Monday, 5 December 2011

So...Winter, we meet again......

I hate it, I utterly hate it, I was not meant to deal with Winter, like a bird I am supposed to fly away to a warmer climate and forever live in Spring/Summer. Yet here I am, cold, miserable, with the heating on and can you believe it - getting the sniffles again!

The lottie is just too water logged to do anything and there is an icy gale blowing through the field away = I would be dying of pneumonia within seconds and Maggie would never forgive me for taking her out there in the first place. Basically, it's just not worth it.

So I have been making flowers (seeing as I can't get to plant any), and reading lots.

Last night I didn't sleep and turned to my current novel 'The Tiger's Wife' by Téa Obreht; this is an adaption of page 92. It spoke to me so powerfully, not in the way it was intended but I thought I would share my version of what is being talked of here; a Tiger in a zoo trying to cope with the noise and confusion of war, bombs and destruction. It is just like me at the moment, trying to cope somehow with my depression.

A grey sun rises and falls each day in what seems like matter of minutes as I sit within the walls of my own private enclosure; strong steel bars seen only by me, mess everywhere that I just can't seem to get on top of. Alone but not; I have the consistent low mumble of that voice behind me urging to be to give up, give in; a deep rumble creating a kind of awareness of my own death. I can neither dismiss it nor succumb to it - it leaves me fragile and constantly exhausted. I am too weary to move, to make a sound, think clearly or react in anyway. Inside, the real me is always screaming. There is so much noise.
What is it that drives me forward everyday, what is it that says ' get up!...it will be okay.....it will be okay'.
******
On a happier note, I was blessed by the gift of another book to read - 'Minding my Peas and Cucumbers', by Kay Sexton. It was sent to me by the ever beautiful Debbie (Ms J) after she had borrowed it from the oh so adorable Flighty. It was a surprise and a heart warming item to receive and I look forward to reading it. I guess that is one thing about Winter - I get to snuggle up and feel miserable joined with everyone else and drink warm drinks and read about other people's adventures. There is always a better world in a good book or at the very least, I feeling that you are never alone.


And with that I must also thank everyone for their comments and emails xxxxxx

4 comments:

  1. I don't like it when it's wet and windy but don't mind dry, sunny days at this time of year.
    Anyway it's not the time of year to be worrying about the plot but in the warm planning for next year.
    Thanks for the mention, and I hope that you enjoy the book.
    Flighty xx

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  2. You are not alone.

    Those flowers are rather fun - flourishing optimistic and joyful, in their luscious form and glowing colours.

    I remember those grey Swiss days. Where I come from, even if winter is grey wet and cold, we Expect, on past experience, that after a day, or a few - the sun returns with warmth.

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  3. I LOOOOVE those colorful flowers, Carrie!!!!!!!! I can so well imagine a small version as a ring! (ok, I know, I'm obsessed with rings ;D LOL!)
    What a beautiful post! I love the way you write, and that spark of hope that always always always shines through even the darkest of your days! The page you shared is wonderful -- and what caught my attention was the last sentence especially! :)
    Carrie you DO know why my jewelry work is so colorful... it's my therapy on cold grey winter days! The sun always shines... it's just a little hidden by the clouds! :)
    Stay warm and cozy!

    Love you Carrie!
    xoxoxo

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  4. Like you I long for the sun and the outdoors, but for the moment I suppose at least I have something to look forward to the spring; cant wait to get out in the garden properly again, tried at the weekend but as u said its not worth it too muddy and cold. ....and as my Mother taught me when I was a child rainy days are for painting so get your art gear out I wish I could instead of writing horrible horrible essays grrrrrr.

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