Survival through Expression

I wrote this piece for one of the best websites on the internet and it was posted yesterday. I feel so honoured so have been allowed to write my story and have it so well received by the world. I have been rather ill and so I am sorry, things are going nuts (in a good way) with the garden and the allotment and I promise to get you all caught up as soon as I can. But for now I thought maybe you'd like to learn a little more about me as a person, not simply an allotmenteer :)

Please do click the link - http://www.kindovermatter.com/2013/05/survival-through-expression.html
I don't want to post the whole piece here as Amanda (at Kind Over Matter) deserves all the visitors and she has been so incredibly kind to me.

Here's one thing that has been going on in the garden - we got a Chimenea and we love it! There are also new plants and art! Oh boy :D

Love all the little tea lights we have (the tall ones in the background are Jo Alexander ones) in the garden, the perfect atmosphere for friends over, drinking wine and sitting round the fire :)

Start of a Beanstalk

Fabulous goings on at the allotments 2 weekends ago. I do apologise for my tardiness in writing, sadly depression and such things do take one's concentration and motivation away and for me the lottie hasn't been on my mind. I do care, don't get me wrong but with my mental health difficulties I do feel, well nothing a lot of the time about everything - numb; that's a good word for it.

So here is some happiness on the plots that I photographed but never felt strong enough to post....

24a

Wow, plot 24a is looking good. We are so glad we changed it from a plot with 8 planting areas to one with 4, it's cleaner and easier to look after - love it! Can't wait to get the gravel down to make the path safer and less slippy - *shakes fist at the clay and lack of good drainage in the field*. Here we see (far bed, left to right) Peas, Broad Beans and Garlic. And in the closer bed there are Spuds which are now coming through - wow I am so far behind with blogging - sorry.

my favourite photo this year - just look how it wants to grow and get itself strong and tall!

There are blossoms on all the fruit trees and the sweet peas are planted, plus we have lots more seedlings in the back garden hardening off and some sown direct but I'll talk about them another time. For now our attentions are focused on finding some well priced gravel to put down as a path on 24a and to get rid of the weeds growing in the patio area and the paths in 14b. I've heard vinegar might be good - I'll try it before I try any more drastic measures - have to try and keep the place safe for Maggie the wonder Dog.

14b

A load of produce to take home (but we haven't eaten it yet) Purple Sprouting Broccoli, yes it's been attacked by all the pests of the day but we were just happy it survived at all. There is loads more :)

Chives galore and a really healthy artichoke plant...

A before and after of the flower bed - I worked so darn hard on this!!

Really need to sort out that 14b sign *blush*

Gooseberries are coming, rhubarb is still giving and the summer raspberries have settled into their new home happily.

Love and Hugs

Some happy photos of the back garden

It has been sunny now and then this week, albeit with frequent hail showers and freezing winds; so when the sun has been shining I've been out and taking time enjoy it a little. Here are just a few little snap shots of the main patio area in the warmth :)

Apart from that, there has been much work going on at the lottie and maybe on Friday I will be able to update you; I've been asleep since my first craft fair of the year last Saturday, it was a bit of a strain. Good fun at the time but I never seem to realise just how much I have to push to get through it, depression sucks :(

Anyway a wee peek at the garden ...

 We have tided up since these were taken; all the daffs have been removed and some of those weeds in the patio too, haha. We decided next year all the bulbs will be in pots as it seemed to be too much for the cherry tree to be surrounded by so much. We've also cut some the bottom branches off the tree to try and give it a better chance.

 We still have cold frame full of goodies and even had an amazing side salad with the young tasty leaves of our baby lettuce plants - yum! 'Cut and come again' is so cool :)

The sound of water in a garden is an absolute must, I just adore this well feature Andrew hand made :)

Look at that green and blue, oh please can we have more. This is me looking up from sitting on the ground to the really rather healthy pleached beech hedging and the tea room beyond.

I'll write soon about the lottie

Namasté

Succulent Seedlings

As I mentioned in my last post we have some great looking seedlings all ready to go into the ground this weekend - finally!
Apart from the Sweet Peas which came from a lovely friend, everything shown here (or sown here, hehe) has come from vegetableseeds.net and I must say I am very  impressed with the germination rate of everything.

 * Pea 'Kelvendon Wonder'
A really popular pea variety that we have grown for the last years - oh it tastes so good and each plant gives loads of pods, each pod gives about 6 juicy peas each! It's main crop, dwarf  variety and we tend to plant some in succession through out the summer so we are never lacking :)
Maggie also likes to cheekily eat this straight off the plant - they hang at just the right height for her, gggrrrr, hahaha.

 * Broad Bean 'Aquadulce Claudia'
Okay so we really adore this bean variety and it is a must on our allotment;  haven't grown it?! you must. It is the easiest thing to grow ever, so hardy that you can sow the seeds in winter if you want (if your plot isn't swimming like ours does) so tasty you'll fall in love, so healthy and packed with goodness you will feel good just holding the packet :) You get lots of beans from these and we even get gluts so it's great that I can tell you from experience...these freeze really well :)

 * Rainbow Chard (sometimes called Swiss Chard)

Funny how colour can sometime affect how you feel about a vegetable - normal chard, blugh, it's okay. Rainbow Chard is fantabulous to look at with the sunlight streaming through it, I would have it in my garden as pretty plant :) It wilts fast but grab it take it home and cook it and all the goodness of a spinach is there on your plate but in yellows, pinks, purples - it makes me happy just thinking about it. 

 * Beetroot - 2 types 'Boltardy' and Yellow Cylindrical

Until I had real beetroot and not the vile stuff pickled and brought out at Christmas, I thought it was disgusting, evil stuff.  Now, I adore it. Roasted in the oven or on the barbecue you will find the Gault's eating beetroot all summer long. Hint - HP sauce is amazing on it!!! We always grow Boltardy and again in succession as these babies reach adulthood in 3 months so you can have loads and write Beetroot into a search engine and you will see why you want loads for yourself and your family - it's so incredibly good for you! (P.S. the clue is in the name - they don't bolt easily)

I can't remember if we grew Yellow ones last year or the year before but there isn't much difference in taste, even the striped white and purple ones taste the same; it simply makes that big plate of salad out on the patio look even better. 

 * Leek 'Musselburgh'

This had been our fail safe, go to choice for leeks since we started growing our own. They are really hardy and overwinter well even in our soil, they aren't too strong tasting and it gives you such joy to harvest something from the plot in the darkness of those winter days and they don't need lifted all at once either so not glut worries. Think soul warming soups, hearty and filling risotto - yummy. As someone intolerant to onions these have saved the day in our kitchen and we always have a load every year :)

And lastly the Sweet Pea 'Cupani'

These are my favourite sweet pea ever and I wish I could remember to plant in successions for even more throughout the summer but I never do. They are a fabulous red/pink and purple and are stunning. Butterflies like them and I generally have an arch way of them and an obelisk.

I realise that excited as I am you are probably really rather bored now; like looking at a million photos of someones new baby. Yes very cute, they look so healthy, you're happy for me, what adorable green leaves..... I shall leave it for now, but there are more seedlings and photos to be taken, so until next time....

Namasté

A New Dawn

I've been sick, very sick for the past 2/3 days and the world has seemed like such a dark and dead place to me. I didn't sleep well last night; even though I took my medication, I was awake at 5am and up at 5.30am. Porridge was made as usual and Maggie merely grunted and snuggled farther into her bed - I sat quietly in the living room with the blinds open and watched the blackness fade away...

To watch a sun rise and see a sight such as this as the light grows stronger has done more for me and any shopping trip or great meal has done in a very long time. It was all the more potent as it felt like this beautiful morning was forming just for me. I highly recommend a sunrise for the soul xx

So today doesn't suck :) And I have already showered, washed Maggie, vacuumed the house, researched new furniture, read the news and had coffee with my hubby. I also ventured into the garden and spent some quality time merely looking and feeling the spring penetrate my skin and give me a little serving of 'happy'. See, our seedlings are doing so fine and the sight of them have brought unimagined joy to my heart, joy I haven't dared dream off; all seems okay with the world - I am still ill do not get me wrong, but I feel I can cope today.

What does a new seedling say to you?
To me  is shouts, it yells HOPE! Joy, optimism,  positive thoughts of the future,  picnics, chasing Maggie round the garden, eating food so fresh it's still warm from the sun, plates full of colour and a sense of being grounded and in touch with what actually matters in life.

I have so many photos of our new seedlings but I am so fortunate to have my best friend coming round to the house for coffee and a good old chin wag; I'll show them all tomorrow with their proper names xxx

And, with apologies to Ms Nina Simone -

Birds flying high you know how I feel

Sun in the sky you know how I feel

Seedlings growin' strong you know how  I feel....

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

Namasté

Companionship

So here I sit alone for yet another day, with housework, books, Maggie and that constant feeling that I ought to be 'doing something worthwhile' with my life. I'm exhausted as I am every single day with all my medications, my double vision flaring up more often and a sense of deep sadness and anxiety that rarely leaves me now. All in all I feel both pathetic and incredibly frustrated almost to the point of anger at myself. It's all negative energy pulsating through me but at least it's energy none the less and things are getting done, albeit on a smaller scale than I would hope for.

BUT then again..

To my mind one of  our principle duties and privileges in life is to be there for others, bringing a smile, reassurance and love into their lives. I talk a lot about how I am nothing - I have no job, no degree, no children, but I do offer one thing....my heart.

*****

Heartbreak

This past weekend we didn't get anything done on the plots as we fostered a little pup from the pound. We had him for the weekend and into Monday morning and tentatively called him Otis. He was a chihuahua border collie mix (think about that one for a while, hehe) and was utterly adorable, full of love and trust and in need of a little help.

He hadn't been neutered yet, he had a wee problem with his bum but the thing that ruined it all was I was allergic to his hair. I was really heartbroken, his health problems could be sorted but I couldn't stop itching, parts of my face swole up and my eyes puffed up like soufflés and even my ear tubes hurt. There was no way we could keep him and he was returned to that concrete cage in the pound again.

I'm still feeling upset about it but Maggie is benefiting from my need to nurture and she has been groomed, tickled, chased, given biscuits and allowed off the lead nearby to truly bound around :) She is my bestest pal.

*****

Gardening

But you come here to hear about gardening and what not - it is an allotment blog after all. So to tie in with the theme of today I would love to talk about companion planting and learn what your experiences have been like.

I am planting my marigold seeds tonight and the peas and beans are going into the ground at the weekend. But in our experience with chives, marigolds and nasturtiums we have yet to see any noticeable improvement in having companion plants. Yes they certainly are worth trying and maybe we haven't done it on a big enough scale; they do big in a lot of pollinators which is always good and they look gorgeous. So obviously I recommend them whole heartedly - there are so many companion planting ideas here; I think we ought to try more...

But I have waffled on long enough...there's a small dog in need of tickles :D

Thank You so much for all the comments on 'The Glorification of Busy' Post - I will answer them all later xx

Namasté

Glorification of Busy

You know what? I'm tired.

We need to stop being so busy and yes even in our minds.

Stop congratulating ourselves and others on all we have got done with our day; with our life so far. Who are we trying to impress? What use is a life when you are too tired to see the beauty that lies all around you, what is the point in getting so worked up over everything when they are (most likely) merely 1st world problems?

I didn't get to sleep last night until after 2am, yet again. I just had to think about all the things I could make and be good at and maybe get pocket money from. I had to make a tiny bird, just to prove to myself it could be done and with my vision so blurry then of course it would be easier next time.... I'm mad. This morning I dragged myself up out of bed and after breakfast Maggie was groomed and bathed (she isn't in a good mood right now), I answered e-mails, had a shower, took arty photos with all the kit in play, tidied the kitchen, worked on my shop, read the news and WHO CARES!! Oh my goodness, none of it mattered and yet I sit here berating myself for not having a load of crafty things made, letters written, blog posts done, photos of the seedlings taken etc, etc...

One very important lesson has been learnt today - 'Busy' is overrated. 

I need me time, I need to finish my Sherlock Holmes book, I need sleep and I need chocolate. And I'm not even sorry for it. I'll write tomorrow about depression, ecotherapy and seedlings but right now, that part of me has left the building and that's okay.

I just needed to say that out loud (Maggie really isn't interested) xx

Namasté
Me x

Garlic and Potatoes

I come before you with HAPPY news, albeit a week old ~ the garlic and potatoes are in! This is a good bit later than usual due to the crap weather we've all been having but at least it's happened now, the plants will catch up and the rain and sun has been perfectly alternating these last days so more seedlings shall be planted this weekend :)

So, I am having to slow down on my blog posts due to my poor health but as I mentioned before I will be tweeting  more gardening stuff so do think about following me. Tonight is the first time since we did this work I am about to show you that I feel able to type and hopefully also make some sense! Depression is so evil, it comes on stronger for no reason and slap bang just when the Spring I have been longing for finally arrives. What is all that about?

Never mind I struggle on and I am kind of hoping you haven't even missed me due to your own sudden spring-y induced burst of gardening energy. 

 * Got those precious seeds on the windowsill/greenhouse/cold frame? :) 

 * Is the soil getting workable? 

 * Have you bought a new pair of gardening gloves for the new year? That's pretty important to me, hehe

So photos, photos I didn't think would be taken for a while there.....

The garlic

Turning the soil over thoroughly maybe wasn't the best idea - it seems to be so clay-y. Good grief so much effort goes into the preparations and sometimes you have to wonder was it worth it :( Still we have so many and we do love it, I hope they all survive and thrive. Three or 4 years ago these were 'Solent Wight' but I like to think of them as 'Gault Wight'.

all in a neat row

The Potatoes

We chose 'Red Duke of York' this year as a just for fun crop and bought them a pound shop, they looked just as good as any from a nursery! They are in the smaller tray (left photo). Our Second batch is 'Sharp's Express' simply because they are fabulous :) This year Andrew was particualrily happy to have the larger beds (we joined the four on each side into 2 large ones each side), this time there is room for proper ridges.

Bigger beds and lots of horse manure - yay

Glorious Spuds, grow well!

The Shed

One of my projects is the painting and prettying up of the old wee shed; I simply love doing it. This year as you know I chose this gorgeous teal and I am trimming it with white. It's almost had all the 3 coats necessary, just the door to do over again :) And then I can get the flower pot shelf put up and the welcome sign and get stuck into the insides again. This is going to be a cosy hideaway alright, a place to have panic attacks in comfort, haha.

That's all for now dear readers, sorry I'm worse again but I am still taking photos and will share every progress (and failure), just maybe a week or so behind myself *blush*.

Namasté

Has Spring Sprung?

I have so much to share with you yet for the past few days I have felt too ill and too unworthy of writing. You all know I have chronic depression and anxiety problems and I have felt good whilst at the lottie but when I am home again I lose the metaphorical plot and thus the computer is simply an alien machine and my hands don't do my bidding.

If you follow me on twitter you'll have first hand knowledge that some of the days over Easter were fabulous for me. I had rare moments of complete calm and happiness being absorbed in some job or another and there being no one else around.

When is the last time you lay on your back, flat out, without giving a thought to how messy and fat you look? Just laying there eyes closed to the sun and listening to Nature's lullaby; the wind, the grass, the river behind, the chickens, the song birds, the distant traffic.... I have been doing it and I promise all worries melt away for a short while and you are just you, in a field, a part of the earth, stripped back to be just the same as everyone else.

To cheer me up today I am merely going to post some seedling photos. The stories and major improvements to the plots can wait until I am of a clearer mind and can write better.

Lettuce seedlings

Those poor potatoes (well they're in now)

Broad beans - now these do cheer me up

My gorgeous Sweet peas - (thank you Anna)

** For you, dear readers and friends who give me strength at times like these and remind me that I must listen to my body and...

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience."

 Ralph Waldo Emerson

**

An Invisible Spring

The fire has been quashed in the belly by the ever present suffocating dense layer of white cloud I see everyday. We are lucky in terms of no snow or floods here but still this coldness never recedes the sky is only occasionally blue in tiny blotches and I feel so terribly empty inside.

It's a daily battle with myself to try and inject some hope that the better weather will come around. We don't see a point to planting seeds and why go to the plot when it is so sodden and I freeze in next to no time. Mother Nature and Ecotherapy are really toying with me these past weeks and the feeling is like that of being winded by a punch to the torso.

Then of course I feel guilty for being so pathetic when there are millions of people worse off than me sitting here in my warm home, safe and with access to all the water and food I need. I guess this is just how depression works, right?

We have broad beans, lettuce and sweet peas in our potting shed (kept warmer or at least frost free by a church candle burning inside it).  I know the garlic is ready to go as are the potatoes which are always planted on St Patrick's Day but not this year. We should have beetroot sown and leeks and lots more including flowers but what's the point; the weatherman said this cold and damp will probably last until the end of April.

My Spring is hiding and I need her. 

This was us last year, look at all that sun and the nice dry soil *sigh* .....

I hope for you at the weather is treating your area better and you still have that glow I so long for, that flicker of joy in the new life that is appearing, that tinge of hope for a great year now winter has passed. I am making more arty things these days instead and trying hard to connect with people in the flesh - keep the hope alive my friends!

Hugs