Our Back Garden :)

I have not been well and thus have found it very difficult to come here and write anything. Believe me, I have tried and I have failed on a number of occasions to do a little post. My depression and anxiety has been terrible and I am sorry to say that this time, no amount of Ecotherapy has been able to fight against it. Yes I have kept up my photo blog but it wasn't easy; I have even found it hard to read other blogs I love. Sorry if you feel I have neglected you dear reader.

So..

The Back Garden has come along a pace with Andrew being off for a a few days and the weather holding out. I painted the back wall one fine day when the builders saw fit to paint the new townhouses behind us. I shall not be out done :)

Andrew has been rendering. Naturally he reads about it, gets the materials and is an instant success. Really I have yet to find a DIY project that has stumped him! I love a man that can turn their hand to anything ~ reminds me of my Papa. Plus all the plants are settling in and growing well :)

 

So indeed, revel in the glory of the back garden now. It's been a while since you came over to visit :)

 

The rendering was the bit that Andrew was most worried about getting right but it's perfect and I am very proud. We got the materials needed to do the work from Mamma G for our wedding anniversary. And today Andrew took his birthday money (his birthday was on the 24th)  and bought 3 lovely large black glazed pots in a sale - yay! LOVE that!

 

Lottie news. We're eating lots of -

new potatoes

green garlic

blackcurrants

lettuces of lots of varieties

broad beans

Blackcurrant bonzana!

We walked to our lottie last night and on the way down the drive to our plot we noticed that the council-planted blackcurrant bushes were cleverly being covered by some opportunistic plot fellows to safe the berries from the many birds :)

This made me think about our own plants and whether we had many. All the cherries are gone AGAIN this year - so not fair and we didn't look after the strawberry plants at all and I haven't even bothered to look at them *slaps wrist*. Ronnie walked past us later in our visit with a big washing up bowl over flowing with the best looking strawberries I have ever seen (he's cheeky and didn't even offer one - I love Ronnie, so competitive).

Anyway we have a lot of blackcurrants it turned out, each of the 6 or 7 plants had beautiful clusters on them and there are more ripening away. I picked around a pound and was very happy getting my fingers all reddened :) Here's what we did with them, added sugar and ...... made a thick luxurious jam come almost sorbet  - yummmmmmy

It's amazing and no, hands off, it's all ours, hahahaha.

Whilst I was picking away I came across two of the saddest looking gooseberry bushes ever. Nematode attack number 1 has failed utterly and totally. These little buggers are from one plant alone, I bagged them up and put them in the bin; I accidentally squished one and almost vomited, it's not a nice feeling. I HATE sawfly caterpillars with a passion that requires a lie down and some soothing music.....



DIE DIE DIE!!! (sorry about that)

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And today is Andrew and my 6th Wedding Anniversary - we're going out for a special dinner and everything!! I love my hubby :)

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Love amongst the brassicas

Well I made it, I was at my lottie on Saturday. She had waited for me and she needed me just as I needed her. I felt better for the knowledge that I was going to help her back into order, cutting the grass, weeding around our precious food and basking in the glorious bird song and vibrant shades of green. It had been raining, hard, but we went as soon as it stopped and staid until a huge new rain cloud arrived. It was nice.

My illnesses have been putting a stress on home life; I am glad to say that both Andrew and I are human and therefore susceptible to the odd argument and feelings of distance. But Saturday morning greeted us both with a stronger energy and a dual desire to be happier - it's good for your health. ;) We wanted this past weekend to be all about spending time together and riding with the ups and downs with a little more grace.

Soppy I know, but I don't care. We have been having a rough time, me with the deep low in my depression and a blasted infection and him with work stresses and trying to care for me at the same time. Both our heads have been in melt down and the weather has done us no favours. Honestly I am really sorry to hear that so many people are experiencing drought but I guess the opposite - dark days and rain all the time over last week is just as depressing.

Anyway that's it, just a short post and here my lovelies - the lottie sends her love to you too in thanks for being so kind and supportive xxx

Andrew's solo lottie sojourn with a camera

Well as you know I haven't been the best (thank you everyone for your lovely comments - I have the most bestest followers ever!) so Andrew took the camera at my request when he went to check up on the lottie on night. Here is the joy he brought back.....it was great to feel up to date with pictures, not only a brief summary.

Firstly Andrew visited our 14b plot  :)

looks productive and quite tidy!



beautiful sweet williams








 

climbing brolitti beans and runner beans

broad beans grown well



Then over to 24a :)

the salad bar and a sneaky blueberry pot



the 2 sister approach to sweetcorn and squash growning





 

the main crop spuds



 autumn raspberries and the friut tree sromping away :)



 

Then he crossed over to the other side of the field were a small gathering of men were cooking their amazing catch of mackrel, plucked from the sea at Whitehead. Well done boys! With a master butcher on hand they were gutted with precision and smoked  - Andrew had a little and said it was good, this little pup would no doubt agree :)

To me this is exactly what allotment commaraderie is all about - forging friendships, hanging out together and eating good fresh food you have grown and as in this occasion caught yourself. What a great little party.



The Contemplative Gardener

On Monday I wrote a piece for my other blog on photography about how I needed to stop being so bloody hard on myself, to realise that I have limits that need respecting and to stop pushing myself to the limit and beyond. In that post I wrote this sentence, it was even highlighted like this -

'I write because I can not speak the words I wish to; I garden to be close to nature and feel Her nourish me; I take photographs as a form of mediation.'

It's been bothering me ever since and I shall tell you why.

I haven't been to the allotment for quite a few days now, I haven't even wanted to go and I most certainly have not repeated that glorious lone walk there and back which I was so proud of. No, I have been ill with an infection for which I am now on my 2nd course of antibiotics and though the infection is bad, the side effects are worse. I was having migraines and nausea with the first lot which was bad enough, this batch is giving me headaches, nausea, blurry vision and dizziness - hoorah, what fun!!

Thing is, when I am physically sick it seems legitimate to be at home, to be maudlin and lethargic, to not do much. But I don't allow myself the same grace when it comes to the fact that I have a permanent mental illness and permanent double vision - oh no, that's completely different. So the past week as I have sat here feeling 'really' ill, the pressure to be at the allotment and work hard (too hard as usual) hasn't been as strong and you know what? The world hasn't stopped revolving, plants continue to grow without me worrying; the lottie will be there when I am ready to go back to her.

I need to give myself a break and not just for now; a fundamental change is needed in how I think about life, about myself. '...I garden to be close to nature and feel Her nourish me...' How can she help me as she so desperately wants to if I refuse to listen? How can see hold me in her arms if I am frantically trying to do so many things? How can she nourish me if all I do is worry and panic until I am sick in the stomach?

I am reminded of a little saying that was prominent in my upbringing but never struck the right chord until today and maybe it will strike a chord with you too -

'Don't worry, don't hurry, don't forget to stop and smell the flowers'

all from my lottie - what gifts she provides.

Namaste xx

He who dares wins

They have marched into the fray, 'gone over the top' of the watering can, all teeth furiously bared and battle has indeed commenced!! 'Arrrgghhh' is the guttural war cry that is too microscopic to hear but I know it's happening. Leather jackets, sawfly beware we have sent in the troops; no longer shall we bare witness to your terrible attack on justice, on the right for our plants to grow and thrive and be consequently eaten by us, not you, you good-for-nothing scoundrels!!!

Oh I know you can feel the fury of righteousness in your bellies, your pulse is quickening too isn't it??? Though, like me, many of you are pacifists you know, deep down, that sometimes violence is the only answer!!

I'm talking NEMATODES!! Well, it would appear I am yelling about them with some gusto and an scary anger that obviously is repressed (I should maybe seek help for that.....)

We went into operation 'Kill the Cads' on Tuesday 24th at approximately 19:46 hrs. A quarter of the pack did 5 beds and early indications show that the enemy is still thriving - darn and blast it all. Though I did find ONE dead leather jacket in amongst the broad beans, so maybe it was but the first of many fatalities.  Time will tell....

I just thought you'd like to know :)

say NO to leather jackets

You are going to be so proud of me :)

I WENT TO THE LOTTIE ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!

More to come after I have a much needed shower and a warm drink and a think about what I have just done! Eeekk - this is so huge. So look out for part 2 were there will be photos to prove it ;) and have a drink on me tonight everyone xxxxx

LATER...

So you want proof? Course you do, no one believes anything these days and I need to have a record of this myself to save forever. The nerves have really kicked in now and I can't quite believe I am writing this post either. I just seemed to do it, without thinking. I still had the t-shirt on that I had worn to bed, threw on my jeans, old trainers that were in the kitchen and my fleece and plonked my headphones on. Maybe I owe a debt of gratitude to Adele and her album 21 - seems she got me there and back.

Let's upload those few photos I remembered to take....

I remember stopping here where I do in my dreams - I never get further than this in my dreams - and thinking 'sod it' and walking on, my legs shaking and making me meander a good bit (god people may have thought me drunk *blush*).  There were people dear goodness, there were people, a whole family right there at the first plot, Adele kindly sang away to me and I just concentrated on the pot holed road, trying to stay balanced. I guess that means I looked drunk and very anti-social *double blushes*
 
It took an age to get to my shed and then the camera came out again....

In my bag I had a Mason jar and a pair of scissors and I cut one of the stems of my dusky pink/peach rose - a trophy.

Then took a few photos, quickly mind you..... First Oriental Poppy, first Purple Poppy opening and ohhhh some lovely Ranunculus.

Then home, my legs like jelly, as my stomach is now. I had done it and didn't get run over either on that crazy Beltoy Road where people just go mad and stomp the foot down on the accelerator.
 
I think I'm honestly in shock at the moment - but I know I am happy too :) I've definitely taken a massive nose dive and feel so depressed I could cry and so panicky I could, well, I could, I can't finish this sentence properly - THAT panicky.

oh yes, this is my lottie :)

Can you handle the wonderfulness of 24a??
Well, I've only shown you a little bit cause I don't think you could - hahaha

 The glorious sight as you walk into the plot via the Fruit Arch (I'm not showing you the Asparagus patch that it in the fore front) Strawberries and our Autumn Rapberries in the back.
.....And I can't trust anyone who doesn't revel in the beauty and usefulness of marigolds.

A friend didn't want this wheelbarrow - he said it was rusty - hahahaha. Compared to our last one this one is so shiny and new :)

We had some of these first early Sharpe's Express Spuds tonight - yummmy and the Cherries are looking fab, I swear Ronnie and I have estimated there are at least 100 on it - I just hope I get them all, hehehe.

Our extremely beautiful Honeysuckle in full bloom and then the excitement is building over my Oriental Poppies, I'll just show this tiny portion of the plant - it's huge and there are a zillion buds ;)

 Our beautiful Climbing Rose, you'll remember all that time ago when it was a baby and couldn't reach the support of the bottom gate. Now it's up at the top one :)

Alan guarding the Blackcurrants (terrible saw fly problem with the leaves obviously, he's limited in his abilites, but he tries)

Our lovely little hanging basket, well, part of it :)

It did it an I'm okay :)

This is just a quick little note to say that although Andrew being away for the weekend was very hard, I managed. With the suppport of said Hubby through texts and little cards he had left me (he's so romantic!!) and my super duper bestest friend Wendy who kept 'crazy' at bay and was a star.

It will take a while to fully recover and I am exhausted fighting myself but I did it, it's Monday and the weekend is now over. Dare I say there were even parts that were nice, catching up with my best bud.

I'll write more soon, I have photos to share of 24a of course :) Things are well, or at least they have been up til now - we're getting 70mph winds, rain, hail and periods of sunshine (!??).

P.S. Thank you for the messages of support xxxx

Oh it's beautiful!!

Yesterday Andrew had the day off - yipppee. We had to visit my psychiatrist - boo hisss but after that (which to be fair was very helpful this time) we were somewhat free. Andrew is on a stag do (oh. dear. god! I hear you cry, but don't worry they are all good guys) and so we needed to get him last minute things to take and food for me for the weekend.

It's all really stressful already and he's only gone from dinner time yesterday; I'm not used to being on my own and fighting the depression and anxiety and bad thoughts by myself and Mamma G is on holiday too. My best friend is busy all day but she's coming here this evening and will be with me tomorrow.

Anyway, enough about that, I have a timetable written out for myself to keep me busy and calm (hahahahahaha, calm!!!?) and this is blog writing time - yay!  So in preparation I went to the lottie yesterday and took lots of photos. It was lovely, no one else was there and the bird song - oh, it was delightful - are birds ever sad? I like to think all their songs are about love and peace and happiness - wow I'm a total hippie :)

At the very top of 14b these are delicious Jerusalem Artichokes all growing and getting fat and juicy ready for me to eat later in the year, yumm - good start to the visit. Then inside the plot we are at the nursery section where I must say (whilst touching the wooden coffee table with my foot) everything looks fabulous! The carpet is a sophisticated touch don't you think? And look at the strip behind the cold frames - these are our chives in flower and I may blow your mind away with the following news...... Andrew has been using the petals scattered in amongst the carrot seedlings. Carrot fly hate the smell of onion (so do I) so we're hoping this will help - I'll keep you updated ;) Cool huh?

 

So then there are gooseberries that have survived the sawfly attack - I have hope we'll still get a nice wee amount, there's 5 plants so there is a good chance, right?? Stay hopeful. I'll not put up a photo though, it looks a little on the pathetic side.

 This is my special flower bed and I am so happy with how it's been going - daffs, tulips and now perisan buttercups, roses  and guems :) Plus loads of other in bud - eek!

The whole point of this bed was of course to bring in the happy friendly bugs like the bees and the ladybirds but also to make little old me happy, having beautiful fresh flowers in the house. Thing is I haven't been cutting them - hahahaha. They look so pretty. I really need to toughen up :)

Lastly for today (I'll show you a24a tomorrow - tease aren't I?) Is an overview of the lettuces, carrots, beets, parsnips and glorious beans and peas. Nothing quite as exciting as the tippee going up is there?

Hugs and best wishes for a lovely weekend xxxxx
Thanks for all the comments on the last post - you're the nicest followers ever - mwaugh!

I can't think of a title for this

I'm really confused, I have been for a good while now, words aren't coming easily, it takes ages to form a sentence and whilst I am doing that I am filled with frustration and anger at myself. I haven't been to the lottie, well yesterday I got as far as the car park and just had to sit there. I'm working from one sedative to the next and am desperately hoping that my psychiatrist will have some answers on Friday. I am freaking out right now - what I thought was a sudden burst of energy wasn't, it was a panic attack (I should know better), at least the en suite got a good cleaning..

So to be honest I don't know what is going on a the lottie. I haven't been reading blogs much. I know the asparagus is going to have to be lifted in the Autumn and we'll have to start again. I guess this should have been our own food we had for dinner a couple of nights ago - but at least it was British, in season and it was GOOD.

I know there was a heck of a lot of blossom everywhere and super tiny baby cherries, apples and pears etc are appearing. I have been told the cold frames are full to bursting. I watched with joy as these beautiful climbing beans germinated and got bigger everyday on the kitchen table and  these lovely Sweetcorn seedlings are the most lovely green  :) That grey blurry background is Maggie giving them a sniff before they left.

It's extremely windy and I did take a photo of the Queen of the Night Tulips but it doesn't do them justice, we need to get that wall painted and now Andrew has them all cut down anyway. We have loads of Rhubarb in the fridge (yay - Andrew is going to make more compote) and I had a couple of very sweet Ranunculus in the hall. Oh and the Nematodes are on their way it WAR my friends :)

I hope you are all well, I'll try to catch up with you soon. Hugs xx