not the best tree you've ever seen in all your puff but under Andrew's care and tutelage it will be a stunner in a couple of years time. I sneaked a peak at his Black Moleskine to make sure I knew the right name and got Roberta (the owner) to help me - it's fun buying someone you love a gift you know they want. I really hope he likes it.

See, look at his plans for the garden >

I hope I've done good :)

A cheeky Number Three - washed the kitchen floor and put the clothes washing on :) It's the little things - off to sleep now xxxx Can't post this until Andrew gets home or he may see it and it would ruin the surprise!

He was pleased - yipppeeee

tilling the soul

'Think of your breed; for brutish ignorance

Your mettle was not made; you were made men,

To follow after knowledge and excellence'

- Dante 'The Divine Comedy'

I am in turmoil; immemorial days pass me by, so long in their passing and so quickly forgotten as they hold little or no value. Each day follows the next and as I try to grapple for some meaning some way to make it seem worth while I instead become more lost and exhausted. I am an intelligent being but my own mind is slowly poisoning me and I fear that no resolution is to be found. The future, the past, everything is grey and the 'here and now' is only bearable as it lasts for but a moment at a time. Surely this pain in my soul cannot last forever? Surely there must be a time when there is a Spring in my life, sunshine pouring down on little old me, beauty that lasts in my memory and fills my heart, not just my portfolio of photographs.

A friend last night told me I needed to talk, to not hold in these feelings, I don't know what good it will do as I have been told that talking therapy is not right for me; trying to find the answers is futile. In fact I now try to live with the mind set that I seek not to understand, but Man is not made like that is He? We are made to search for knowledge and meaning - to strive for excellence. Well my reader - I am failing, I am failing in the most glorious way - a major fireworks display of inadequacy for all to see.

I write this not for pity, but for catharsis... no one need comment - I just want need to be real, not hide behind the fact that none of you can see me on a daily basis - that the Carrie you 'know' is the Carrie that is a fighter and how wants to connect with her fellow man, but not face to face - I couldn't bare to have you look at me.

Strength is elusive, I can only hope that it will come with the daffodils, that the warmth of the Sun and the longer nights will trigger something deep in my primordial psyche and I shall raise like a Phoenix, if but for a season. I wish I could believe that. For now I leave you and simply look about me in this new study that Andrew and I have created for me to feel safe.

I have photos of his work on the garden to share. I shall return later and we can all forget about this post, but for now, if you have 'listened' - thank you. I needed to cry but I can't, so instead I write.

Reality

Maybe I made a mistake in trying to watch a programme on TV about the meaning of reality. Physics my friends is a odd world and when it is based on the language of maths (which is all Greek to me) it really becomes a whole load of very intelligent sounding nonsense. Away - one theory about the idea is that we live in multiple realities - many different dimensions. In this one here I am writing to you, but there are other Carries in other dimensions, cutting hair, driving a car, making dinner, dancing, sleeping - the list is endless..
The only thought I had (other than why on earth do we torture ourselves with these questions? - we always need to know the answers don't we?) was in each of these dimensions there better be FLOWERS! darn it all to heck.

I do not need some fancy pants PhD professor-of-all things to tell me about reality. To be honest, completely honest, is not reality merely what we choose to see, hear, believe. My reality is most certainly different to yours and all I know (and care about) there are things in the world that make us sad and things that make us happy - in MY version of reality I bloody well want more happy.

I beg you to plant more seeds this year than you had intended, to grow more varieties, share seedlings, guerrilla garden ;) Gather more hedgerow fruit, to go for more walks in the countryside, take more photos, be more spontaneous, grow flowers on your plots to make the bees happy and dance. Yes I said dance. Be a part of reality, don't watch from the outside and wonder what does it all mean - make it mean something to you everyday - make it mean a chance to be happy to share love, to tend to your earth, your soul.

* The Magic Hen *

No longer can I gripe, oh no! First off those rice krispie buns were the best ever and looking at the photos again reminds me how much fun we had - more simple baking will follow from this :) But also, my original gripe was all about a lack of seeds in my life and that is the case no longer - yipppeeee!!

Look what I received with a thud on the floor - a glorious packet containing more packages within, which each contained pure joy......seeds have arrived in the Gault household! This is all thanks to the most lovely, the beautiful, the terribly talented and gripe-removing Celia of Purple Podded Peas. God I think I love her, hahaha. I know I have been a fan of her blog for a long time and her artwork - wow! She is the Magic Hen and has provided us with a golden egg. (Very tenuous and clumsy link there to her shop: - Magic Cochin Emporium).

So what do we have here? well let's go clockwise from the top..

• Climbing Bean 'Lazy Housewife'
• Runner Bean 'Salford Black'
• Achocha
• Broad Bean 'Crimson Flowered'
• Coriander
• (and in the middle) Purple Podded Peas

The beautiful card is one of Celia's own designs and within it is a list of what to do with these seeds and when and how big they get :) It's a fab collection as we adore our beans and peas in this house (even Maggie has a thing for them) and we didn't save a single seed from our Coriander plants last season - eejits that we are. Then we come to Achocha, which I really do think has got to go in the 'my favorite words pot'; I have never heard of this before in all my puff so it should be interesting - hope you come along for the ride.

These were my favourites - Salford Black, I let them run through my fingers over and over, they felt so lovely.

You will also be proud to know that we planted up some tulip bulbs we found from last summer - spurred on by our gift. These are one of my all time favourites 'Queen of the Night ', I know they should have been planted in November but at least we did something with them, fingers crossed, haha. They ought to look like this and have done so for us before on the lottie and in our last garden....

Plus I bought myself these beauties and they are given such joy, right opposite me on the bookcase. Nothing quite like a fresh bunch of flowers to cheer you up (eh VP??)

Make Our Own (then scoff it all)

As you know we haven't exactly been the bestest allotmenteers recently. But then again you have been unbelieveablely sweet about it all and confessed in many cases to not having got up to speed yet either ;) Tomorrow we firmly intend to work on some aspect of either our little garden or the lottie - or indeed both, dare I say it! Let's whisper it so the flu can't hear us....

Anyway I have happy joious news to share to do with the glorious Celia of Purple Podded Peas who has throughily put paid to my seedless gripe. But I shall do that later, for now I want to share the childish giggles we have just had in the kitchen Making Our Own.....

 melting the 70% chocolate with a little honey

 mixing the krispies in and adding chocolate buttons (well why not?!)

finishing up and putting it in the fridge - the cake stand awaits

posh dark chocolate rice krispie buns

yum

A seedless gripe

Boo hiss! Damn it all to heck! And other such stronger rants - you get the idea, I'm sure ;) Andy and I are STILL sitting here with this blasted flu, I was even delirious earlier singing songs - what was all that about?

Not a seed packet to be seen, the catalogues aren't even in the house, no broad beans sown as is usual, we haven't even thought about it all. Oh this isn't good. What do we want to grow this year? I don't know! What new varieties are we thinking of trying? You tell me. Is our plot a haven of freshly prepared soil, manure and the usual seaweed all ridged up and tidy? Blushing I must quietly say 'no'.

The old is still to be removed, the soil loved and fed, the gardening implements oiled, sharpened and the shed tidied. Dare I even confess....I don't know where the lottie stuff is and though Andrew DID work out the new rotation, I haven't a clue. These few photos were taken as 'before snaps' of parts of the plots a few weeks ago. I think we are both blessed that the camera battery died (of shame??) and I only got these.

A 24a

 A 14b

Blasted Pigeons have eaten our Purple Sprouting Broccoli - I'm too upset to talk about it

 We do have purple Kale

Well, it's still like that, umm, it's probably worse. *hangs head*

But Andy has started in the back garden of this, our brand new house. Lucky we have a plan - it has been there for about a year now, slowly evolving and then going back to the original :) But it has been started - hoorah! As it is a brand new house, the garden area is mainly stones, hardcore, a very light frosting of muck (I wouldn't even call it soil) and quite a lot of wood, plastic and weeds. Lovely. But as we are going for raised beds we have seen this as somewhat of a silver lining - Andrew didn't have to dig much before he was at a good solid floor for some concrete and here are the photos to prove it.

I shan't tell you too much about the plans as I really would love you to share in the journey with us but I will say this - I have a super clever hubby who is building me a retreat, a veritable extra bit of Eden to call my own.

Leaving you with love in the form of this..our freckled ally

And this....allotmenteers' porn :)

But still....not a seed in sight - oh dear!

The Butterfly Effect

This was brought to my attention by my friend Anna yesterday and I thought it was too beautiful, too simple and important to ignore. Please do take a moment to read up on the project, maybe you too will craft a little butterfly, send it to America and help make a beautiful memorial to all the children who perished in the Holocaust.

We all adore this wonderfully complex and ethereal insect that flits through life and brings such joy and beauty. They are happy visitors to our allotments and gardens and many of us adore to simply watch their seemingly random and excited journey's through the flowers, pollinating as they go. Now we can do something a little more with that love of such a humble little creature....

Simply click the picture... thank you xx

The Parsnip of Glory

Andrew and I have the flu and we both feel so ill we could happily sit and moan, cough, sniffle and cry all day long hiding in a fort built of blankets. One minute I'm roasting, the next I'm shivering and quite frankly I feel like poo.

So I was just in the kitchen there - quite literally cooling down my feverish head in the fridge. When I saw the remains of ' the parsnip of glory' and thought - ah ha! boasting about something will make me feel much better ;)

This parsnip was 5 inches wide at the top! Super long as you can see and tasted excellent - so sweet and um..parsnip-y. It's a 'gladitor' which we just gave a try this time round to compare and contrast with our usual 'tender and true' variety. Well boy!, though the 'tender and true' are exactly that (as usual) they can't compete with the awesome-ness of 'gladitor' for size and thus value for money for the same insane sweetness levels. It also keeps extremely well in the frozen ground and in said fridge (we really will have to use the rest of it up).

Anywho - just a quick post. *Cough - blows nose* I'm off to get some hot mulled wine ~ purely for medicinal reasons you understand :)

***

Andrew has started work in the back garden so I will hopefully have news and photos soon, once we both kick this flu up the bum, gggrrrrrrr.

Hugs from a far - stay well xxxxx