The lottie is just too water logged to do anything and there is an icy gale blowing through the field away = I would be dying of pneumonia within seconds and Maggie would never forgive me for taking her out there in the first place. Basically, it's just not worth it.
'The Tiger's Wife' by Téa Obreht; this is an adaption of page 92. It spoke to me so powerfully, not in the way it was intended but I thought I would share my version of what is being talked of here; a Tiger in a zoo trying to cope with the noise and confusion of war, bombs and destruction. It is just like me at the moment, trying to cope somehow with my depression.
A grey sun rises and falls each day in what seems like matter of minutes as I sit within the walls of my own private enclosure; strong steel bars seen only by me, mess everywhere that I just can't seem to get on top of. Alone but not; I have the consistent low mumble of that voice behind me urging to be to give up, give in; a deep rumble creating a kind of awareness of my own death. I can neither dismiss it nor succumb to it - it leaves me fragile and constantly exhausted. I am too weary to move, to make a sound, think clearly or react in anyway. Inside, the real me is always screaming. There is so much noise.
What is it that drives me forward everyday, what is it that says ' get up!...it will be okay.....it will be okay'.
******'Minding my Peas and Cucumbers', by Kay Sexton. It was sent to me by the ever beautiful Debbie (Ms J) after she had borrowed it from the oh so adorable Flighty. It was a surprise and a heart warming item to receive and I look forward to reading it. I guess that is one thing about Winter - I get to snuggle up and feel miserable joined with everyone else and drink warm drinks and read about other people's adventures. There is always a better world in a good book or at the very least, I feeling that you are never alone.
And with that I must also thank everyone for their comments and emails xxxxxx