Violins of autumn

I need to talk, the words have been bubbling up in my throat straight from my heart for the last week or so. I need to speak out in order to take power away from my depression. It has been winning, it has taken me by such surprise, such as when you walk up the stairs, think there is one more to come and fall through the air and your heart sinks. I haven't been able to read or write, barely walk or talk for depression has destroyed me. 

Many days on the sofa in my pj's, forgetting to eat or drink, unable to wash or care about anything - this has been the reason I have been absent from the blogging world. Absent from life.

As Friday night draws closer I feel evermore like rotten fruit felt to disintegrate in a mouldy heap. The weekend is coming and I could see it in hell; I just want to be alone, unseen. Resting, a drugged sleep if need be, until I feel half myself again. 

THOUGH HOPE REMAINS..

I did taste a reprieve on Wednesday evening; I thought I'd turned a corner with the help of a wonderful harvest to process - I sang silly songs and worked with Andrew making apple and stem ginger compote and damson fruit leather. It was wonderful. But all the more painful for having been ripped away from me the next morning.

I have fun things to share and lots of photos from weeks past but for now, please hold me in your thoughts a moment and spare a little love for one who feels so empty. 

Though I know I am blessed beyond measure by having Andrew by my side and

STILL WILL I RISE!

Hugs

Carrie x

A beautiful Autumn day

I have been so busy this week, you simply must forgive me ;) I have my very 1st craft fair tomorrow, or rather, today as it is now way past my bedtime!! I am going to Cookstown (which has the longest street in Ireland, maybe even Europe - wow, I know) to try and ply my photographic and crafty wares. Please send all the most powerful and optimist vibes you can, I need them - eek!

So last weekend Andrew and I went for a lovely drive. We do happen to live in one of the most amazingly gorgeous places in the world - the Antrim Coast. So we drove and stopped for a beer and then went to Carnfunnock Country Park to revel in the beauty of the autumnal colours with our wee Maggie in tow. Here are a few (I think) delightful photographs to prove, if proof were needed, that Autumn, although often despressing can in fact be one of the most nautrally glorious times of the year.....

My love, as always...

Ummmmmmm, a collage would have been good here but I am far too sleepy...

Talk next week as we are off to Dublin for the weekend - yippppeeee!

Forgotten about :(.....so sad....but thankful too

Today my hubby forgot about me. He was working in Carrickfergus Castle and was supposed to come and get me afterwards and let me hitch along side him up to Belfast. It's a beautiful (though chilly) autumn day and I wanted to take photographs of the Continental Market up for the Festive period in front of our amazing City Hall.

I rang him at 1.30pm, thinking 'oh I hope he finishes soon, I'm hungry and would love to share lunch with him'. He was in work, no not the Castle, work ie. the office, in Belfast. 'Oh my goodness, I totally forgot about you' (or words to those effect). Wow I thought, forgotten about, I shake my head in self pity, my own husband didn't remember to come get me.

So here I am in the middle of the afternoon with my darling sleepy Maggie snoring at my feet writing to you instead. The wind has picked up and I did see a few spots of rain so maybe I'm better off at home, at least that's what I'm telling myself - I've drawn the blinds as the sun is blinding me; perfect photo weather.

Anyhow, it has given me cause to think about Allotments and Blogs and the ever present joy they bring me. I am never lonely being a blogger, there is always a friend out there who has written a post I have yet to read. There are new friends always in the wings waiting to be seen. I thank you all for being there for me, yes, I am sure you often forget about me too, maybe you only visit once in a blue moon but I thank you for that. Being chronically depressed and acutely anxious this is my place of refuge from a world I can't usually face in person alone. Here I feel safe and I love to learn about you, your work and hear your comments.

This is Northern Ireland but I have become very aware that American Thanksgiving is just around the corner - I just want to thank you all for taking the time to read my humble ramblings, for making me feel I am not forgotten, for helping me feel that in some small way I might matter; I could be a little part of your day.

Thank you

(and Andrew, I forgive you xxxxx)

Embracing the Autumn

A new background to help me deal with the fact that, yes, it is the Autumn, the trees are going to sleep and it is dark and miserable. I think I need to move south of the Equator for these next few months - summer is over; I'm a big girl I have to face it. Autumn is here.

This conker feel from a tree recently and almost killed me (evil nut). Very beautiful but so violent - why?