looking both ways

I've been dragged through a hedge backwards, tangled up in the brambles, scratched and aching on this, the other side. Seems the Holidays have taken their toll once again on my mental health and winter has given me the beautiful gift of the cold and enough phlegm to fill a swimming pool (yes that is an utterly disgusting vision but true). All the begging in the world, all the fist shaking at the sky has been in vain as I have endeavoured to be cheery, to take many photos and make memories, share time with my friends and be present in the moment. This time of year and I simply don't get on.

I have a wonderously clear view of myself now, with all this...I'm a bulb. Well, at least I would like to be a bulb, hiding deep down (at least twice my height in depth) underground, warm and snug in the darkness whilst the rest of the world gets on with things, only ready to emerge after the winter. Rather like a poster I once saw ..'life begins after coffee', for me 'life seems to begin after winter' hahaa. My ability to live, write, create and fight my depression all comes with a dependency on Vitamin D (i.e.sunshine) accompanied by a free and easy approach to socialisation (no long, internal struggles with what I ought to be doing). 

However, we did have a lovely little Christmas, please don't get me all wrong. Yes, it was difficult and emotional and such like but Andrew and I spent it together and that was perfect. Breakfast was lingered over and consisted of cava with cranberry juice (and berries) in it and homemade pancakes with crispy pancetta = yum!

Parsnips have been the best thing about Christmas and the days after. Oh my! I knew the 'tender and true' wouldn't let us down even though they looked rather ugly; taste is what matters and they are bursting with parsnip-y goodness. We had them roasted and mashed with carrot, mashed with potato, mashed with carrot and potato and fried as little cakes...can't get enough. Somehow leftovers are even more enjoyable than the main meal itself and they go on for days, just add Cranberry sauce and away you go :)

P.S. the stuffing balls had our own leeks in it, yep, proud veggie grower here :)

It's hilarious but I got a pink leather tool belt from Andrew as one of my presents! Funny how a man's mind works sometimes; I laughed until my throat ached but then saw that it wasn't a joke gift and he had actually thought I would get a lot of use out of it and love it. I shall use it on the plot but, well, you know...tool belts aren't famously a girls' best friend, hehehe. My dear friend also got me an allotment related gift in the shape of gorgeous hand knitted (and again, pink) wellie socks! I can't wait to use them, they are so warm and soft. I think both gifts would benefit from being shown off whilst in action...await further pictures ;)

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So now we try to look to the future and the first of the seed catalogues has arrived :) The plot is soaked through which is kind of good - takes the guilt out of our hands as we can't do anything, rather than we can't be bothered to do anything. Oh we have plans, many plans and I am determined to be more of a fixture there this year, I think that and not being such a bully to myself are my only resolutions. Though they are ones I make every year...

Love and hugs to you all

Not hating Christmas so far!

This is great! I honestly don't hate Christmas today. In fact I have been continuing my decoration of the the living room and chatting to my friend ('support worker' really, but we're becoming friends) Eimear about presents and what not. I've gone for the 'bringing-the-outdoors-in' feel and the crafty look that is really me. I have more personally  handmade things put up; a knitted snowman and Santa,a felt reindeer and cross stitch angel, a stocking for Maggie and oranges with cloves in (never done that before - why not!?, so nice).

Plus today Andrew bought me a new angel in  my favourite shop, Oxfam. She's a beauty and can have a candle inside her if you wish, clever girl!

Anywho, Andrew, Maggie and I went to the local forest on Saturday and had a good time foraging for things to put on my new wreath. I took lots of photos too which was nice because I haven't been indulging that enough. Pictures from that trip tomorrow I think; arty farty ones ;) For now the wreath is finished in all its being from my point of view but Andrew has blue star lights he is deseperate to wrap round it before it goes on the door. I'll post a picture tomorrow x

You know having more of the outside in the house is like Ecotherapy too. I can smell conifer, oranges and cloves and there are berries and berry flavour candles and of course reminders of trees and nature. I'm viewing Christmas in a different way.

Oh, I also got my secret santa present from (well it's secret so I don't really know) a GrowVeg friend. Very excited ~ 3 parcels but I promise I won't open them! Plus every time I look over the wrapping paper has 'no peeping' printed all over it, haha.

The Gaults get festive

It's no secret that I am not a fan of Christmas, I find it all too stressful, demanding, commerical and expensive. Each year I am sure I eat too much, drink too much, spend too much and generally get worked up because (quite frankly) my bloody depression and anxiety does not care that it is the festive party season!

Well, this year, the last in this house, I have decided to get into the festive spirit. Things are going to change, I am going to embrace the season and enjoy the colours, lights, gifts, friends and family and the love. But at the same time I am not going to lose who I am, I can (and lets face it I probably will) feel bad without the world crumbling down around me. I am not the center of the universe!!

So, yesterday I went Christmas shopping in Belfast. This year (as we have tried in the past) we are being careful with money in the knowledge that we have solicitors etc to pay in the New Year. I gathered up presents in a creative way, taking the time to really think about everything and how to acheive it manageably. Hence my decorations or instance (you can't really expect me to talk presents here, loved ones do drop in here from time to time!), I am using things I have collected over the years and when I think about it, a lot have been presents and some I have made myself.

Here is our living room fireplace. No, I didn't make that particular wreath but I am in the middle of one and tomorrow Andrew and I are going to the forest to gather bits and bobs for it. The silver dangly decorations I did make, as I did all the felt hearts on the tree. I found my little wooden bowl yesterday in a charity shop and gathered bits from the garden and a few old and broken decorations to make it into something special - I can smell the forest right now and unfortunalety, yes I am still allergic to conifer (darn it, I'm itchy all over!)

I'm also making a felt reindeer but I'm not so sure how that will work out, ahaha. Andrew has promised me that the oven will be fixed and then I can make my Gingerbread men, something I have done every year (almost) for the past 14! It's my own little tradition and I love to give them as presents and to have the smell throughtout the house.

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After work, Andrew met me in the city center and we visited the Continental Market. Such fabulous handicrafts and food. Oh we just had to get a few Breton biscuits - so good. They didn't make it half way round the market. We had locally brewed beer in a tipi! I had the Hillden beer and Andrew had the Headless Dog (which was sweeter), there was also local cider , mulled wine, 'tipsy' hot chocolate and Molly's Chocolate Stout, all sounded very good but 1 half pint and we were off. Such discipline!!

See Christmas and Winter in general can't be that bad if I had a good day like that!

OH and I got an early present from Andrew ~ a tripod for my DSLR, here's a picture of Maggie taken with it, late in the eveing when my camera isn't at its best usually, or I should say I'm not at my best - long exposures - blurry. Is't she's so CUTE!!

Somebody tell me why!!

A garden center a little drive away from here is a great place to go on a very wet cold weekend day. We were looking for some nice pots for our bulbs which, as I wrote about yesterday, we found and at a good price too. We also had a lovely biscuit and coffee in their very large coffee shop, which was naughty but warming and gave us both the courage and caffeine buzz needed to go to the lottie.

Now I don't mind a garden center having a cafe, in fact 2 we would go to regularly have very good cafes with Taste of Ulster awards and everything. But something else about these places really gets up my nose and last Saturday it had me in a bit of a fluster...

Christmas.

Christmas, at the one we visited (not Sunnybank), had arrived in all it's terrible gaudy style. Dear god, what does Christmas and all the tat that goes with it have to do with gardening?? Really I ask you, apart from a real pine tree why would a garden center need to be the hub of all things Christmas in the universe?

I give you some evidence...See if you can spot anything remotely to do with plants and the caring of them in these photos. Really, a prize for anyone who can. I took twice as many as this but even looking at them makes me want to boke.

Entering into the Christmas lighting section; the overpowering smell of cinnamon


Yes a troupe of dancing, singing Santas and Christmas dinner for sale on the cafe

Maybe I'm a little biased as I don't really like the whole Christmas 'thing'. It all starts far to early and by the time the actual celebratory days arrive I'm generally completely over the whole thing. I'm also a born worrier and Christmas present buying stresses me out almost as much as receiving presents myself, what if I can't find the perfect gift for my loved ones and what if I don't like the gift they've got me! It's a mine field. Which quite frankly I do not need to face in November in one of the places we retreat to when stressed already!

So..

Dear Santa,

I would like to have a nice Christmas; please stop the commercialism from eating away at my soul.

Love, Carrie

P.S. I have been a very good girl this year x

My Chrimbo Pressie for my Lottie!

I LOVE MY LOTTIE!!

Therefore I thought she deserved a pressie, after all she has given me. Think me not mad, I beg you, I am aware that 'she' is not a sentient being and cares not for presents, but, well as I said ~ I love my Lottie.

So, behold her old sign. It was made in some haste in answer to the tenancy agreement, which stipulated we all mark our territory. (Maggie already had done so, in her own personal way, of course, but this was not seen as good enough). A very old, battered bit of fencing board was bashed up and as you can see,I, just quickly, but with care, wrote the wonderful letters and numbers which would soon mean so much. A24a.

Here it is on the day it was 'planted' in the corner of our plot. That doesn't sound like the right word, but it is apt...



And here it is on the day of its makeover. Exciting!

Well now, the quick witted of you with be thinking ~ Titles, Grout, ummmm! Yes indeed I made my 1st ever Mosaic. And boy was it fun. Any excuse to take a hammer to things and really bash it up into tiny bits and I feel happier. It was done under controlled conditions though : newspaper down, pencil and paper for a plan, tea towel to cover tiles and Maggie safely in the corner of her favourite sofa, sleeping.

I left out the 'A' this time because we all know which fields are which by now. And, quite frankly it wouldn't have fitted on the wood anyway. I'm sure I need not tell you how to do Mosaic, but I will pass on the joy of 'Fix and Grout' in one, so much easier and cheaper than buying 2 different tiling things.

Here is the finished article, I'm quite pleased, as I am sure my Lottie is too.

N.B. This was also written on the 22nd!! Golly I hope this post dating lark works. I'll be off in Fermanagh on Boxing day for a week, just me, the Hubby and Maggie ~ bliss.

Presents!!!

Christmas started early for me on Saturday when I received a bubble envelope in the post. I love getting those so much I can't tell you. Inside was a wonderful gift from my friend 'WG' at :
http://www.growveg.info/index.php - Smoked Garlic, Smoked Shallots and Smoked Garlic Salt. What a smell; gorgeous! and large cloves too. We have already used some Smoked Garlic cloves in a wonderful Lottie Soup that I'll tell you about later and it was beautiful. A strong smell, yes, but a subtle flavour that is so different from the somewhat acrid taste of normal Garlic (which admittedly I also like). So a Big Thank You to 'WG', you should check out his forum if you are anyway Gardening and Allotmenteering inclined; so many topics covered and the friendliest people.


Then, Lo and Behold, today I received another Bubble envelope package. The Postman must think me very popular. This one was my 'Secret Santa' present from ? (I think I know...) The whole thing was organised by http://www.growveg.info/index.php before I even joined, yet I got a pressie too! How sweet was that. Usually I am really 'good' at keeping presents until the big day itself, but I had the worse day ever yesterday and last night with depression that I needed a wee cheer up. Inside was this....


A lovely little Card, a thick plastic zip lock bag (for seeds maybe? or holiday security checks?), some Stress Busting smelly Salve (which I am covered in at the moment!) and a lovely big key ring. These little gifts had obviously been chosen especially with me in mind; isn't it nice to feel loved?!