Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Feeling sorry for myself

I haven't blogged in days, I haven't read many friend's blogs in days; I haven't been one bit interested. I'm going through (and as I think about it, I must be doing better if I'm writing today) a really rough patch again. Panic attacks and severe depression are eating away at me like a cancer. I feel heavy and confused in my head, my back and shoulders ache from the stress, my blood pressure is all over the place and I can't eat. Even my arms and legs feel heavy and my fingers are not typing the way they should. Who ever invented the delete button should have been made monarch of the world. I just wish there was a delete button in the real world.
Sorry to moan, I'm just feeling so awful. Photos of our 4 hour blitz at the lottie have been uploaded as I write and there are a couple of stories to tell. My words just won't form either in my head or straight from the finger tips like usual.


Instead I leave you for today with a befittingly sad photo. This poor sunflower had been blown over and the stem torn by the storms of last week. I cut the flower head off and went to take some pictures, it began to rain and then I noticed the damn slug there, just waiting to finish her off. It just encapsulates how I feel today, down, down and down, the world conspiring against me. It's dark in this place and the ropes lowered down by my few dear friends aren't long enough for me to reach.

3 comments:

  1. But that flower gave you pleasure. And it has seeds which will bring new flowers. The slug is just being a slug, and someone will probably eat him. But those seeds will still grow next summer! Look at the seeds, not the slug.

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  2. The time of year certainly doesn't help especially for us gardeners! It's the worse time for us as gardens and allotments are really looking rather sad and the weather oftens prevents us from even having a potter round.
    However we always have that air of optimism for next year. We're looking at seed catalogues and can see in our mind's eye just how bountiful and colourful it will all be!
    Take care, Flighty. xx

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  3. I really struggle this time of year too. Especially now in the US as we turn the clocks back 1 hour this weekend and the days get shorter and darker. I wish I could hibernate like the bears... go to sleep for the winter and wake up when it's spring. I know I have Seasonal Affective Disorder and I've been thinking about getting a light box... I heard this works have you tried it? In the meantime I wish I could send you some cookies since your oven is out. Something sweet always makes one feel better :) -Jackie

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