Goodbye, Farewell....

What a year it has been. Looking back over it via the BBC news I am shocked to see just how many big stories there were I had forgotten and then the 'worst' Winter since records began. Still it's been memorable for many other reasons, personal reasons;  all of you will have very different versions of the same 12 months- I sincerely hope that for you, dear reader, you can look back on the year with some fondness, with lessons learnt and memories to cherish.

For me it has been jam packed. It started with a marriage where I finally got my dream of being a Bridesmaid (love to you A and D). We moved into Mamma G's for 9 months ('thank you' is never going to a big enough word) and watched our new home take form. I opened up an Etsy shop and started to sell my personal view of the world and have made some beautiful new friends along the way. I retreated somewhat and became a little more depressed and anxious, not even going to the Allotment about which this blog is supposed to be about. We moved into the new house, with new hopes and dreams that are slowly showing themselves to be achievable with time and effort. Two healthy babies were born into our close-friend circle. And then it ended with my new psychologist telling me that talking therapy was doing me more harm than good ~ my therapy is to be writing, photography, blogging, yoga, enjoying the beauty of Nature and simply (easier written than done!) being Me. Which brings me right back to you again :)

My 2010 will be primarily remembered for the joy of a new home with my Hubby. But I could not have got to this last evening without YOU. You have supported me, encouraged me, shared your lives with me and generally been little internet guardians, gently nudging me forwards whilst showing me that where I am in life is where I am meant to be. I can not thank you enough, I don't know how. So a simple but very humble bow of the head, hand to the heart and 'Namaste'.

May the next year be a continuation of growth, of joyfulness and good health in your path through life; may it also be the same for me.

P.S. Andrew, you are my everything.....xxx

(I'm glad you took me to the lottie today and we worked together, tending to our land with love and hope)

Merry Christmas one and all

In a fit of insomniac induced madness I am up at the ungodly hour of 4.30am on the blasted internet, having just coloured my hair (which took and hour in itself). I just haven't been well of late and my sleeping patterns are all over the place which really isn't helping and is in fact making me feel much worse - not only mentally but my double vision is just unbearable when I am tired.
So why do I come here? I have no interesting news other than my hair is now 'maghonaghy/dark auburn' and the house is freezing. I come here to write my last post before Christmas. I need a break, time to myself, time to try my darnest to cope with Christmas, get through it, enjoy it?? and see you all on the other side.

I've been too ill mentally to even see my friends and so I continue the legacy of finding this time of year the worst to deal with. I can only fake so many smiles before I crumble and each day feels like a marathon.
So my darlings.. here is my 'Christmas Card' to you; may you all have a joyful, peaceful Christmas holiday and come out on Boxing Day with your sanity intact ;)

hardhearted.....

Saw this on BBC news this morning - cute...
The chinese tourist industry wants help to change the translations at their most touristy sites but I love them the way they are!!!

Photo rights are those of Chris Drew Here's some more - fun and cute - way change them?? :)
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/8220166.stm

A taste of summer in the depths of all this snow

So Andrew and Maggie were just 'talking' there about how they want it to snow more, hahaha. It's been snowing most of the day and we have had a mighty 3 inches (maybe only 2 but I want this to sound dramatic) - N. Ireland is in the grips of the biggest freeze in 25 yrs and if it continues in the same fashion over the rest of the month, one of our weathermen said it would be the coldest since records began (1910) wow!

So what is there to love about all this coldness apart from looking at the snow from the cosiness of the living room wrapped up in my blanket? I would really to prefer it to go away, it's pretty dull feeling stuck in the house at the weekend. However, I am loving this weather for one reason, one reason only - FOOD. Our squash, parsnips and scorzenera are seeing me through these dark, cold, dreary days when really all I want to do is go back to bed as soon as breakfast is over.

This utter beauty lasted us 3 weeks and goodness knows how many tasty dinner accompaniments. It was so sweet and we always roast ours - it makes it even better :) It has the fun name of  'Chioggia'.

The parsnips are amazing this year - HUGE and the extra cold = extra sweetness; they are so good that Andrew can barely get them out of the ground without them breaking in half. Okay the ground is dead hard but it's also because us Gaults have 'the gift' - it's fact - we grow good parsnips ;) No pictures as I don't want to make you so jealous that you come and find my lottie and steal them all, I'd understand why you did it but it would make be very sad and we wouldn't want that, would we.

A new and super exciting root veg grown this year was Scorzenera - yes, say it again, don't you sound posh!?? It's basically a black, long root that when you dig it up and peel it, cook it and stick it on a fork and into your mouth, tastes like parsnip! only not so parsnip-y. Yum

But last week I had a brainwave - granted, it does not take long for a wave to pass through my humble empty noggin but I think I hit upon a moment of shear genius - getting a jar of Lottie Strawberry Jam out of the cupboard and tasting a little of that sweet summer goodness. It has been a joy, I only allow myself a little every now and then to stretch the affair out but it is so worth it. :) What is a scone without a little teaspoonful of strawberry happiness ??? A sad scone - that's what.

Food = happiness in the winter :)

GardenMama Rocks!

That is all I have to say at the moment - Nicole at GardenMama totally Rocks!! I heartily suggest a visit ~

http://gardenmama.typepad.com/my_weblog/

You never know, you may see someone there you know and you may just get invited into a giveaway. That's all I'm saying ;)

Hugs xxxx

Eden

The hinges are going to snap on my laptop someday or maybe it'll protest at me by just staying firmly shut ~ i have been on and off the internet, well, over a dozen times today trying to find comfort, trying to connect...each time i snap it shut, angry that no one has written something for me at a time of need, angry at my utter loneliness, angry that this is where I turn to for help,  angry....

So instead I write - for me, for you if you too are having one of those days where you just can't think straight, were there are too many things going on in your head at once, were there is a bloomin' big cement mixer truck outside your house driving you mad with it's noise and the fact that now it's leaving, there is a huge delivery truck coming up this tiny street to take it's place.
Did you know i literally live in Eden?  I also have a copy of the book 'Paradise' (by Toni Morrison) on  my stunning up-cycled coffee table; when I went to turn the heating off there I heard bird song over the builders generator and saw a few indistinct fellows flying way up high in the sky - where were they going? I came back in here, tickled a sleeping Maggie on the way past and looked at my Christmas tree and the space on the sofa that Andrew should be in (if I had my way). Wrapped up in my favourite blanket Andrew calls me and tells me about his day at work so far and I go on a little walk with him in Belfast as he danders over to the photography shop where I get my prints done. He can tell I'm really ill and is going to try and finish up at the office a little early - just having him near me will really help (though I didn't tell him that - I was all, 'no, no I'm okay..').


I fell asleep in the end reading, I had decided this was a load of stupidity and it wasn't fair using my blog to dump my problems on the world. I have half of another post started - actually grow our own food related :) I'll try and post it later with photos, once I've had something to eat, spoken to Andrew in the flesh and hopefully wised up a bit. But again I am going to press that publish button because for me, selfish though it is, I need to speak out, I need to share my pain in order to lessen it, I need to feel like I'm here too - not always forgotten in the corner as I feel I deserve. I need to turn that anger into something else....

Hell, in the end at least there's a delete button.

A shiny new Gardening book what I love :)

A while back when we were firmly ensconced at Mamma G's house I was very fortunate to receive a copy of a new gardening book, way before it's publication here. Asked for my humble opinion of the tome in return for a copy to keep, I said 'well, count me in, my good man!' Only today did I learn that this very publication has been released early (not like a crazy criminal more like a happy gift onto the world) and thus my review must be posted forthwith :)

Soil Mates is a delightful book even just to look at and hold. The cover has a lovely texture that feels just like the soft burlap it intimates, the paper is thick and the stunning layout on alternating red, yellow and green pages is lovely. Never mind the beautiful full page illustrations (over 20) that make you to tear the book apart so you can frame them (note to self - maybe I should do that and then buy another copy to actually use as a reference).

This is a book that is more about sharing knowledge than talking down to you.The intimate and fun style is infectious; we're talking about Matchmaking not merely of 'companion planting'. There are 20 'Love Matches' with detail about how and where to plant the seeds/seedlings, giving space for each plant, a fab table with all their foibles - their 'turn ons', 'turn offs' how 'needy' they are, any 'stalkers' and  the drama of 'love triangles'. It is written like a mother dropping the children off for a sleep over, ahaha.

In fact, though it does teach us and teaches well I think, it proves that veggie gardening is not just for stuffy people but those who love a giggle as much as the next person, and darn it, it helps me to remember facts when I think of how ' Beet - with her bright disposition and cheery colour - just lets Mint roam. She knows he'll always be there when she needs him'. To use a modern term - this is a book about' friends with benefits' *blush* Plus as we all know organic is the way to go, and this book is all about the organic. It is easy to see that it is written by a fellow lottie holder who has an appreciation for the best in horticulture, the best for the kitchen table.

But not only is there info on the matches, the foibles and details on the veggies (their healthy goodness and how to grow them) but there are recipes. Easy recipes that you will want to try, with the main ingredients being the lovers themselves and a whole load of other things you'll either have to hand already or have no trouble getting at the supermarket. For once I am sitting with a gardening book that makes me want to grow and cook (I don't cook - ever).

The last section is maybe more what we are used to in our usual gardening books. Lists of family names, who belongs where, what temperature is best for germination, crop rotation, and what soil each veggie prefers etc. But even here, the fun element comes into play; compost and manure (which all allotmenteers have a dubious lust for) are called 'aphrodisics', working that soil is 'bed making and TLC' then we keep the 'stalkers' at bay and welcome the nice helpful insects. Don't get me wrong, the light-hearted style belies sound knowledge essential for the first timer and equally helpful for anyone (everyone) who needs a little refresher.

You  know I didn't want to love this book so much - I sound so sycophantic and I don't generally do things like this. My blog is about my thoughts and my allotment and my mental health etc. But I love this book and think it would make for a fabulous Christmas present or indeed a gift for yourself once the mayhem of looking after everyone else's needs is over (ie Boxing day). 128 pages all for you to curl up with and eat the last of the chocolates and mince pies - you know you deserve it :)

'Soil Mates' is written by Sarah Alway and is published by Quirk Books.

Amazon link - here

Of life and death

It's a human affliction to know of our own impending end, to realise that this life is only for a short while. I shouldn't dwell but somehow the winter months are all about death for me; the death of plants, the darkness of the sky so early, people getting ill, the lack of energy due to less vitamin D (from the sunlight) in our bodies.
We celebrate the end of the year by rejoicing, drinking, spending too much money and gaily decorating our houses but have you ever taken the time to think of the amount of suicide, the loneliness and the many people who take this time to look over the past year and see just exactly what they have not achieved, not experienced, lost.
It's a common thought - 'I should have done... I ought to'... what are you putting it off for?, why would you keep that outfit 'for best'?,  doesn't he/she know you love them?
What if tomorrow never came?.
What of all those empty chairs in your house right now, look around you; are you alone?, are you with the people you want to be with?, doing what you want to do? - NO you are not, or why would you be sitting in front of an inanimate object that feels like your best friend in the world reading the words of someone you don't even know.
I know I am in a downer, I am a chronic depressive, but I share the thoughts in order to make you see, to make you have to think about that which we all put off. What is the point of your life?, what have you brought to the world?, how will you be remembered? who will come to you funeral?

Love, create, be passionate, learn, listen, read, compliment, try everything, travel and above all share your experiences and be there for others. Never be anyone but yourself - you are enough!! (If only I could believe my own words........)
Why dear god do I need the approval of others to feel like life is worth living? Help me out here - do you ever feel the same?

Scared to publish this but I shall press that button in 10 seconds..

My olibigatory 'It's been snowing!' blogette

Yes, it snowed, make that snew (a better word I think), last night and all morning today -hurrah sort of. I mean it's darned pretty you can't deny that, anything that covers over all the dirt and makes things clean and sparkly always goes down well with me but I don't have that same kiddie feeling of, oh let's have a snowball fight or try to sledge, no I am old now :(.  Now I think, crap how much gas am I going to use up heating this house today?, is Andrew okay on those roads?, what about Mamma G?? In general, I adore snow ~ in pictures, from a plane (I have seen Everest from above!!!) on Christmas cards etc but put it outside my door and I get a bit peeved. I have trouble enough walking about with the old double vision without contending with slippery surfaces and everything looking the same - sheesh!

But what does make me super happy is Maggie + the snow. Everytime it falls, it's like the first time she has ever seen it - here she is going out for a quick pee. Runs over and pees then runs back but stops, does a circle, stares at ground, turns round, stares up at me and then the rest of the photos are a total blur as she went crazy running back and forth. Oh I love her - she cracks me up.

I also adore the shape of snowflakes -

here is one I made last week

and here is my favourite ever, sent from Canada by the ever adorable Joy as part of our moving in/Christmas pressie (hugs to you Joy!) How it sparkles! I adore it! This was taken this morning but now, by candle light it is even nicer :)

So no Lottie news as usual, haven't been in ages now, what with the weather and my feeling mentally ill lots. But look what we're eating tonight - one of our own pumpkins :) I can't wait and ooops, in fact it's time..best go.

Love as always, stay warm xxx