Violins of autumn

I need to talk, the words have been bubbling up in my throat straight from my heart for the last week or so. I need to speak out in order to take power away from my depression. It has been winning, it has taken me by such surprise, such as when you walk up the stairs, think there is one more to come and fall through the air and your heart sinks. I haven't been able to read or write, barely walk or talk for depression has destroyed me. 

Many days on the sofa in my pj's, forgetting to eat or drink, unable to wash or care about anything - this has been the reason I have been absent from the blogging world. Absent from life.

As Friday night draws closer I feel evermore like rotten fruit felt to disintegrate in a mouldy heap. The weekend is coming and I could see it in hell; I just want to be alone, unseen. Resting, a drugged sleep if need be, until I feel half myself again. 

THOUGH HOPE REMAINS..

I did taste a reprieve on Wednesday evening; I thought I'd turned a corner with the help of a wonderful harvest to process - I sang silly songs and worked with Andrew making apple and stem ginger compote and damson fruit leather. It was wonderful. But all the more painful for having been ripped away from me the next morning.

I have fun things to share and lots of photos from weeks past but for now, please hold me in your thoughts a moment and spare a little love for one who feels so empty. 

Though I know I am blessed beyond measure by having Andrew by my side and

STILL WILL I RISE!

Hugs

Carrie x

Seedlings ahoy plus rhubarb and ginger compote

'Oh the weather outside is frightful...' with a chill in the air and regular rain/hail downpours; it's just plain miserable. But luckily the seedlings in the greenhouse are doing grand and all those little green dreams are coping well. The cold nights have necessitated a little bit of literal thinking and Andrew has deployed extra large tea lights (from Tesco) which burn for 8 hours; it's saved the babies on a few occasions by upping the temperature by a couple of degrees, compared to the shed.

leeks, broccoli, mangetout, purple sprouting broccoli, chard and cosmos

What a delightful sight it is out there with trays upon trays of tasty crops-to-be (more than pictured here). Plus I just adore how leeks germinate bent in half firstly and then growing tall :)

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Due to such terrible weather I have been cleaning the kitchen and cooking! 

We are really trying hard not to waste any food this year and gluts will be tended to more creatively this year. Today I made a rhubarb and ginger compote. It follows the same recipe as my plain rhubarb compote but with a little twist. Making it tangy with a touch of heat :)

* instead of the half cup of orange juice - I added 2 teaspoons of diced ginger (in it's own syrup) and

* instead of the half cup of brown sugar - I reduced it to a quarter.

Rhubarb and Ginger Compote

making delicious rhubarb and ginger compote

Later I shall also be tackling the leek glut by simply cleaning, chopping and bagging them up individually to be frozen. I just learnt today that they do not need to be blanched first :)

Love and hugs
Carrie