Companionship

So here I sit alone for yet another day, with housework, books, Maggie and that constant feeling that I ought to be 'doing something worthwhile' with my life. I'm exhausted as I am every single day with all my medications, my double vision flaring up more often and a sense of deep sadness and anxiety that rarely leaves me now. All in all I feel both pathetic and incredibly frustrated almost to the point of anger at myself. It's all negative energy pulsating through me but at least it's energy none the less and things are getting done, albeit on a smaller scale than I would hope for.

BUT then again..

To my mind one of  our principle duties and privileges in life is to be there for others, bringing a smile, reassurance and love into their lives. I talk a lot about how I am nothing - I have no job, no degree, no children, but I do offer one thing....my heart.

*****

Heartbreak

This past weekend we didn't get anything done on the plots as we fostered a little pup from the pound. We had him for the weekend and into Monday morning and tentatively called him Otis. He was a chihuahua border collie mix (think about that one for a while, hehe) and was utterly adorable, full of love and trust and in need of a little help.

He hadn't been neutered yet, he had a wee problem with his bum but the thing that ruined it all was I was allergic to his hair. I was really heartbroken, his health problems could be sorted but I couldn't stop itching, parts of my face swole up and my eyes puffed up like soufflés and even my ear tubes hurt. There was no way we could keep him and he was returned to that concrete cage in the pound again.

I'm still feeling upset about it but Maggie is benefiting from my need to nurture and she has been groomed, tickled, chased, given biscuits and allowed off the lead nearby to truly bound around :) She is my bestest pal.

*****

Gardening

But you come here to hear about gardening and what not - it is an allotment blog after all. So to tie in with the theme of today I would love to talk about companion planting and learn what your experiences have been like.

I am planting my marigold seeds tonight and the peas and beans are going into the ground at the weekend. But in our experience with chives, marigolds and nasturtiums we have yet to see any noticeable improvement in having companion plants. Yes they certainly are worth trying and maybe we haven't done it on a big enough scale; they do big in a lot of pollinators which is always good and they look gorgeous. So obviously I recommend them whole heartedly - there are so many companion planting ideas here; I think we ought to try more...

But I have waffled on long enough...there's a small dog in need of tickles :D

Thank You so much for all the comments on 'The Glorification of Busy' Post - I will answer them all later xx

Namasté

Glorification of Busy

You know what? I'm tired.

We need to stop being so busy and yes even in our minds.

Stop congratulating ourselves and others on all we have got done with our day; with our life so far. Who are we trying to impress? What use is a life when you are too tired to see the beauty that lies all around you, what is the point in getting so worked up over everything when they are (most likely) merely 1st world problems?

I didn't get to sleep last night until after 2am, yet again. I just had to think about all the things I could make and be good at and maybe get pocket money from. I had to make a tiny bird, just to prove to myself it could be done and with my vision so blurry then of course it would be easier next time.... I'm mad. This morning I dragged myself up out of bed and after breakfast Maggie was groomed and bathed (she isn't in a good mood right now), I answered e-mails, had a shower, took arty photos with all the kit in play, tidied the kitchen, worked on my shop, read the news and WHO CARES!! Oh my goodness, none of it mattered and yet I sit here berating myself for not having a load of crafty things made, letters written, blog posts done, photos of the seedlings taken etc, etc...

One very important lesson has been learnt today - 'Busy' is overrated. 

I need me time, I need to finish my Sherlock Holmes book, I need sleep and I need chocolate. And I'm not even sorry for it. I'll write tomorrow about depression, ecotherapy and seedlings but right now, that part of me has left the building and that's okay.

I just needed to say that out loud (Maggie really isn't interested) xx

Namasté
Me x

Garlic and Potatoes

I come before you with HAPPY news, albeit a week old ~ the garlic and potatoes are in! This is a good bit later than usual due to the crap weather we've all been having but at least it's happened now, the plants will catch up and the rain and sun has been perfectly alternating these last days so more seedlings shall be planted this weekend :)

So, I am having to slow down on my blog posts due to my poor health but as I mentioned before I will be tweeting  more gardening stuff so do think about following me. Tonight is the first time since we did this work I am about to show you that I feel able to type and hopefully also make some sense! Depression is so evil, it comes on stronger for no reason and slap bang just when the Spring I have been longing for finally arrives. What is all that about?

Never mind I struggle on and I am kind of hoping you haven't even missed me due to your own sudden spring-y induced burst of gardening energy. 

 * Got those precious seeds on the windowsill/greenhouse/cold frame? :) 

 * Is the soil getting workable? 

 * Have you bought a new pair of gardening gloves for the new year? That's pretty important to me, hehe

So photos, photos I didn't think would be taken for a while there.....

The garlic

Turning the soil over thoroughly maybe wasn't the best idea - it seems to be so clay-y. Good grief so much effort goes into the preparations and sometimes you have to wonder was it worth it :( Still we have so many and we do love it, I hope they all survive and thrive. Three or 4 years ago these were 'Solent Wight' but I like to think of them as 'Gault Wight'.

all in a neat row

The Potatoes

We chose 'Red Duke of York' this year as a just for fun crop and bought them a pound shop, they looked just as good as any from a nursery! They are in the smaller tray (left photo). Our Second batch is 'Sharp's Express' simply because they are fabulous :) This year Andrew was particualrily happy to have the larger beds (we joined the four on each side into 2 large ones each side), this time there is room for proper ridges.

Bigger beds and lots of horse manure - yay

Glorious Spuds, grow well!

The Shed

One of my projects is the painting and prettying up of the old wee shed; I simply love doing it. This year as you know I chose this gorgeous teal and I am trimming it with white. It's almost had all the 3 coats necessary, just the door to do over again :) And then I can get the flower pot shelf put up and the welcome sign and get stuck into the insides again. This is going to be a cosy hideaway alright, a place to have panic attacks in comfort, haha.

That's all for now dear readers, sorry I'm worse again but I am still taking photos and will share every progress (and failure), just maybe a week or so behind myself *blush*.

Namasté

Has Spring Sprung?

I have so much to share with you yet for the past few days I have felt too ill and too unworthy of writing. You all know I have chronic depression and anxiety problems and I have felt good whilst at the lottie but when I am home again I lose the metaphorical plot and thus the computer is simply an alien machine and my hands don't do my bidding.

If you follow me on twitter you'll have first hand knowledge that some of the days over Easter were fabulous for me. I had rare moments of complete calm and happiness being absorbed in some job or another and there being no one else around.

When is the last time you lay on your back, flat out, without giving a thought to how messy and fat you look? Just laying there eyes closed to the sun and listening to Nature's lullaby; the wind, the grass, the river behind, the chickens, the song birds, the distant traffic.... I have been doing it and I promise all worries melt away for a short while and you are just you, in a field, a part of the earth, stripped back to be just the same as everyone else.

To cheer me up today I am merely going to post some seedling photos. The stories and major improvements to the plots can wait until I am of a clearer mind and can write better.

Lettuce seedlings

Those poor potatoes (well they're in now)

Broad beans - now these do cheer me up

My gorgeous Sweet peas - (thank you Anna)

** For you, dear readers and friends who give me strength at times like these and remind me that I must listen to my body and...

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience."

 Ralph Waldo Emerson

**

An Invisible Spring

The fire has been quashed in the belly by the ever present suffocating dense layer of white cloud I see everyday. We are lucky in terms of no snow or floods here but still this coldness never recedes the sky is only occasionally blue in tiny blotches and I feel so terribly empty inside.

It's a daily battle with myself to try and inject some hope that the better weather will come around. We don't see a point to planting seeds and why go to the plot when it is so sodden and I freeze in next to no time. Mother Nature and Ecotherapy are really toying with me these past weeks and the feeling is like that of being winded by a punch to the torso.

Then of course I feel guilty for being so pathetic when there are millions of people worse off than me sitting here in my warm home, safe and with access to all the water and food I need. I guess this is just how depression works, right?

We have broad beans, lettuce and sweet peas in our potting shed (kept warmer or at least frost free by a church candle burning inside it).  I know the garlic is ready to go as are the potatoes which are always planted on St Patrick's Day but not this year. We should have beetroot sown and leeks and lots more including flowers but what's the point; the weatherman said this cold and damp will probably last until the end of April.

My Spring is hiding and I need her. 

This was us last year, look at all that sun and the nice dry soil *sigh* .....

I hope for you at the weather is treating your area better and you still have that glow I so long for, that flicker of joy in the new life that is appearing, that tinge of hope for a great year now winter has passed. I am making more arty things these days instead and trying hard to connect with people in the flesh - keep the hope alive my friends!

Hugs

St Patrick's Day

Oh what a let down, it was all going so well until yesterday when it rained, then there was sleet then snow and rain all day, all night :( St Patrick's Day is our traditional day for planting the spuds but no, when we arrived at the allotment (bright and early - go us!) the paths were enough of a giveaway - the ground was sodden. If you are into rotten potatoes, fine go ahead but I kind of like them to be edible.

 *****

So I would like to share with you our back garden instead :)  There have been some improvements and the swelling of buds and bulbs has been bring joy and loads of birds. Oh yes! we are officially on the map as the place to get your seeds and fat balls.

The hard landscaping

I am so lucky in my 'catch'; my hubby can lift his hand to anything and does each and every thing he puts his mind to with perfection. It's actually a little bit annoying at times that he can be so awesome, ggrrrr BUT he does remind me of my Big Papa in this way and that causes me to love him even more!  Our main trees and bamboos are finally settled and starting to grow; I feel this summer will be luscious.

He made this >

A super fab screen to stop over-looking

And we have further plans to make this area fabulous. Number one is getting rid of that umbrella.

Plus look at how happy our Christmas boxes and beech hedge is looking; happy and healthy and if I could use my nostrils....supposedly the Christmas box smelt wondrous.

The Acer buds, beech hedge bud profusion and cherry blossoms

The pretties that bring joy

Look at the joy, the yellow shiny bright joy that is the glorious tete-a-tete, on mass it is a happy pill that works through you merely seeing them. Of course the tulips are coming too and I am really looking forward to that. In the photo below the black pot has some long forgotten tete-a-tetes that had sprouted in the shed :) And those terracotta pots are going to be full of tulips.

Then over in the tea garden haven the snow drops are slowly giving way to the colourful crocuses. 

Garden accessories (very necessary for maximum enjoyment!)

We finally bought ourselves a little bistro set for the tea garden, it's only taken what feels like forever! We got this little marvel for a steal in a huge Scandinavian shop whose colours are blue and yellow and they love their meatballs....I hope you get my drift.

I was also very fortunate to be sent these little beauties from the lovely people at Jo Alexander. And yes, they were a gift in turn for a wee name drop but oh I do so love them. This is my style - simple, elegant and timeless. I look forward to long lazy nights outside, with wine at our bistro set with candle light; I already have quite a number that hang down from the pergola but I am a fan of lights dotted in the foliage.

Hugs, more soon,

Under a rock somewhere

I haven't seen much of the world at all since I last wrote, never mind do any gardening. I have a myriad of reasons for this, none of them exciting :

• The weather has been terrible
• I threw myself into my crafty works like a maniac
• I had a whopping 3 day Migraine
• I've had the Flu for over 4 days now
• My depression has deepened

My eyes have literally been closed (migraines totally suck) but also, figuratively my depression has closed my eyes to hope.

Usually in these dark, shadowy passages I find solace in dreaming of better days, of looking at stunning photographs and thinking of beautiful new springy days and long summer evenings. But this week I have been too ill and these thoughts and images merely mock me; instead I have been only looking to sleep to save my self from harm; to pass the time. 

I had written a good few posts here but they all ended up getting deleted. However in seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday it was made clear to me that this very blog is important and I should keep writing, not just for me but for others. My psychiatrist is very interested in gardening (and asks for tips after sessions) but as usual hadn't heard of Ecotherapy, though he believes in it wholeheartedly.

He told me I really ought to be true, write about my illness and how the lottie helps but also how it isn't a panacea,  just another useful tool (or weapon). He said that maybe this was my role in life - to do my bit to lift stigma, to be honest.

So here I am doing just that - telling the truth. I am a human/slug hybrid. Yep, that can be the only real explanation for all this slime coming out my nose and being coughed up, the nasty cold sweat on my forehead and my slow movements. The enemy has attacked. And the thing with enemies (and slugs in general) is that they are tricksy and catch you out when you least expect it - search, lift, clear everything in sight and there will still be one or two under a rock somewhere, just waiting, silently plotting.... 

Constant high alert is futile and exhausting, sometimes life just throws a few juicy slugs in our faces and stuffs one down our throats. It's disgusting, demoralising, depressing - but it isn't poisonous and I will be back!

Spring time = smiles

I can barely believe March is here, but the birds are singing so sweetly, the newsman said it was Spring now and so many flowers and trees are coming back to life >
to the allotment we go !!! :)

Hugs galore and may happiness be in your heart

Excellent progress on the plots

First off I want to tell you it was snowing when we went to the lottie on Saturday - we are so hardcore!! Okay so it was hardly anything but at least it shows our commitment and it could have got bad; we didn't know, we didn't care.

I managed to finish the wedding of the flower bed - hurrah. There was one utterly gross bit there in front of the very faded sign and the pointy bit... There was 5, yes count them, 5 hand trowels full of maggots. Boke! They were wiggly and fat and I couldn't find what they were eating but it was a moment of pure 'I am woman, hear me roar!' - I didn't even squeal (though I felt like it inside). Now I really need to sort out the grassy paths and make a new sign, then I'll be much happier

Raspberries moved

Andrew has wanted to do this for a while now as the summer raspberries were really awful to harvest over on 24a with the trees blocking access down one side. Plus they were throwing out new shoots into the paths over there and needed a lot more room. I am so impressed that he did all this by himself and the berries will be easier to pick and protect - I swear, netting is going up and "birds! listen up; they're mine this year!"

Strawberries Weeded

I took on the task of weeding the Strawberry bed. It doesn't look that awful but it was and the pure clay that is in there was a nightmare on the trowel; my new cotton gloves were caked in it, I really need plastic ones or something more manly, but my hands are tiny. We used to have asparagus in here, but we're thinking that we may put some new crowns into the vacated summer raspberry bed. When it was an asparagus bed loads of compost, sand and grit was worked into this soil and it was delightful - the blasted rain and subsequent flooding of the field every winter seems to have removed all that goodness and the soil is simply only good for making pots or bricks - arrghh. I ended up getting very peeved and chucked loads of clumps into the far hedgerow.

We didn't (either of us) see a single worm during all this digging - isn't that just awful? Not one. But the new growth particularly in the flower bed has brought us many a smile. The narcissus tete-a-tete's continue to bloom double headed and those spots of yellow are joy itself. And the red rose has gorgeous new shoots coming and looks so healthy - beware aphids, I already have my eyes on the lookout for any signs of you - keep out!

Lastly I must share this sad sight. One of our gnomes has died in a most gruesome manner, falling off a high post (he ought not to have been there in the first place, just saying, cough, cough) and like Humpty Dumpty, he was just beyond help. As a dedication to his memory he shall be used as crocks in the bottom of the next pot we plant up. Farewell little friend......

 Hugs and love

An Allotment Check-up

We had an allotment 'date' last Friday, as Andrew had taken a much needed day off :) I painted inside the shed and then got very panicky, feeling cooped up alone while he was over on the other half plot working away. So after a wee trip out for a warm drink and and sit down together I felt better, much better and we went back and got to work again together.

Andrew planted 3 blackthorn trees = our very own sloe berries for the traditional lottie sloe gin :) They will also act as a much needed screen up at the top of 14b, by the compost bins. I did take a photo but it's awful and do you really want to see 3 brown twigs in a row in brown soil??

He also cut back and tied in the blackberry, which was something I started a few months back but my double vision was sort of a hazard, hahaha. It looked like I'd  had a fight with a crazy litter of cats; so many big cuts and blood on my gloves. Still, as least I tried. Here's Andrew glorious work though....

the blackberry all tied in for the season ahead

I am so looking forward to more jam but also I found this blackberry frozen yogurt recipe on Pinterest.

I continued with the incredible task of weeding the main flower bed. It is just infested with weeds, yes some would be our own but I swear most are from the 3 plots that surround us - they have been abandoned for about a year now and do nothing but grow weeds and then spread them all over the darn place - usually right slap bang into our plots! Oh if only all vegetables and fruit were so prolific.

I'm very near to being finished (though as you'll know yourself, I probably think I'm finished when I need to start all over again) and it looks good. We have a lot of tulips and daffodils coming through and the first little Narcissus 'Tete-a-tete' was in flower. Look! doesn't it fill you heart with joy?

Happiness is yellow :)

I also loved this daisy, I can't help myself...

I love daisies, I can't help myself :)

Prepare for a little rant now, just my personal view point.....

****

I am annoyed today, very annoyed. A letter arrived from the Council and they have decided to up our rent by a whooping 14%! I wouldn't mind so much if the Council was actually good at helping us and providing us with the basic necessities but they don't...

* The fields have no proper drainage and many plots are flooded, even as I weeded, going half a hand fork in depth the soil, I was encountering pools of water! Our whole allotment has been double dug and has raised beds, plus we have spent so much money on grit and topsoil and getting great manure to improve everything, best we can. It really feels pointless.

*They do not look after the roads. Look at them! never mind that the paths between plots are so slippery (see above) that I am scared to walk around, now there is no way I could go to the Allotment Gardens alone if I wanted to - the roads aren't even safe for me. 

Road between field A and B.

*There is no basic security in place, not a good fence or even the improved hedges (to also act as wind breaks) that were meant to be put in. People can just walk in nilly willy if they want to and it's going to get worse if rumours are true. There is a new community building being built just above the allotment grounds and I have been told by many that access to it from the village is through the centre of the allotment gardens. I hope this isn't true.

*We do not get the Council green waste we were promised over and over; there are no skip days any more to safely dispose of our rubbish and proper management of the plots in terms of so many abandoned ones, is ridiculous whilst there is still a huge waiting list. I am sickened, utterly downhearted.

But I must end on a happy note - 

Look at the rhurbab and the honeysuckle, plus the broad bean seeds have been planted and the garlic looks amazing (but I can't find the photo!)

What are you up too?? Is it starting to feel springy where you are???

Woooo Hooo I'm a guest blogger

I have to share the news cause life has been super tough this year so far and this has made me quite pleased indeed. I was contacted my Thompson and Morgan seeds and asked if I would write a blog post for them on Ecotherapy. Now it must be said, I get contacted by people a lot wanting me to big up their products or shops but I decline with thanks. This time though the lady I was speaking with, Rebecca, was a delight and she actually got me and asked my to write about my passion; to share the idea that gardening could help your low mood, anxiety levels and stress. So I said " YES, PLEASE"

Click the link and see :)
http://blog.thompson-morgan.com/guest-blog/under-the-weather/

oh and if you truly love me, I would exchange free hugs and kisses for a comment left other there *shy smile*.

Thank you and have a fab day - it's sunny here - hurrah.
Love ...

Looking longingly at Friday

Oh this weather is a killer! We didn't manage to get to the lottie at all last weekend and this weekend looks crappy too - but we have hope for Friday :) Always with the hope, it's a gardener's mantra. Painting to be done, beds to get sorted and seeds to be sown =  happy times and spring is coming.

So, sadly I have little to show you but I shall get you up to date with the shed make over and the work Andrew has done outside in the mud.

Second coat in some places but it's really starting to take shape and I have been buying some accessories for it and making some too :) I will come together in time and it shall be glorious!

Andrew dug up our huge rhubarb and spilt it in two, planting them over at the top of 14b. We are going to make that whole area a fabulous non-fussy place with plants that don't need moving and a purposely wilder feel with our new round bed up there. We are so glad the ground up there has been covered with carpet since we got it - so easy to dig and hardly any weeds able to take hold (though now I've said that we shall return to find the place a mess of dandelions, right?? I've just jinxed myself).

He has also tidied up that mess of a flower bed and put mysterious posts into the ground just to the left, hummmm.....

Where that large rhubarb was (in the coffin bed) we now have our third Blueberry bush - hoorah!!! That 3rd bush has been sitting along there since we left Mamma G's to move into our new house and now, finally it has a permanent home. Plus we are going to cover this bed with a cage of netting to try and keep those pesky berry stealing birds out - I shall have my own Blueberries this year! Huzzah!!

I have started a Pinterest page for allotment produce and ingredients. Ohhh I have desires to go mad and make as much as humanly possible this year.

I shall take photos of my accessories when we do get back there, as I know you can't contain your excitement  - I can feel it through the net, haha. My fingers are itching to get painting again, white, bright, happy white!!!