I am so cruel, you probably thought the worst didn't you? You all thought that the compote had killed me and that's why I wasn't blogging, didn't you, come on now be honest. Well the compote did give a sore tummy but the real reason was I went and made my laptop sick and couldn't write for a while. I can hear it!!! That huge, collective sigh of relief - 'She isn't dead!' - you're welcome :p
So we had a totally stinky start to our day at the lottie last weekend. Darn weather - what is going on?? I seriously feel like the poles have switched and we are suddenly having the Southern Hemisphere's weather - basically, it's autumn all over again :( It could happen!
But we soildered on after a wee hide in the shed and some coffee...
Look! I'm the only one working - stylish aren't I?
Today I wanted to share the Gault way of planting leeks and a little show of the things that are growing well on the plots. Our leeks have always done us proud and I can't eat onions, so they are pretty darn important to us when it comes to cooking. So here is the way we plant them :)
First they grow in modules. Then the soil is prepared and dibbered (we use Grandpa Gault's dibber for this) nice a deep. The hole is left as is and the plug plant is plopped in and not covered over!! They like lots of water and when they grow up we like to put old drainpipe over the bottoms so they are blanched and effectively you get lots of the white tasty bit :)
God this is so stupid, who am I trying to kid here. I'm writing this now because if I didn't I don't know what I would do - I'm suicidal. I hate myself so very much and the strange and frigthening thing is, I am quite calm about it all. Where has my sense of self preservation gone? I'm sitting here with the blinds drawn and I'm rocking slowly in the chair - I can't bear the thought of anyone seeing me, I embarass even myself by the very fact that I feel so useless and am over weight and lethargic. I used to be so into my exercise, now I can barely stay awake for any length of time.
My hand covers my mouth at the end of every sentence, as if I shouldn't be saying any of this out loud. But that makes me think that it could be very important to speak my mind, when I don't I tend to do stupid things instead.
But the words have stopped coming, i'm going to phone A. I cant think at all, there is too much noise in my head.
hang in there! I liked your leek post, it was all new stuff to me - well done having a go in the depths of despair.
ReplyDeleteDarn depression,if only you could tell it to piss off, and you look gorgeous with your cheeky grin in orange bag hat.
Hang in there buddy. You've been here before and you know the rain (literal and metaphorical) will pass over although it feels it can't ever stop at the moment.
ReplyDeleteDo, talk to someone, IRL. We are here but you need a live voice, eye to eye contact.
ReplyDeletelove the hat, but look here you have two leek beds with not even the tiniest trace of a weed, wish I could say the same
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely NOT overweight. You look absolutely wonderful even with an orange bag on your head. This weather and lack of exercise is enough to make anyone feel down but moods and weather go in cycles so just look forward to the ups! They will come.
ReplyDeleteWe don't think you are useless (or overweight) we think you are cute and clever and lovely. Sending love and hugs to you. Lynda xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteHang on in there Carrie, there is a brighter tomorrow. The dark clouds will lift. I know it is hard to keep on fighting but do! It is worth the struggle, there are at least two people in your life who need you to be around, even if you don't see it.
ReplyDeleteI do look forward to your posts, what you share is beautiful, truthful and heartfelt and I see echoes of feelings I have. I sincerely think you are so brave to express your self as you do and you I am grateful that you are a voice to many who can't articulate in the amazingly honest and eloquent way that you do.
Maggie x
My thanks to everyone for their kind words of support. Not feeling quite as bad today but just taking it slow and trying to do things to make life a little less stressful.
ReplyDeleteI'll be back soon - I have photos to share xxx
Carrie -- I'm just glad you're writing your feelings down and sharing some of them. I've always believed when you write something down and put it out there, you take away some of the power of the darkness. To be clique, it's kind of shining a light. So, keep writing and say it aloud!
ReplyDeleteI looked at your comment and was pleased see that things did get better. I hope the weather will also improve. I've heard it's not been very nice lately. I look forward to seeing the photos!
Hey carrie, don't give up honey! It's just this blooming awful weather getting you down, you are doing so much better than you think you are.If the sun would only come out it would make such a difference. And you are not fat!! I love checking up on your blog now I have found a fellow n.irland garden blogger, so just keep writing!! It,s very therapeutic. Take care, xxx
ReplyDelete