I'm exhausted, and as I sit here and write that I realise just how true it is. I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes and my sore and stiff shoulders sag a little as the truth comes to the surface and I haven't meant it to. I truly am sick and tired. It has made itself known as I've sat waiting for the laptop to whirr into action, listening to Maggie sleep, watching the leaves blow down the road.
Why? Goodness only knows. I have no children, no job, no worries. But I do have Depression etc and at the weekend I bashed my head and have had concussion. I'm not sleeping well at nights anymore and I just feel a sense of detachment from the world and unease and I can't think why.
I won't lie, Autumn is not filling me with joy as I look as the beautiful golden, orange and red tones - to me it's all deathly brown tones and everywhere the sky is white; I am living inside a cloud today and I can feel the pressure bearing down. Unlike other days were the change in season reminds me to slow down and take it easy I look about me and see decay, detritus and plants simply giving up, going to bed and locking the door. I want my blanket and a good black and white film on the tv, preferably a sad, other worldly story to match my mood, maybe 'Brief Encounters'...
I have photos of the back garden I wished to share that I took yesterday. Ahh, yesterday, when the sun was shining and I wasn't feeling like this. Yesterday, when things got done and was happier and fully occupied.
Oh dear, this really hasn't gone to plan today. Forgive the indulgence of me posting this anyway - sometimes I need to tell the world the truth in my own quiet way...I am unhappy and exhausted. Some people get grumpy, some turn to drink, some push the world away, me? I write it out and let that act as a good cry, a scream of frustration, a virtual binge on ice cream...