I haven't been coping, in fact I've had a few frightening break downs and haven't even been willing or able to visit the allotments recently. When I have been there it has been hell and I've been on sedatives and hating every minute of it. Ecotherapy is bunk. I am utterly disillusioned and hopeless. I get these totally fantastical ideas of being 'someone'; a photographer, selling my own works, a carpenter, a potter. I feel like, no, I have given up. Today is just another day in a long line were I am drugged up and in physical and mental pain, I couldn't care less about myself, I wish it was over. I'm so depressed I can't even feel the upset properly, I can't cry; I'm numb. So tired, which makes my double vision worse, leaving me with little I can do comfortably.
Forgive me. I shall be taking a little more time out for a while.
Enjoy your gardens, allotments, life....and think of me, please, I need help.