Wednesday, 4 August 2010

too many panic attacks

I need to bend in this storm like the carefully staked young tree. Hold me in your arms, tie me to this earth. I feel so lost in the fog of my past. 'Live for the moment' you say but pure panic is all feel in the now. I need stillness in this turmoil, it blurs all sight of any path to a future. This wind is so cacophonous, discordant and perpetual. I think I'm screaming but none can hear me.

Rooted to the spot, I am ridgid about to break. All is madness.


  1. Back up, aren't you having sunny days for Andrew's week off?? I wish you a better day tomorrow.

  2. The sunny days are alluding us, we get little glimpses of blue sky every now and then and then it's gone. Unfortunatley even though my darling is off, my depression doesn't take a holiday too.

  3. Gutted. :(

    I'm sure there isn't much I can say that would be of any help to you right now, Carrie, but I'm hoping that this will pass sooner rather than later.

    However, I do think that you have expressed this turmoil with surprising clarity, rawness... and yes, eloquence. That you can do so is a hopeful thing to me. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece of you in this way. :)

  4. How about going out to dig and turn your compost heap? Get some muck under your boots girl!! I just adored visiting Antrim, I will be sure to look you up when I return for a longer look. xxxxx

  5. Oh, darling. :( I hate that you're going through this. I know the feeling well, unfortunately... and as Tony says, you've nailed it with your starkly beautiful writing. That could easily be a prose poem. I know it is hard to believe now, but you are beautiful and your life is a wonder.

    Sending you a huge hug over the waves...

  6. Oh I love the new look of your blog. Not sure how new it really is since I've been off here for a while. I hope you get some more sunshine too - the autumn and early winter can be the best part of the year, I think.


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